context: the riches are found when we stop skimming the surface

context: the riches are found when we stop skimming the surface

For years now I’ve shared a small section of my personal Bible reading with a photo, because God’s word is for every day, all parts of our days and lives.

Everyday photos: dishes, mountains, cats, crochet. Sometimes blurry, imperfect photos. Because our days are sometimes blurry and imperfect, and the Word still applies to them.

Due to space restraints and the fleeting attention span of the average scroller, I usually only post a few verses that can be basically understood without a ton of other context.

Here’s what I said about it a while back:

These verses are only a small drop in the bucket. If we profess to know Jesus, the Living Word, we need to know the written word…the whole thing.

And if we don’t know the written word in context, we don’t know it at all.

I heard this from a conference a few months ago and it astounded me:

We did a show of hands a few years back at a pastor’s conference – not one of ours, but another ministry – and we asked the pastors, “How many of you have read the whole Bible?”

Only 40% of the crowd had read the whole Bible. This was in America, in Southern Cal, Orange County.

One of the pastors said, “Well, I’m not dealing with theology, I’m dealing with people’s issues.”

And I’m like, “Well, that’s why your people have so many issues.”

– Michael Kulianos

At a pastor’s conference, only 40% of the crowd of pastors had actually read the entire Bible.

WHAT.

The other 60% are those who presume to teach the Bible without actually having fully read it themselves.

This explains a lot of our modern church culture, hmm?

Even regarding the 40% of pastors who had read the whole Bible, we have to ask…have they only read it once, and then checked it off the list? I mean, if 60% hadn’t even read it all the way through, how many of those who had read the Bible…actually read it daily? You know, reeeead it, as in, they study and examine it, and keep pursuing truth?

Instead of growing deep and wide, diving in and exploring broadly, many of us are standing at the shoreline just skipping rocks while thinking we know what’s in the water.

We have a Christian culture disastrously low in Biblical literacy and woefully high in presumption.1 Or, to put it another way, we have churches full of armchair quarterbacks who’ve hardly read the playbook while claiming to be expert enough to teach others about it from the pulpit and elsewhere.

Who is wise and knowledgeable among you? Show by your good life that your works are done with gentleness born of wisdom.

But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not be arrogant and lie about the truth.

This is not wisdom that comes down from above but is earthly, unspiritual, devilish.

– James 3:13-15

Let’s talk about Biblical literacy.

Biblical literacy is not just reading and checking off chapters and getting all the way through, cover to cover.

Biblical literacy means understanding context and language, which includes history and grammar. If you didn’t like those in school, sorry, but they’re necessary if you want to understand scripture rather than making a quick surface application of some random verse in Bible Roulette.

In full disclosure, I grew up on Bible Roulette as a kid, and I don’t know that any church leader was necessarily to blame for this. And later when I started reading the Bible on a daily basis, I definitely read it to check it off more than anything else. It was better than nothing in the begging. Not great, of course, but at least it helped me start to gain a familiarity with the overall picture and timeline of the Old and New Testaments.

But I wasted years just checking off readings. Probably the first ten(ish) times I read it all the way through were more about checking off than digging in (also yes, I can be a slow learner).2

So even in reading it over and over and over, we can easily miss the point. I sure did.


[On a related note, in those days I was under the impression that I hated history because I had hated history classes in school. Then I married a history nerd. That history nerd was not great at grammar and he could misspell words with such creativity that he confounded spellcheck…and he, of course, married me.

God is hilarious and stubbornly redemptive.

It turns out, I don’t hate history. And Vince became a writer.]


Reading only a few verses a day that are taken out of context (whether they are my social media posts, or some influencer’s Instagram post, or two minutes of Bible Roulette, or whatever) is probably worse than reading nothing at all.

Is that shocking? It’s counter to what we’ve been told all along: “If all you can read is a few verses a day, just do that.”

But no, don’t do that. I mean, do that if you have to on certain days, but don’t make it your daily practice and then call it “Bible reading” or “Bible study.”

I have been the mom with seven or eight kids and zero time to go to the bathroom, much less ten minutes to sit on the couch and have quiet time that looks like something you’d see on Pinterest. I’m not arguing against the bits and pieces, here and there, whenever you finally get a free few minutes to breathe.

I’m arguing against the false sense of security and accomplishment achieved by the routine reading of a random few verses here and there, not digging any deeper into their actual application or context, and then moving about our business as though we’ve actually attained some mystical experience and understanding that we don’t actually possess.

That’s what’s not okay.

As a result of this, we have leaders, teachers, pastors, everyday people spouting things that don’t even exist in the Bible but claiming it does because they saw something like it in there somewhere but failed to actually delve into the context to understand the full truth of it.

