the story is in there

“I want to make that. And I want to make that.”

Finn is flipping pages in one of the Irish cookbooks Grandma gave me years ago, pointing to the pictures like it’s his favorite story: barm brack, shortbread, scones, seafood pie, game pie. He’s next to me on the crowded couch while I eat a late breakfast, sharing my fried banana cookie with Kav.

the story is in there: finding God in the midst of the overwhelm

He flips to the desserts and I’m glad I’m already having a sweet breakfast (sugar-free, thankyouverymuch) because now Finn’s saying I want to make that, and that, and that about blackberry crumble, autumn pudding, barley flummery, burnt cream, and carrageen pudding. I don’t know what some of those are but the language speaks to something deep within me, and the pictures are drool-worthy.

“I want to make that,” he says again, and whoops, he’s already made it to the drinks section and is pointing at a layered cocktail. The pictures look festive and innocent – sloe gin, blas meala, Gaelic coffee. But mulled cider and driver’s special notwithstanding, the main ingredient in several of them is whiskey. Slainté.

I’ve never made most of the recipes in this book – though I do love a wee splash of whiskey in a mug of decaf late at night on occasion – but maybe someday I will, if I have the right ingredients.

And also, maybe someday I will when there’s more time.

Or, when there’s different time. In a different season. Because this season is so full, I don’t have the time (or at least, the inclination) to scour the Matanuska Valley for a source of Irish moss – and while I’ve accidentally substituted daisy leaves for dill before (more about that in a sec), I don’t trust any Alaskan moss as a substitute for it in pudding.

Because this is often a season of overwhelm. Vin just ran most of the kids to a piano lesson and errands, and left me at home to get some undisturbed work in, because usually, work is disturbed. Or, not disturbed, because the kids are still and always the main work – but it is nice to be able to type my own thoughts in quiet every once in a while, without checking math problems and correcting behavior and spelling words like “celery” because someone wants to borrow my phone to look up whether or not the cats are allergic to it.

(They’re not, in case you were wondering.)

And sometimes, given enough of those moments to type in peace, a book comes out of them.

Work That God Sees: prayerful motherhood in the midst of the overwhelm (complete edition)

Which brings me back to the daisy-accidentally-substituted-as-dill. That story is in there.

Also, the story about when I almost drove into a snowy ditch because little Chamberlain was yelling at me from the backseat about that one time Wendy came over for all the beer. I have a good reason for that, and it’s in there.

Work That God Sees: prayerful motherhood in the midst of the overwhelm (complete edition)

Also, one or two stories about trying to complete purchases from the unmentionables department unscathed by physical injury, emotional remorse, or other trauma.

Also, the story of how Grandma taught me (but obviously not Vince) how to fold fitted sheets.

Work That God Sees: prayerful motherhood in the midst of the overwhelm (complete edition)

And also, because dads also do the work that God sees, the story of Vince pickle-forking. (In his words, it’s not as fun as it sounds.)

But also, there are the stories of God teaching me to slow down.

Of God showing me how He sees me when it feels like no one notices the work I’ve done.

Work That God Sees: prayerful motherhood in the midst of the overwhelm (complete edition)

Of me learning to widen my circle after years of isolation, and learning to find light in dark places.

Of us learning to redraw new lines from old, unhealthy patterns, and find redemption in the process of starting over.

Of God teaching me to keep my eyes on Him so my kids will want to see Who I’m looking at.

Those are all in there, and they will speak to something deep within you.

And also, if you, like Finn, are in a phase of “wanting to make that,” there are knitting patterns, a crafty project or two, and several extremely quirky, non-technical recipes for you to try, including the fried banana cookie. (There’s no whiskey in any of them, I promise.)

Work That God Sees: prayerful motherhood in the midst of the overwhelm (complete edition)

If you are in this season of doing it all and still never feeling like enough is getting done, of wanting to do more but often feel a little (or a lot) hopeless about ever being able to it, and sometimes you wonder if there’s any purpose to the mundane repetition of all the work that is never finished, this book is for you.

Work That God Sees: prayerful motherhood in the midst of the overwhelm (complete edition)

If you are trying to hear God in the middle of the mayhem, this book is for you.

If you want to know how seen and loved and strong you are in this season of meeting everyone else’s needs and just trying to find time to squeeze in a shower, this book is for you.

Work That God Sees: prayerful motherhood in the midst of the overwhelm (complete edition)

Our oldest just turned twenty, and our youngest turns two next month. Friends, I have been in this season for a long, loooong time. I know how dark and frustrating and ridiculous it can be.

But I also know how faithful He is to meet us right there, in the midst of the overwhelm.

And that story is in there, too.

