Sometimes I come here full. I have a myriad of thoughts and notes and pictures all rattling around, just waiting to be spilled on paper or screen and put in the right order.

But other times I arrive empty. Blank screen, white space, just…dry bones, and crickets. Not because there’s nothing to tell, but because there is and I don’t know how to say it yet.  Care to sit with me for a few minutes while I wait for the words to show up?

It’s been a blurry week that started with a blurry phone call early Sunday morning. There are some calls that you wish would never happen, even if you are expecting them. Grief covers the sky and prayer changes directions like the wind.

oh Lord, You’ve searched me

You know my way

even when I fail You

I know You love me

We hiked the Butte a few days ago, took all six kids up the (little) mountain for some therapy for all of us. These days have been sparkling, all sunny in one direction and heavy slate clouds on the other. When the sunlight comes from a certain angle it makes the trees glitter.

We spilled out of the Stagecoach and donned our backpacks and water bottles. We weren’t twenty feet away from where we parked when Cham handed hers to me, declaring it was too heavy.

Your holy presence surrounding me

in every season I know You love me

You go before me

You shield my way

Your hand upholds me

I know You love me

Eternity looks us in the face every day. It doesn’t matter if we arrive empty or full – if we dare to look back, right in the Eyes, something will start to flow, even in dry bones. We need it.

at the cross I bow my knee

where Your blood was shed for me

there’s no greater love than this

You have overcome the grave

Your glory fills the highest place

what can separate me now?

I was fine all Sunday morning until we sang this song after Communion. And then I spilled over, and was a mess as He put me back in the right order.

You tore the veil

You made a way

when You said that it is done

I looked back at Eternity: so sunny in that direction that the trees glittered, though the clouds behind us in the Shadowlands were only slate grey…and someone new there waved. He was with my sister, my son, and others.

and when the earth fades

falls from my eyes

and You stand before me

I know You love me

– Hillsong, At the Cross

We’ll be filled and more, to overflowing. We will spill over.

I know You love me.