Or, what’s more common, they assume a thing — “headship” is a good example — and then read it into the Bible because it fits their worldview or what they’ve always been taught, and then create doctrine out of it rather than understanding what those passages actually refer to and investigating whether their concept of it is even in the Scriptures. (Spoiler alert: It’s not.3)

This leads to divisions, arguments, pomposity, stubborn digging in of heels, the diminishing of the gospel, and all kinds of nonsense.

Now I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you be in agreement and that there be no divisions among you but that you be knit together in the same mind and the same purpose.

– 1 Corinthians 1:10

Why does the New Testament talk so much about false teachers? Because they were dealing with them at the time of the writing. And also, because God knew we would be dealing with them, too.

So many have not learned, and then in their lack of learning they have taught others.

But here’s the thing: False teachers aren’t those who teach things you don’t personally like or approve of. False teachers are those who teach something opposed to what God says.

Jesus’ words about this:

But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you lock people out of the kingdom of heaven. For you do not go in yourselves, and when others are going in you stop them.

Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you cross sea and land to make a single convert, and you make the new convert twice as much a child of hell as yourselves.

– Matthew 23:14-15

None of us want this kind of rebuke from the Lord.

So can we set aside what we’ve “always been taught” and always believed and always held onto, and just go back to what the Bible – in fullness, wholeness, and complete context – actually says? Can we go back to what Jesus lived out? Because this is what He is calling us to do.

If we see a section in the Bible that makes us ask questions, we should ask them. We should not brush them off and just say, “Well, it’s in the Word so it must be true.” God gave us a brain to use and the whole Word to examine, and this is not critical thinking. This is cult-like ignorance.4

Here are some verses also in the Word that should not be taken out of context and put into universal application:

Your meetings do more harm than good.
— 1 Corinthians 11:17

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.”
— 1 Corinthians 7:1

So I made up my mind that I would not make another painful visit to you.
— 2 Corinthians 2:1

I wish those who unsettle you would castrate themselves!
— Galatians 5:1

And of course, the most abused and mistranslated:

I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she is to keep silent.
— 1 Timothy 2:12

I mean, we wouldn’t want to fuss with footnotes, original language, cultural context, or any of that other inconvenient stuff…it’s just so much easier to avoid meetings, not touch women, not visit people, castrate offenders, and forbid half of humanity from teaching or talking.

Sigh, snicker.

Here’s the good news (lowercase, not uppercase): We can all do better, and we can do it today.

We can all dive deeper, read wider, pursue more. We can all repent and admit we don’t know as much as we need to or want to.

As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, continue to walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.

Watch out that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental principles of the world, and not according to Christ.

— Colossians 2:6-8

We can all honor each other and listen, and set boundaries with those who won’t reciprocate.

For where there is envy and selfish ambition, there will also be disorder and wickedness of every kind.

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy.

And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

– James 3:16-18

There are human traditions to be found all throughout Christianity that are only loosely based in the Bible and not at all what it intended.

I urge you, brothers and sisters, to keep an eye on those who create dissensions and hindrances, in opposition to the teaching that you have learned; avoid them.

For such people do not serve our Lord Christ but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the simple-minded.

– Romans 16:17-18

Education is not expensive.5 But ignorance is, and it’s costing the Kingdom.

(from the Bible reading plans at AWKNG)

It’s a good time to examine those things we always thought were true, and ask ourselves: Is this actually in the Bible, in context? Or is this just something that some in the Church have taught forever, and never course-corrected?

Because those are not always the same thing.

Wisdom is preserved for those who don’t get caught up in offense, pride, and stubbornness, but are instead caught up in wonder of His goodness.



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footnotes

  1. We also have a mainstream culture disastrously low in any literacy, and still woefully high in presumption. But that’s a discussion for another blog. ↩︎
  2. The closest I’ve come to reading other books multiple times is probably…I’m guessing, but I think 5 times or so each of Lord of the Rings, Pride and Prejudice, Wind in the Willows, and that great classic, The House at Pooh Corner. None of which I grew up reading as a child, except for one I tried (but not really) and hated. Ironically, as I type this, we’re reading that one again to all the kids, and it is my hands-down favorite read aloud ever. ↩︎
  3. If you’d like a video resource on this (under 30 minutes) this is a thorough one. Or if you prefer to read, this excellent short article confronts the modern erroneous use of the term “headship” which is not even in the Bible. The author makes the point that “loveship” would be a more accurate term and make more sense Biblically, because although it, too, is not found in the Bible, husbands are told to love their wives far more (6 times) than they are mentioned as the head (twice) or leader (zero times), or than wives are told to submit or “be subject” (3-4 times, depending on how you count).
    Further, it is important to note that “be subject” or “submit” does not equate to “follow.” See Ephesians 5:21, which prefaces two of the instances for women: “Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This does not mean “Follow each other.” Here is a great article from Marg Mowczko on that, and here is another brief one. ↩︎
  4. For example, David was “a man after God’s own heart.” Does this mean he was above reproach and we can’t be honest about his violentlecherous behavior? Must we therefore assume that whatever he did was justified, or that it should at least be minimized?
    Some people think so, but I’m not one of them. God’s use of imperfect people doesn’t equal His categorical endorsement of their actions. (See also this video on Judges.) ↩︎
  5. My favorite free Bible study resources are BibleProject and AWKNG. ↩︎

