learning languages: a journal of grief, growth, & becoming, part 2

Every week at Grandma’s is different now. She was chattier in December and January; she ate lunch with us sometimes. She knew me, and mostly knew who the kids were.

learning languages: a journal of grief, growth, and becoming, part 2

One week we talked about homeschooling, which she did with her youngest two boys. She watched as the kids kept coming over for me to check their work or answer questions.

“How do you keep it all straight?” she asked.

“I don’t know…how did you?”

“I don’t know.” She almost grinned. “I’m glad I had all I could handle. It was a good thing. It was good for all of us, good learning for all of us.”

It is good to have all we can handle, to be stretched beyond what we think we can do…as long as we don’t give up. As long as we lean on Him. Because in spite of what people say, He will give us more than we can handle, because that’s how we grow. That’s also how, when we do the thing that was too much for us to do on our own, we recognize His grace.

We never accomplish alone, in our own strength, by our own brainpower.

And this is good news because I’ve been feeling very stupid lately while learning Greek. It is a beautiful, aggravating language that fools you with easy words like “párti” for party, and “souper market” for super market, but as soon as your guard is down it smacks you upside the head with i̱lektronikós ypologistí̱s, which is ten syllables just to say “computer.”

I know I’ve made fun of English for being stupid, but at least we have sensible blends, like sl in slow, or br in brown. For the most part, our letters flow in a civilized manner.

But in Greek, you have hard consonants like k and t at the beginning of words like ktizo (“to build”). You have phrases like esy ftiaxneis (“you make”), and you wonder WHAT in the WORLD are you supposed to do with that second word because f and t are together at the beginning of it, and you’ve also got to figure out how to deal with that weird xn in the middle.

Hint: You almost (but not quite) get rid of the “s” sound in the x, so what you’re left with, phonetically spelled, is…

[types, then quickly deletes]

…something you shouldn’t try pronouncing around your kids. Or your grandma, even if she’s Irish.

It’s sort of like learning to play violin: No one should do it until they’re an expert.

But here we are, asked to do so many things before we are experts, before we even have the slightest clue what we are really doing. Instead, we are living in ironic juxtaposition that seems to make no sense.

I do not know how we are keeping it all straight; I actually don’t think we are, at all. I think we have situations like those hard consonants that don’t normally blend, and suddenly they’re holding hands and swing dancing drunkenly together anyway, teaching us whole new sounds we never imagined. Párti.

A friend shared this a while back, and it stuck with me:

source

Can you handle feeling incompetent long enough to attain fluency? This is not just about languages, of course.

It is slow work, this absorbing and distilling and creating. Remember, we are not performing, we are becoming.

For it is precept upon precept, precept upon precept,
line upon line, line upon line,
here a little, there a little.

– Isaiah 28:10

And more good news: God knows what we’re doing and where we’re going, long before we do. He is training us for the journey, making us like Him when we let Him.

He is putting us where He wants us, and preparing us for what’s ahead.


In the Old Testament I’ve made it to Judges, which is sort of the Best and Worst of Bible Stories. I’m currently still toward the beginning where it’s pretty normal, before you get to the what-the-what parts that remind us once again that just because we read about someone in Scripture, it doesn’t mean God wants us to imitate them.

I would, however, love to add t-shirts to our merch page that advertise “Jael’s camping gear”…tents, hammers, gorgeous rugs, mugs of warm milk…I digress.

We do need to talk about Jael though, because she’s a prime example of someone being where you don’t expect them to be, doing what you don’t expect them to do.

We’re in Judges 4, when Deborah, a prophetess, is judging Israel. She was an answer to prayer after twenty years of the Israelites’ sin and oppression, and with her leadership, they were finally ready to stand up to their oppressor: King Jabin of Hazor.

So Deborah summoned Barak and gave him the word from the Lord, telling him how to defeat Sisera, the general of the King Jabin’s army. Barak said he’d only go if Deborah went with him, and she said, Sure, but since you were a pansyyou won’t be able to take out Sisera; the Lord is going to let a woman do it. My paraphrase.

Instructions and strategy follow, and then we get to this odd sentence right in the middle of the action. No segue, no transition, no apparent reason why it’s there at all:

Now Heber the Kenite had separated from the other Kenites, that is, the descendants of Hobab the father-in-law of Moses, and had encamped as far away as Elon-bezaanannim, which is near Kedesh.

– Judges 4:11

And we’re like, Who is this guy, and why do we care? What is he even doing here? But if you know the story, you know where this is going and why that sentence is there.