_______

Work That God Sees: Complete Edition is available now on our site and in bookstores.

Work That God Sees: prayerful motherhood in the midst of the overwhelm (complete edition)

being the bride: how the church is equipped for battle

Maybe like you, during the beginning of the Covid mayhem I went for weeks without seeing anyone outside my immediate family. But then the joke was over, the jig was up — and in a span of 48 hours, four different people stopped by the Lighthouse to either borrow books, return books, or purchase books.

One of those friends also dropped off a little bag of chocolates, at which point the sun broke through the clouds and angels started singing, almost.

being the bride: how the church is equipped for battle in the midst of the wilderness

I ate one of the chocolates at my desk that afternoon. Then, in the spirit of (cough) research, I tried another one to properly compare the varieties. And that one had almonds – and I thought, well, yes, I could use more protein right now.

So there went the neighborhood.

I’ve gone days, weeks, months, whole seasons without chocolate or any kind of sugar. But this wasn’t one of those seasons. Nope, this season was a weird one, when we all fasted from a bunch of things, but sugar probably wasn’t one of them.

We fasted from friends. From gatherings. From normal activities, from typical routines and appointments and meetings. From running to the grocery store whenever we felt like it for whatever we needed. And we didn’t really know where this was going, or when the fast would be over.

I called Grandma to check in on her, and she was good – watching for moose, watching the news, and watching her cat, mostly. Her church is small and doesn’t have online services, and she missed people.

“I haven’t seen your dad in ages,” she said. “He came by the other day to drop off fuel, but he didn’t come in. Just put the receipt in the door.” (Did I mention she misses people?)

“Grandma…he can’t visit with you,” I reminded her. “He can’t expose you to anything he might’ve been around.”

“Well, I know that,” she scoffed, “but I’d rather visit!” She’s super cute. She’s also totally related to my girls; I heard both Cham and Iree in her frustration.

She told me about quarantines when she was young. They were different, of course; you might say they were actually constitutional. They were specified to certain families and households, not a global lockdown that convinced, coerced, or manipulated everyone into house arrest. In the early ’40s when she was ten, Grandma’s family was quarantined because she had scarlatina.

“They put a big red sign on the door, telling people to stay away. I don’t think they do that anymore.”

Nope, they just tell us all to stay home, and nobody comes close enough to see a sign. But I thought of the red ribbon we tacked to our front door that year – maybe you hung one, too – for Passover and Easter. It, too, was a sign of sorts, representing the protection of the Lord from destruction.

And that is the season we are still in: a season of rest, protection, and healing. Of quiet waiting. Of trusting in the Lord’s covering and guidance, watching for His direction, and wondering what is coming next.

For the Israelites, what happened next was the Exodus. And here’s what happened:

When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them by way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near. For God said, “Lest the people change their minds when they see war and return to Egypt.” 

– Exodus 13:17, ESV

God didn’t show them the easy way out. He knew better.

But He didn’t only do it because the Israelites would’ve returned to slavery. And He didn’t only do it because the Israelites would’ve cowered from the war ahead.

He did it because they were called to something much bigger than they imagined, and they needed to learn how to live up to it.

But God led the people around by the way of the wilderness toward the Red Sea. And the people of Israel went up out of the land of Egypt equipped for battle.

– Exodus 13:18, ESV

They needed to learn who (and Who) they were dealing with. They needed to learn that children of God are a force to be reckoned with, not slaves to the expectations of others – or, sometimes worse, their own expectations. Sometimes our expectations are far too low.

This solitude from gathering for those weeks (or for some, months) was like a fast, realigning us, walking us through a wilderness that forced us to seek Him for direction. We can’t do things the way we’ve always done. In many ways, that is bringing long-needed correction.

How will we work without our office and coworkers? How will we learn without the school and the systems? How will we find information when we know we can’t trust the media?

How will we be the church outside the building?

We can rest and surrender, or push fruit and strive – but only one equips us for battle.

We talk a lot about “being the church” and yes, we need to be the church. But we don’t have to spend so much time thinking about how to be the church if we just focus on being the Bride, with our eyes on Him instead of trying to recreate the way we’re used to doing things. “Being the church” tends to move our focus outward: creating (or re-creating) programs, meetings, events, and those are all good things. But they are not the cornerstone; they are extra stones. They aren’t foundational, they are auxiliary.

It reminds me of when I first started homeschooling our oldest. We called it “homeschooling” but we weren’t truly homeschooling at all, because all I had ever known was public school. And that’s what we did at home: we re-created public schooling, from home. It sucked. It was not true homeschooling.

We didn’t start truly homeschooling until I got comfortable enough to buck all the preconceived ideas I had about how school ought to look and just start enjoying learning with our kids. Because school wasn’t the point; education was. And I was missing the forest for the trees.