trust: where we linger to find joy & wisdom

I spent the last part of April going slowly through Philippians. Not only did this help me remember how to spell “Philippians” (notice: one L, two Ps in the middle) but it also landed me in chapter 4 for three days, which is about 1% of the time I really need to spend there.

Some chapters in life, in books, in the Word, demand us to linger.

trust: where we linger to find joy & wisdom

Philippians 4 is one of my favorites. But this time when I got toward the end of it, I argued a little with God…or, not really with God, but with my old self — my old understandings, old lies, old mentalities that have nothing to do with God, but I used to attribute them to Him. And He caught me doing it again.

We’ve been working on this for a while. And the struggle is actually progress because it means I’m no longer resistant or blind to it, but letting Him transform me.

Here’s the verse I was stuck on:

And my God will fully satisfy every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

— Philippians 4:19

A few things we have to ask right away: Is this verse in context? Sort of — it’s not to us (it’s to the Philippians, of course). But it is for us, demonstrating God’s unchanging character. What is it telling us? He is good. He is generous. He cares for all of His people, not just the Philippians.

So can we take this as a promise for Him? Yes.

Unless you have an old poverty mentality that rears its head and makes excuses. I did, and it did.

Our home’s heating system needs replaced and we don’t know how it will be covered, but we are trusting the Lord. He knows how it will happen, and on most days I’m not even trying to rack my brain to figure it out anymore. The good news is a) we made it through the winter, and b) now that it’s spring, we can keep the system off as much as possible. But it needs taken care of in the next four months.

When I read that verse, though, an old response popped up in my head: Maybe God doesn’t think replacing our heating system is a need.

Is that dumb? (Answer: yes.) Of course our heating system is a need; we live in Alaska. Even if we didn’t live here, it would be a need.

But the thoughts continued: What if we’re not even supposed to keep this house? We’ve been thinking of moving. Maybe God wants us to make less on the sale of this house, so we have to downsize into something smaller, uglier, boxier, with less land, gross carpet, and an obnoxious neighbor…

It sounds like the Old Responsible Religious voice, but if you listen closely you pick up on the accent and notice the snake’s hiss — the one that says God is not really as good as He says He is, and that He cannot be believed or trusted. Did God really say…?

And this is where the Lord caught me, and confronted me.

He also asked questions, and His questions are different:

Does that sound like it reflects My goodness? No.

Do those thoughts ignite fear, or trust? Fear, for sure.

Do those thoughts lead you in hope, peace, and expectation? Or do they lead you toward striving? Ahhh, striving…give me all the things to do, all the numbers to calculate, all the details to fret over. Been there, hated that, lit the ground on fire with that hamster wheel, and broke the axle.

When I realized the difference, the weight lifted. God is going to take care of this. We don’t have to figure it out; we can trust Him. He will fully satisfy every need of ours, including this one. The other thoughts had started pressing me downward in anxiety, but His correction lifted me in hope and clarity.

Did you forget you are My beloved, Love? Sit with Me, and remember.

When lies are replaced with trust, the clouds lift, the sun comes out, the air clears, and anxiety dissipates.

I could practically hear the sniveling whine as the snake scurried away, defeated at the old game he used to beat me at.


Many of us tend to default toward believing negative lies about God rather than the truth of His goodness and love for us. For some of us, the lies make us feel safe, protected from disappointment, or that we’re suffering enough to be righteous.

Sometimes, the lies are just a bad habit that needs to break.

One of the hardest adjustments during my grandma’s first month in her new home is that since she moved, she believes she is alone and people hardly ever come to see her.

It’s not true; there are always people with her and almost every day she has visitors.

But she does not remember the people, or the visits. And since she doesn’t remember them, she believes they aren’t happening. Gahhh. So instead of believing the truth (which would encourage her), she defaulted in those first weeks to believing what is negative and untrue.

Here’s the irony: She knows she is forgetting, that her mind plays tricks on her. So since she will believe something one way or the other, can we help her default instead toward the positive, lovely, and loving? We’re trying, because it’s what’s true. Even if you don’t remember, we’re here every day with you. You are so loved. We haven’t abandoned you, you’re not alone. You’re never alone. Sit with me, and remember.

