Category Archives: post adoption

something beautiful

Posted on by September 3, 2013


Guess what we did this week.

Really. Guess.

No, I didn’t quit coffee. (Are you kidding me?)

I’ll tell you before you get any other crazy ideas.  I had the utter joy of introducing my whole family to one of my most-loved books of all time. On the weekends, over a month, I read it out loud, and during the week I was sick, Vince took over and read to us.

The long platform was almost deserted; the only living creature in sight being a girl who was sitting on a pile of shingles at the extreme end…She was sitting there waiting for something or somebody and, since sitting and waiting was the only thing to do just then, she sat and waited with all her might and main.

We finished it a few days ago. All of us, even Vince…especially Vince…we read it all together. I hadn’t read Anne of Green Gables in years, since I was pregnant with my own red-haired, grey-green-eyed girl, and blew through the whole series for the umpteenth time over the second trimester.

 

The Avonlea school was a whitewashed building low in the eaves and wide in the windows…

This book has always comforted me, ever since being introduced to it by my fifth grade teacher who retained her title as my favorite even after I graduated high school. She read Anne aloud to us, and had one of my classmates take over the reading for one particular chapter toward the end (you know the one) because she could never get through it without crying.

 

There are some authors that can look into a room and describe only the trash, the filth, the greasy lifestyle (this is why Steinbeck and I are not friends) and there are others who can look in the same room and see the hardworking mother, the hopeful child, and the steaming bowl of broth on the table that, admittedly, probably still needs to have the crumbs and spills from the previous meal wiped off of it.

 

We find beauty by looking for it. Even when the windows are dirty.

The east gable was a very different place from what it had been on that night four years before, when Anne had felt its bareness penetrate to the marrow of her spirit with its inhospitable chill. Changes had crept in…

The velvet carpet with the pink roses and the pink silk curtains of Anne’s early visions had certainly never materialized; but her dreams had kept pace with her growth, and it is not probable she lamented them.

Sometimes I am so caught up in the dirt and laundry and pain and bickering. I forget something.

 

A month ago we went to a barbecue at our dear friends’ house. As we always do in large groups of people, we spent the evening on high alert watching Andrey and Reagan for attachment issues, while still trying to carry on adult conversations on a somewhat coherent level. We intervened when a child hugged a total stranger and wouldn’t let go. We pulled a child out of a game for following another adult around instead of actually playing. We held a child after she kept trying to seek out attention from another Mommy. In the midst of catching up with wonderful friends, we were a little harried and constantly on the lookout for red flags, trying not to make anyone else feel they needed to walk on eggshells around us. I don’t know if we succeeded.

We gathered our crew to go home. I was walking away and a friend stopped me. Over the course of the evening she saw many of the issues we dealt with and we had talked at length about all the gory details. Her glasses were not rose-colored.

She smiled at me and said:

“I just love watching you guys…you are doing a beautiful thing.”

needlework: a gift from my dear friend Jeanette at Wordz For Life

 

I had forgotten. Her reminder was a gift. And…tears. Still.

“Dear old world,” she murmured, “you are very lovely, and I am glad to be alive in you.”

– L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

 

I forget that two kids who were fighting hammer and tongs until last month are now playing cards and laughing together.

I forget that Reagan, who was mostly non-verbal a year ago, now speaks in halting English phrases, and sometimes even sentences.

Afton is not just playing with Legos; he is building a machine with a rag attached to it…for scrubbing the floor. Awesome, yes?

Sophie, my almost constant companion, loves me so much that she interrupted me last night while I was writing to nuzzle my pen. An ink mark on a white kitty’s nose is pretty unforgiving, and it will remind everyone for the next few days that I am her favorite human.

 

In the middle of circumstances and inconvenience, between the chaos and the cacophony…we forget.

We are living something beautiful. Sometimes we need a reminder to keep looking for it.

chasing legos

Posted on by June 5, 2014

We start the day all dignified-like. A dishtowel in the kitchen hangs over the handle to the stove, and another towel hangs in the bathroom on the hook. Breakfast is eaten, chores are done, dishes are washed.

For now. For at least twelve seconds.

Daddy leaves for work and the school day commences. Three kids are at the table, three kids are all over the place, and my brain starts to scatter. Someone needs help with math, someone needs supervised, someone needs wiped, and someone needs to know if road rash is a compound word, totally separate words, or hyphenated. The laundry needs flipped and the dishwasher needs to be emptied soon and, now that I think about it, I’m not sure if I remembered to turn on the dryer last night. Huh.