In our lives though, we usually don’t know the full story. Our strange little sidebars and interruptions seem completely out of place. We often think we are out of place.

So was Heber. Heber the Kenite had moved far away…sounds like the beginning of a limerick by Dr. Suess.

Anyway, after that odd sentence we jump right back into the action again: Sisera knows the Israelites are on the move, so he calls his 900 chariots and they start to move, too, but the Lord is there and He throws Sisera’s army into a panic. Sisera flees on foot while Barak pursues his chariots and army to Sisera’s hometown, Harosheth-ha-goiim, a place that would only be harder to pronounce if it were Greek.

But Sisera flees on foot in a different direction…and we find out why Heber was mentioned earlier.

Now Sisera had fled away on foot to the tent of Jael, wife of Heber the Kenite –

(Ohhhh…but wait, there’s more!)

…for there was peace between King Jabin of Hazor and the clan of Heber the Kenite.

– Judges 4:17

Heber the Kenite had moved far away…because his family was on friendly terms with the king who was oppressing the Israelites. The King that the Lord had sold them into for their disobedience.

The king who was Sisera’s boss.

The Lord put Heber where He wanted him, because…you know this story, right?

Jael, his wife was at home for the day…

Because Heber’s wife had a destiny to introduce the temple of Sisera’s head to the business end of her tent peg.

And now our limerick is complete:

Heber the Kenite had moved far away
Jael, his wife, was at home for the day
Where Sisera had fled
Wanting drink, and a bed
But her hammer made certain he’d stay.

(Thank you, thank you.)

Let’s pause here for a few important questions:

  • Can we handle feeling displaced long enough to defeat the enemy?
  • Are we mature enough to emotionally regulate ourselves, in spite of the enemy’s threat, and in spite of not knowing exactly what we’re doing?
  • Are we going to agree with smallness and shrink back, or are we willing to go and do what He sends us to, when we don’t have the full plan?

We might be where we’re at because we need this practice.


That conversation with Grandma I mentioned earlier was one of our last coherent talks. She has been so far away since then; she can barely hear me, usually doesn’t understand me, and sometimes doesn’t recognize me. She is displaced and none of us like learning this new language.

But I know growth is happening under the surface, in relationships and minds and hearts. God is giving us more than we can handle, and we’re feeling stretched and stupid and humbled as we attain a new kind of fluency.

We are learning why certain things trigger us, why we are withdrawing, and we’re finding new words for feelings we’ve never identified or bothered to articulate before.

Still, it feels like no one should have to do this until they’re an expert. And none of us want to be experts at this.

No one wants to be an expert in grief, displacement, brokenness, or feeling stupid in the things we wish we already understood.

Instead of neglecting your garden in the hope that God will rescue you from this situation and send you somewhere else, go rake your garden. Take care of your garden as if this season was the last season and you want to leave it beautiful for the next family who uses it.

– Katie James, Tetragon Lift

Is this the last season? In so many ways, yes. We do not know how much time we have left in anything, with anyone.

Last week, Grandma gave me a long hug when we were leaving. With her face in my hair, she said, “You be safe going home, now.”

I want that for her, too. We want to steward these days well, however many are left.

What feels too hard will become more familiar. The sounds we don’t know how to make will start rolling off our tongues with a little more practice. We won’t feel stupid in this area forever. (We’ll gain fluency and feel stupid in other areas, instead.)

We cannot keep it all straight, and it is more than we can handle, but we are not handling it on our own. This is where we recognize His grace, and it is good learning for all of us.



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favorite books of 2025

“Mom, what’s a frigate?” Finn asked, laying on Grandma’s living room floor. His language arts binder was opened in front of him.

“There is no frigate like a book!” I quoted. “Have you heard that yet?”

He shook his head.

Kav looked up and raised his eyebrows.

My cousin pondered for a second, and then shook his head, too.

But across the kitchen Chamberlain smirked, because she knew. She spent quite a bit of last year immersed in Emily Dickinson.

There is no Frigate like a Book
To take us Lands away
Nor any Coursers like a Page
Of prancing Poetry –
This Traverse may the poorest take
Without oppress of Toll –
How frugal is the Chariot
That bears the Human Soul –

– Emily Dickinson

(Anyone who can express ideas this brilliantly has earned the right to capitalize and punctuate however they choose.)

favorite books of 2025 by Shannon Guerra @Copperlight Wood

Out of the 58 frigates I traversed last year, here are my favorites:

Something Fresh/Leave it to Psmith by P.G. Wodehouse

This was the year I got Vince addicted to reading Wodehouse. High five. We each read several of his books last year and these two were by far our favorites; I also managed to get Something Fresh into Gaining Ground’s list of books, which means I read it twice in six months and still loved it. These are the first two in the Blandings series and the plots are pretty similar, but both are such hilarious chaos that you won’t even care.

