It was Monday morning and we were trucking right along with school: A kid doing math on the computer, a kid practicing his handwriting at the counter, a kid writing in her journal at the table, a toddler examining his new big-boy belt, and a teen waiting while I checked his language arts assignment.
And then my phone buzzed and bedlam erupted: Before I finished hitting the green button to answer the call, three kids were thrusting their assignments in my face and the toddler swung his belt dangerously near a window. So this is what it sounded like:
buzzTHWACKbuzzMOMHEYMOMbuzzHELPMOMCANYOUbuzzHELPME
and then I held the phone to my ear and said, “Hello? – Shh, I’m on the phone, hold on – Yes, this is Shannon – (Whisper yelling) PUT THE BELT DOWN! – Yes – Shh, all of you go away for a minute – Yep, okay – SHHH – yeah, Wednesday is great.”
Click, and a deep breath, like I’d just run forty meters uphill in three seconds.
But isn’t that a picture of life right now? Even if you’re not homeschooling half a dozen kids, our attention is all over the place and the demands on it are exhausting. So many things need or want our attention and we’re not really sure what they’re asking. We can’t hear some clearly over the noise of others, and we’re not totally sure what should be answered first or what we should do about it, anyway, and it seems like, vaguely, some of it should probably just be ignored but there’s so much clamor it’s hard to sort it out.
We are just trying to deal with normal life, for crying out loud. We don’t need to add any apocalyptic disasters to our milieu to round things out a little, thankyouverymuch.
We don’t really have a lot of say in the events that are happening, though. We can pray, of course, but the real challenge I’ve noticed in my life (and what I’m hearing from so many others) is trying to figure out how to best respond and prepare for all the unknowns ahead.
It’s like we know there’s a test coming soon but we’re not really sure what it’s going to be about. We have no idea what to focus our limited study time on so we can give the correct answers.
My friend and I were talking about this and she said,“Sometimes I wonder what would happen if Noah tried to live as he always had, sometimes working on the ark ‘just in case’ the flood was coming, but he would only put his back into it when he felt the first drops of rain. I’m beginning to wonder if the reason I have fear and confusion is due to this conflict of what I see and what I know in my spirit to be true.”
Huh. It kinda blew my mind. What am I working on, but not really taking seriously enough? What should I be doing now so I’m not scrambling when the rain starts falling?
To be fair to ourselves, though, Noah was given clear instructions: Build an ark, because there will be a flood.
We have not been given clear instructions like that. It’s more like, Hey, you might have a flood but it might also be an earthquake, or maybe a cluster of tornadoes, or possibly a locust invasion and a drought, but also don’t forget about these hurricanes in the forecast…and by the way, have you checked on this active, smoking volcano lately?
Any combination of them might go off, but you prepare differently for each one and you don’t know if you should be building an ark or a bunker or if you should just get out of Dodge entirely.
(I happened to come across a hilarious illustration of this, here. You’re welcome.)
There is a huge divide between what we see and what we sense is coming, and living in that tension produces confusion and half measures. We face unknown realities: If life is like this, we’ll do A, but if it heads south we’ll do B and probably C, and those options are often mutually exclusive. How can we possibly know the right answer?
Obviously the Lord knows how we struggle in the tension of that. He knows we can’t do everything, or understand everything, or predict everything, or prepare for everything. So why put us through it? Why not make it clear?
Maybe the lack of clarity is there to keep us close to Him. The ones who see and abide closely are the ones He entrusts with more. So in that sense, I wonder if living in the tension is not just preparation for us, but also a test to see who passes and advances.
Your words were found, and I ate them,
and your words became to me a joy
and the delight of my heart,
for I am called by your name,
O Lord, God of hosts.
I did not sit in the company of revelers,
nor did I rejoice;
I sat alone, because your hand was upon me,
for you had filled me with indignation.– Jeremiah 15:16-17
He is watching to see who is watching. He wants to know who will take the time to examine and seek Him, to do the work to keep the plumb line true, to repent and make corrections when necessary. He’s looking for those who will listen for the call and answer it.
For who among them has stood in the council of the Lord to see and to hear his word, or who has paid attention to his word and listened?
– Jeremiah 23:18
If He is drawing all men to Himself, our very longing and questioning and unknowing leads us to understanding our need for Him.
We lean in hard and obey in the day and the moment He gives us. It’s a humbling business; He knows we don’t know what we’re doing. It’s a process of learning and growing and trying and trying again, and you could call it refinement, but when it’s partnered with surrender to the Lord in all of our unknowing, you can also call it sanctification. Because the people who are willing to do it are the people He’s setting apart.
Why is my pain unceasing, my wound incurable, refusing to be healed?
Will you be to me like a deceitful brook, like waters that fail?
Therefore thus says the Lord:
“If you return, I will restore you, and you shall stand before me.
If you utter what is precious, and not what is worthless, you shall be as my mouth.
They shall turn to you, but you shall not turn to them.
And I will make you to this people a fortified wall of bronze;
they will fight against you, but they shall not prevail over you,
for I am with you to save you and deliver you, declares the Lord.
I will deliver you out of the hand of the wicked,
and redeem you from the grasp of the ruthless.– Jeremiah 15:18-21
If you feel different, it’s because you are.
If you have more questions than answers, you might have figured out the key to the test without realizing it.
Maybe the questions are the answer.
Maybe we have lived too long demanding to understand before we walk forward in the things God tells us. Maybe we’ve rushed too quickly to say the things that seemed to make sense but hesitated to share truths He spoke to us because we didn’t have all the answers…and we like to know all the answers.
I did not send the prophets, yet they ran;
I did not speak to them, yet they prophesied.
But if they had stood in my council,
then they would have proclaimed my words to my people,
and they would have turned them from their evil way,
and from the evil of their deeds.– Jeremiah 23:21-22
So here we are, choosing to be vigilant in this tension because He has called us to wholeness. We know we don’t have the answers, but it turns out, our willingness to live with so many questions is a big part of the answer we’re looking for.
The other night we drove home in the thickest fog I have ever seen. We could not see to the end of our headlights; we could only see five to ten feet in front of our headlights. Even on the highway we drove slow, watching closely, wary of what we couldn’t see.
In some ways the fog is a gift – it makes us aware of our weakness instead of allowing us to plow forward too fast with a false sense of security. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair, because we are taking the time to abide and move strategically. We don’t need to move fast, we need to move wisely. Because we’re not the only ones who can’t see; there are large wild creatures out there that could dart onto the road any minute, and we all need time to avoid colliding with each other.
We need Kingdom solutions for these days, but Kingdom solutions only come with Kingdom humility. So if you feel like you’re winging it, flying by the seat of your pants in daily obedience while not knowing for sure where it all leads, you’re in good company. This is the sweet spot of surrendered abiding, and it’s where His champions are trained.
Maybe we’ve been trying to see too far ahead. The next step He is calling us to today is not going to look the same for all of us.
But on the other hand it will, because it will look like abiding and obedience.
Want more posts like this, right to your inbox? Subscribe here.