The bummer is that I just finished my coffee and this is as alert as I’m going to get until tea time.

There are emails to answer and things that must be researched and decisions that have to be made. Follow-up phone calls and a deadline or two looming. Dust and laundry don’t stop for anyone, and children that just ate an hour ago are still going to ask about the next meal in less than ten minutes. (You feel this, too?)

Aside from the daily agenda, there are so many other things we want to do: grow veggies, harvest herbs, and learn about wild plants growing under our nose on our property. We have forts to build and needlework stitches to practice and several sewing projects in the wings. There are stories to be written and journals to be filled and a million books on our shelves beckoning for a snuggle in a sunbeam on the couch with us.

There is this longing…and you know all about it. I know that you know, because we talk about it often.

And He knows, also, because we talk about it often, too. And He’s right there, reminding me to breathe. Wait, and listen…and He says, One thing at a time. Slow and easy. Take it in small, simple chunks. Little steps.

I corral the little wanderers back downstairs where I can see them. We get math and dishes going simultaneously, and I start stacking plates and bowls and saucers on the counter. They can wait right there.  The laundry can wait. Grammar and spelling can wait. This is life just-one-or-two-things-at-a-time, and I am running, and I can’t do it all at once any more than I can put all of these dishes away at once.

It’s still morning and we are in the thick of it, in the midst of teaching arithmetic, putting away silverware, stepping in a puddle of water, cleaning up a spill with our third dishtowel of the day, stacking pots and pans in the cabinet, throwing my wet socks in the washer, finding someone else’s dirty socks on the floor, putting those in the washer, putting away the last of the dishes, putting new dirty dishes back in the dishwasher, planning lunch, and – ohmygoodness! I just remembered. There’s a child on the potty.

Whoops. I’m pretty sure she’s done by now.

Slowly the list gets checked off. Lots of things wait until after naptime, after bedtime, until tomorrow. Sometimes they wait until next week. But what has to get done is done, and it doesn’t have to be in my time frame.

Or other people’s time frames, either. We finally turned in work samples this week that were due three weeks ago…and then received a gracious note from our contact teacher (who is the sweetest ever) gently reminding us that we could turn in the progress reports any time, as well.

Oh, my word. Completely forgot about those. Coming right up…

I emailed them twenty minutes ago. High five.

Anyway. It’s afternoon, after assignments, everyone is playing. Most of the kids are outside, and Mattie and I are watching Gus attack his nemesis...the dangerous, the loathsome, the terrible…the tiny...lego brick.

It is a lesson on the inefficiency of frantic motion. Watch with us: The ferocious tigah stalks his prey…


Gus crouches, springs at the lego, sends it flying as he skids across the hard floor and – wait a minute! – stops abruptly to lick his paw. Idly looks around again and yowls, confusedly searching for his enemy…aha! Discovers it hiding under a chair. He winds up for a pounce, but suddenly hesitates when he hears us burst out laughing, and stops to look at us with an expression of sudden dignity. We are uninteresting, though, and he remembers the lego piece, leaps on it, and tries to eat it. The dastardly foe is cunning and somehow escapes – our hero races across the room and bats it around the corner, but in his ensuing attempt to follow it he tragically discovers that while the front half of his body is willing, the back part of him is weak…and he spins out, careening wildly, while the lego beats a safe retreat under the piano, never to be seen again.

No matter. He gets up and shakes it off – the enemy has been vanquished from his kingdom and he is victorious.

So much effort, so little accomplished.

I don’t want our days to go like this, though: driven to distraction, frantically spinning, reeling, careening, and then hesitating when I hear the reaction of others. With the front of me willing to start a project, but the back part of me too weak to follow through.

Let me focus. Think for a minute. And then take just the next step.

A step moves us forward, but spinning wheels stay in the same place. We don’t arrive at the mountain top in one leap.

And then he bent his own neck and put the chain upon it, and at once his head was bowed to the ground with the weight of the Ring, as if a great stone had been strung on him. But slowly, as if the weight became less, or new strength grew in him, he raised his head, and then with a great effort got to his feet and found that he could walk and bear his burden.

– JRR Tolkein, The Lord of the Rings

He tells me to focus, and go slow. It takes small steps to conquer the mountain. We may have a musical prodigy on our hands, but we are going to have to learn English first before we astound the world, for crying out loud.

We make it to lunchtime. One child is already excused, one child is in the bathroom, and four children are at the table. It is six dishtowels later and I’m cleaning a puddle of accident to the tune of four children simultaneously requesting seconds, to be excused, to get a drink of water, etc, and Mommy yells a friendly PSA from the bathroom:

“WAIT. YOU CAN ALL WAIT FOR AT LEAST THREE MINUTES. DO NOT SPEAK TO ME UNTIL THE TIMER BEEPS.”