…he took the entire staircase in one majestic, volplaning sweep. There were eleven stairs in all separating his landing from the landing below, and the only ones he hit were the third and tenth.

— P.G. Wodehouse, Leave it to Psmith

That Hideous Strength by C.S. Lewis

This was also the year I finally read The Space Trilogy, of which That Hideous Strength is the final book. All three were good and opened my eyes in new ways. But this one reads more like a typical novel (not really sci-fi at all, and can be read as a standalone), and I could not put it down.

There are a dozen views about everything until you know the answer. Then there’s never more than one.

― C.S. Lewis, That Hideous Strength

To use modern terms that parallel our times, the plot revolves around a normie couple who finds themselves on opposite sides: One is lured by pride and insecurity into the deepest of deep state corruption, and the other stumbles into an eclectic group of (mostly) ordinary faithfuls taking refuge together and watching for their moment to intervene.

I loved almost all of it, didn’t understand quite a bit of it, and was mindblown by the last third of the book which will forever change how I see God. It is not a kids’ book by any means; Vin read the first two (Out of the Silent Planet and Perelandra) aloud to our ten-year-old, but this one starts right off with adult themes and continues into violent, disturbing concepts.

She Deserves Better by Sheila Wray Gregoire, et al

Yep, it looks like a liberal feminist book – which no doubt had something to do with our local library’s decision to carry it – but the full title is She Deserves Better: Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self, and Speaking Up, and it is a Biblically accurate book (with the exception of when concepts like spiritual warfare are discussed, which are not the author’s wheelhouse; when the authors stay in their lane – 99.8% of the time – the information is excellent) that reviews where the Church (including youth groups, conferences, and media aimed at teens and couples) has veered astray, pressing girls/women into ideologies and double standards that the Bible never intended.

Even though I didn’t attend youth group until my senior year of high school, these teachings were familiar to me and we even taught them 20 years ago when we first led younger couples. We have since repented because they don’t reflect what the Bible actually teaches, nor do they bear fruit that Christians can be proud of.

We gave copies of this book to our daughters for Christmas. If I could, I would buy copies for you, too. Resolving these issues and teaching them correctly moves us far upstream to prevent a host of tragedies later on. You can read a related post here by Vince.

“Our job is not to raise obedient daughters who won’t make waves. Our job is to raise daughters who will run after Jesus without worrying if they’re faster or slower than the boys around them.”

– Gregoire et al, She Deserves Better

Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk

This was the second time I read this book, and for the record, I didn’t like it the first time. That was about 12 years ago when I was living in the midst of chaos and depression; I was trying to do everything right with our special needs kids but feeling like I must still be doing everything wrong because nothing seemed to be working. I felt so, so helpless and overwhelmed, and we had a lot of healing that just needed to work out over time. So reading a book about powerful choices in difficult relationships while still feeling so extremely powerless to change our family’s situation was not the best timing, probably.

But! By this time around, I’d learned that feeling powerless and being powerless are two separate things…and also, life is so much easier than it was then. So much healing has come…sometimes it just takes a long time to see it. So what am I saying? If your life is falling apart, this may (or may not) be the best book for you. But it’s worth a shot. The principles in it are solid, and Kingdom culture is lived out through them.

favorite books of 2025 by Shannon Guerra @ Copperlight Wood

Persuasion by Jane Austen

Do I even have to tell you why this is worth reading? Because it’s Jane Austen, that’s why.

Not good enough? You don’t know what that even means? Fine. Persuasion is a remarkable example of wit and observation on human nature, and a scathing rebuke of hypocrisy and vanity:

Also, it’s shorter than most of Austen’s other novels, so you should try it.

Cry, the Beloved Country by Alan Paton

File this under “books I should’ve read 30 years ago, but somehow missed.”

The first thing I noticed in this one was the odd punctuation. There are no quotation marks for dialogue, and somehow that makes the tone of the book feel so much gentler and quieter, even as the story covers hard things. (The Road is another example of this.)