If we just tweak our routines and programs rather than surrender entirely to what He is prompting us toward, we might be doing the same thing. We cannot be equipped for battle if we’re clinging so tightly to old ways that we cannot catch onto the new thing God is telling us to do.

And it’s hard; it takes time to learn new ways, to rip out old work. But it takes way more time to keep pushing through on something that bears fruit at 10% when it should be bearing fruit at 100%.

It takes even more time when we realize that we should’ve spent that time and effort in an entirely different direction. The best time to obey is when God first tells us. The second best time to obey is right now.

God led the Israelites – just like He’s leading us – by a winding way so they would start walking in their identity instead of returning to slavery. It was for their protection that they didn’t know where they were going. “Lest the people change their minds” – He still protects us from knowing what we can’t handle. The unknowing is for our good, and we can rest in that as long as our eyes are on Him first.

People notice the church being the church all the time. But they will stop what they’re doing to watch the church who is being the Bride, because the Bride knows who she is – protected, obedient, and surrendered, but she’s also equipped for battle.

with vision: reading with Grandma

Kav’s hair was all tufted and feathery-soft after his bath, copper in some lights and red in others. I sniffed him and ruffled it, and before I knew what I was saying, these words came out of my mouth:

“His hair is so pretty.” I paused. “Listen to me, I sound just like Grandma.”

with vision: reading with Grandma

For nineteen years Grandma has called our babies’ hair pretty, and she doesn’t care whether it’s a boy or a girl she’s crooning over. Anyone under ten is fair game.

The next day, we drove the wavy road to her house in forty degree weather. Puddles from the last few days’ rain on the roadside trail were still glazed with ice in the early afternoon, and you could see their frozen lines crisscrossed on their surface. If you grew up in cold weather, you can imagine the perfect crunch these puddles must make if you walked on them. But no one had walked on these ones yet; through miles of the road, they were all still untouched.

Forgive me for going on about the puddles. We’ve been listening to an audio version of Nicholas Nickleby on these drives between Wasilla and Palmer, and Dickens makes me verbose.

It’s a forty minute drive all the way past the river, and Kav’s tolerance for car rides usually expires around the 25-30 minute mark (I don’t think this is Dickens’ fault). So since we don’t make it over as often as we’d like, we planned a two-for-one-deal this time: Stop at Grandma’s house before heading to Dad’s, where the kids were going to rake leaves while Vin put the winter tires on the Stagecoach.

Grandma turned 88 this month. She’s been losing her vision for years; her peripheral vision is still good, but faces are hard to see and reading is almost impossible. She misses driving and seeing people, but she especially misses reading.

And she doesn’t like audiobooks and I don’t blame her; we both must have similar attention spans.

But I was praying about it the week before and an idea struck me, so I asked her about it that day:

What if we could read to her from home? What if we recorded some of our school readings out loud, and burned them to a CD, and gave her a new one every time we came over?

It would be different than a normal audiobook. It would be us in all our mess and glory – Finnegan’s interruptions, questions from the kids, babbling from Kav and meowing from the cats – and it would be less like being alone or being read to by some stranger (professional though they may be), and more like we’re there with her.

And she liked that idea. She also liked knowing that it would be help us with school, motivating the kids to practice reading aloud.

So we’ve been filling the Voice Memo app on my phone with chapters and we’re halfway through several books now…and so far, only one of them is interspersed with me bossing a toddler to stop jumping on the couch, stop wrestling with his baby brother, and stop driving his racecar over the cat.

See? Like I said, it’s just like we’re there.

I called her again a few days ago – her number is the only one I still dial because it hasn’t ever changed – and gave her an update on our progress. Who’s reading what, what’s almost done, which characters get silly voices.

“Some people are just readers,” she said. “Other people read with vision.”

And then she started telling me about when she was a kid. They had poor light in the evening but she read in it anyway; she needed glasses long before she got them, and maybe that’s at least partly why her vision is gone now.

“It was a different world. People will never know what a different world it was back then.” She talked about the rationing in World War II. Sugar was rationed; it was a rare occasion when you could go to the store and see bags of sugar on the shelf. Paper products were hard to come by.

So many things are ever so much better, she said. Our lighting is so much better now. People have no excuse for not being readers these days. It was an altogether different world then.

But that day when we visited, it was the normal, familiar world of Grandma’s house: We dropped off cookies, the boys used her recliner as a merry-go-round, and we fortified ourselves with hugs before heading to Dad’s for yardwork.

And when Finn went up to her for his hug, these words came out of her mouth:

“Look at you, and your pretty hair!” she said, running her fingers through his blond tufts. But we saw that coming, I guess.