I confess I didn’t actually set a timer. I am the timer, and I refused to beep for several minutes.

And we finally got the dishes done. See?

P.S. Coffee cups don’t count.

glorious is coming

Posted on by May 25, 2013

The laundry is piled on the couch, the dishes are piled on the counter. We are outside on the rug, on the picnic hill, on a dry brown lawn, in 70 degrees. Our feet are bare and our socks are in a pile next to us.

Last week we had snow. The week before we had rain, flooding, and ducks. Alaska is a capricious frontier, thumbing her nose at anyone who tries to tell her what May should look like.

  But today it is glorious. Trees that were naked this morning unfolded their leaves by the afternoon.

We school in summer and it changes things. We read our books outside, eat lunch outside, make lots of laundry outside, and try to recover the house somewhat before bedtime. Today, we interrupted a planned assignment to examine a freshly killed mosquito under the microscope. We finished Oliver Twist and Ten Apples Up on Top. We walked to the mailbox.

Summer isn’t the only cause for change, though. We’ve homeschooled since Mattie’s birth and it’s been the most natural thing in the world, this reading and learning together family thing…but 12 years into it, we find that we need to make some adjustments to fit everyone’s needs that go beyond just our yearly tweaking. What used to work needs to be set aside for what actually works right now. Maybe we’ll pick it up and dust it off later, after the dust actually settles.

I still read to all of the kids. Bigger kids still read to littler kids. We still use the buddy system that works for us: the one where the kids are buddies with each other, and I am buddies with Sophie, whom I periodically run upstairs and hide in the bathroom with. Sometimes one of us brings chocolate.

My laptop of almost five years recently endured some violence – it went swimming in coffee, and then broke its hinge, among other ailments indicating demise – and had to be replaced with something a little more reliable. Something new (ish). So we got something newish and I tried really, really hard I sort of tried to learn how to use it. But I wasn’t happy about it.

The icons looked funny and the email looked ugly and the Word program was weird and the photo editing program worked differently. Things that were streamlined for the sake of efficiency weren’t very efficient when my my fingers kept looking for the “end” key but hit the delete key instead. Or worse, the insert key – who uses that, anyway?! (I despise you, Insert Key). Nothing was normal and I raged in frustration and finally cried…more than once.

Our coffeepot has one button and I can work that machine beautifully. The microwave and I get along because most of the buttons are numerical and I really only need a couple of the other ones that have important words on them like “start” and “cancel.” If I concentrate super hard, I can even reset the clock on the oven after a power outage.

Stupid computers.

I finally figured it out, though. See? I’m typing on it right now. The other night I fixed two quirks on it as Vince looked on, and I did it by myself. No help, no crying.

I felt like a genius. It was awesome.

What is really changing around here is our expectation of what things are supposed to look like. Out of six kids, three of them are only a few months apart in age, but all are learning math at a different level. The only two that can really be paired together right now are Andrey and Chamberlain, who are three years apart. So, grades, schmades. Out the window they go.

The grades, I mean, not the kids. Well, sometimes…never mind.

This doesn’t mean we lower our standards. Those haven’t changed. We keep a vision of greatness for each of our kids, and we notice more and more that when we hold a high standard up for them, they live up to it. If we give them a pass for low standards, they live…down…to that, too.

We want our kids to live it up…not live it down.

We have high expectations, but we’re learning that we need to take some new routes to achieve them. We can cry in rage and frustration because it feels weird, because this place doesn’t look normal, or we can learn some new programs and really get somewhere.

This also doesn’t mean that we cave to pressures of political correctness, or to visions of what armchair quarterbacks think things should look like. We don’t relinquish parental authority or our own common sense to let other people take over areas that are our responsibility as parents. We can ask for help with discernment without falling to the faulty assumption that “experts know better,” because they simply don’t. They don’t know our children better than we do, and they don’t know their needs better than we do…and unfortunately, many of them are only experts in their own eyes, for their own ego. Hard-working parents have no time for that.

Sometimes it feels like we are constantly letting go of what we thought things should look like right now, letting it break, letting it soak, letting Him scrub us, letting Him move. We’re taking on His vision for what things actually do look like right now, in order to get to His vision of what life should look like later: a destiny of greatness.

We can embrace snow in May because we know glorious is coming. It will be awesome. And you know what else?

Weird is just a side effect of awesome.