Cry, the Beloved Country is about a minister in South Africa who needs to find his estranged sister and son in Johannesburg. In that journey, he finds unlikely allies and unlikely opponents. My big takeaway from it: Regardless of our how other people revere us, our strongest, most impactful ministry is to our own family, whether they choose to receive it or not.

Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

I think I’ve read this epic five times now, and it still holds up. I’ve written why here. If you start it now, you have a good chance of finishing it by 2027. (grin)

Rise to Rebellion and The Glorious Cause by Jeff Shaara

In spite of being married to a history nerd who owns over a dozen books by this author, I had never read any of them until 2025.

These two are about the Revolutionary War and I liked the first, loved the second, and felt like I finally got an understanding of the main people, events, and strategies of that time in history. They read like fiction, and the examples of leadership and integrity illustrated in this series are lessons we and our children need.

Made In China by Amelia Pang

This is one of a very few books that I think everyone — especially Christians — should read and be aware of.

After working eight hours a day in the quarry, prisoners had to manufacture artificial flowers for six more hours at night. Chen folded adhesive labels to garish lilies, tulips, and poppies. He glued fake stems to polyester and silk flowers. The mustiness of the silk mingled with the strong glue, covering the iron scent of blood.

— Amelia Pang, Made in China

Do you know how all the cheap made-in-China goods are made? Do you know why they’re so “affordable?” It’s because the labor isn’t paid for. Or it is, but only by the slaves — many of whom are Christians and other religious minorities — and the price they pay is often their lives. We have no excuses and we need to stop profiting from slave labor.

I wrote a longer write up on this here (scroll down to “books I loved this month”).

The Awe of God by John Bevere

There’s revival within these pages: personal, corporate, national, global. Such an important message. I talked about it more in this post also, and Vince wrote a longer review here.

A Man For All Seasons by Robert Bolt

If you’ve never read a play before, this is a good one to start with. It reads surprisingly fast, is filled with humor, and tells the story of Thomas More, who refused to compromise his principles and capitulate under pressure to Henry VIII when he desperately wanted More’s sanction/blessing/passive approval/thumbs up to divorce Catherine of Aragon (wife #1, whom he was married to for 24 years) so he could marry Anne Boleyn (wife #2, whom he had beheaded after 3 years).

You probably already know that Henry’s love life continued to plunge downhill from there, and he should’ve just listened to Thomas.

Man and Woman, One in Christ by Phillip Payne

Great book with important information that Christians — especially pastors — need to know. Yes, there’s some Greek in here, but we can do hard things, and those who teach the Bible surely ought to take the time to do them. :) The book is a little repetitive in places but even the repetition is helpful because there’s so much information to absorb. (Payne has a simplified version called The Bible Vs. Biblical Womanhood that I’ll be reading this year. If Greek makes you nervous, that might be the book for you.)

Teachers will be held to greater accountability. Those who promote Biblically-illiterate notions that women should be silent in churches and cannot lead or teach need to take the time to learn the original language, context, and culture of Biblical passages before they promote false teachings out of laziness, ignorance, or bias, and oppress half of God’s image bearers in the process.


Some honorable mentions…meaning, I really liked these books too, but not enough to write another paragraph about each one because I’m tired of fighting Bingley for the keyboard:

Ivanhoe by Sir Walter Scott
Gentian Hill by Elizabeth Goudge
Barchester Towers by Anthony Trollope
The Complete Tales of Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne
Changes That Heal by Henry Cloud


One of the nerdy-fun things we do with our reading is we have this chart on our fridge. I’ve mentioned it before, and we adjust the categories every year. But still, even with all that tweaking and all the books we read this year, a few of last year’s categories didn’t get marked off because the books we were finishing toward the end of the year didn’t quite fit the ones that were left. We’ll keep trying.

By the end of the year, our list looks like this:

And currently, our new list looks like this:

If you’d like to do your own version of this challenge with some friends or your family, here’s a free download of the list we’re using this year. Feel free to copy and adjust it to your own interests.

And! If you’d like to read more classics this year, we’d love for you to join us at Gaining Ground, where we’re currently in the middle of At the Back of the North Wind by George MacDonald but you are welcome to jump in anytime.

Want to see my previous years’ favorites? Here you go, in reverse order: 202420232022, and 2021.

Praying that you journey on so many incredible frigates this year,

Shannon

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the gift is free…but it’ll cost you everything

That’s the sentence one of our pastors said a couple weeks ago. We were gathered in the living room like normal, almost but not quite stuffed to the gills…and by that, I guess I mean two things: First, the room was full but not overly crowded, and second, it was Italian night but somehow 2/3 of the potluck was dessert.

the gift is free...but it'll cost you everything | Shannon Guerra @ Copperlight Wood

Finnegan was sitting in Vin’s lap, and Kav and I were on the floor, coloring. The discussion was about how Jesus invited people to the Kingdom – His approach was not the bad-news-called-good-news gaslighting that is sometimes misdelivered. Nor was it the flimsy appeal we hear so often that feels like a discounted ticket to an event you have no interest in, or junk mail promises from political candidates asking you to vote for them…but I repeat myself.

Anyway, when our pastor said, “The gift is free…but it’ll cost you everything,” Finnegan spoke up, which he’s hardly ever done before.

“What sense does that make?!”

Great question, right? We all thought so. How can a gift be free if it costs you anything, much less everything?

Discussion went back and forth. Adult-y concepts were tossed around, like debts, and payments, and real estate deeds, and ownership. This stuff makes sense to us, but they’re not on the grid of most ten-year-olds.

Finally I asked Finn, “What’s your favorite color?”

“Blue,” he said.

“Alright. You have a blue dot, and it represents your whole life. The whole thing – every day, everything you have, your whole being, is this blue dot. It fits right here,” – I held out my hands – “and has a beginning and end. That’s your life.”

“Okay…”

“But Jesus offers us a line that has no end. It’s infinite, goes on forever. He created it and paid everything for it, and you can have it for free – but you have to give Him your blue dot, because you can’t have both. It can only be one or the other.”

“Huh.” Wheels were turning. We’ve been going over this scripture for weeks, months.

You were dead [past tense] through the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the ruler of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work [present tense] among those who are disobedient.

All of us once lived among them in the passions of our flesh, doing the will of flesh and senses, and we were by nature children of wrath, like everyone else,

but God, who is rich in mercy, out of the great love with which he loved us even when we were dead through our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ

—by grace you have been saved—

and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus,

so that in the ages to come he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

— Ephesians 2:1-7

“So the whole, unending line is free…but it’ll cost you everything. The whole blue dot. This, “ – I held out my hands again, a foot apart – “for this.” Hands flung wide.

“It doesn’t even seem fair,” he laughed, and the rest of us agreed. It’s not fair; it really is the most lopsided deal in the world.

And he gave his dot to Jesus, right there, in front of everyone.

Indeed, just as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, so also the Son gives life to whomever he wishes.

The Father judges no one but has given all judgment to the Son, so that all may honor the Son just as they honor the Father. Anyone who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent him.

Very truly, I tell you, anyone who hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and does not come under judgment but has passed from death to life.

Very truly, I tell you, the hour is coming and is now here when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God, and those who hear will live.

— John 5:21-25

Anyone who hears and believes exchanges death for life, their dot for the line.

After Finn prayed, our friend Chris said, “I see this picture of Jesus taking all of our dots to a wall. On the wall is a picture that’s being made of dots in all their different colors, and when someone gives their dot to God, through salvation, God adds it to the picture. Every dot missing represents someone who is still separate from Him.”

We begin inside the dot, stretching and pushing against its sides, unable to do anything but strive against its ungiving, deceptive boundaries. We choose between being the master of our dot or the steward of the line, but we can’t have both.

Jesus doesn’t give up ownership; we do. He is still the master of the line, but in exchanging our puny domain for His, our world expands deep and wide.

God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world but in order that the world might be saved through him.

Those who believe in him are not condemned, but those who do not believe are condemned already because they have not believed in the name of the only Son of God.

And this is the judgment, that the light has come into the world, and people loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil.

For all who do evil hate the light and do not come to the light, so that their deeds may not be exposed.

But those who do what is true come to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that their deeds have been done in God.

— John 3:17-21

That night while putting the boys to bed, we talked for a long time: about dots and lines, mosaics and murals, the Holy Spirit and surrender.

We talked about hearing God’s voice and moving in cooperation with what He says, and the ways we explain this to six- and ten-year-olds really isn’t that different than how we explain it to adults. We invite honestly, without manipulation or apology or junk mail promises, because Jesus doesn’t need gimmicks to justify the offer.

Kids understand as well as we do – maybe better – that it is the best deal in the world for us to trade our entire ownership of this temporary, decaying mess for the free, eternal, light-filled expansion.

“What color is your dot, Kav?” I asked our six-year-old.

He grinned. “Red.”

And before falling asleep, he prayed, and traded his dot for the line, too.



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