When she knows she’s loved and not forgotten, she is happier, chattier, and she shares stories and dry humor. But when she thinks she’s been left desolate, she’s miserable, withdrawn, bitter, accusatory, and complaining.

This is true of us, too. When we think God has abandoned us, doesn’t care, doesn’t think our needs are important, we are tormented. But when we know we are loved, thought of, and tenderly cared for, we are much happier — and we move forward productively rather than stalling out in brooding anxiety or despair.


If the enemy can discourage us into fear, striving, or other forms of negativity, we walk in confusion and miss not only God’s goodness but also His direction and clarity. Or, let’s put those together and use the word wisdom.

Direction + clarity = wisdom. Good so far?

Now this:

The wisdom He gives us is related to our level of joy and trust. They go together, but trust drives the bus.

Happy are those who make the Lord their trust,
who do not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after false gods.

— Psalm 40:4

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
he bestows favor and honor.

No good thing does the Lord withhold from those who walk uprightly.

O Lord of hosts, happy is everyone who trusts in you.

— Psalm 84:11-12

The goodness of God is the lay of the land, and we need to know how to read the map. Trust is the key to understanding the legend, knowing which way is north, and recognizing pitfalls.

Happy are those who find wisdom and those who get understanding,
for her income is better than silver and her revenue better than gold.

— Proverbs 3:13-14

Those who are attentive to a matter will prosper,
and happy are those who trust in the Lord.

— Proverbs 16:20

We can surrender anxiety because He is good. Because we can trust Him. Because He is better than all our old lies, excuses, mindsets, bad teachings, bad memories, and internal and external accusations.

I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth.

My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad.

O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together.

— Psalm 34:1-3

Our thoughts and responses to God should be magnifying Him, not minimizing Him. There is a huge religious movement out there that’s all about minimizing Him and making it seem humble and righteous. (Spoiler: It’s not.)

Without trust we walk in fear while deluding ourselves that it’s jaded wisdom. It’s the same fear that buries the talent because we’re afraid to riskafraid to failafraid to be seen as imperfect, afraid to fall because we know we’re not really able to catch ourselves, no matter how much of a front we put up for everyone to see.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.

Look to him, and be radiant, so your faces shall never be ashamed.

— Psalm 34:4-5

We don’t want to be like little kids who really want to go to somewhere but in our restless impatience we make the wait miserable, asking our parents over and over and over if we’re going, when we’re going, why we’re not going yet, and then we sulk in the driveway, kicking rocks until one of them flies into the windshield.

We often delay the answer we want so badly because our distrust is sabotaging the journey.

But when we stop listening to the lies and keep our eyes on who He really is, what He really does, what He’s really said, we know that we can trust His goodness and His timing. He not only meets our every need, but also covers us with peace and joy in the meantime.

This leads us right back to the beginning of Philippians 4, and we linger here:

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.
Let your gentleness be known to everyone.

(It is hard to be gentle when you’re freaked out and striving.)

The Lord is near.

( He is aware, and not indifferent.)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

— Philippians 4:4-7

We linger in these places of trust, knowing He is doing something in us as we wait: The pages we read, the honest conversations we have, the prayers that sometimes aren’t even articulated words so much as they are attention to the living Word who was and is and is to come.

We usually don’t see the immediate effect of these but the transaction of our time invested in faith accrues to our good, and the good of those around us. This, too, is part of trust. We know there is purpose in what He is leading us to do.

So we believe the things unseen, that He working things out for us and in us, and He is able to do what we are so very aware we cannot do on our own. The wild idea began in Him; He knows how to complete it.

And if we forget, He will sit with us until we remember.



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learning languages: a journal of grief, growth, & becoming, part 2

Every week at Grandma’s is different now. She was chattier in December and January; she ate lunch with us sometimes. She knew me, and mostly knew who the kids were.

learning languages: a journal of grief, growth, and becoming, part 2

One week we talked about homeschooling, which she did with her youngest two boys. She watched as the kids kept coming over for me to check their work or answer questions.

“How do you keep it all straight?” she asked.

“I don’t know…how did you?”

“I don’t know.” She almost grinned. “I’m glad I had all I could handle. It was a good thing. It was good for all of us, good learning for all of us.”

It is good to have all we can handle, to be stretched beyond what we think we can do…as long as we don’t give up. As long as we lean on Him. Because in spite of what people say, He will give us more than we can handle, because that’s how we grow. That’s also how, when we do the thing that was too much for us to do on our own, we recognize His grace.

We never accomplish alone, in our own strength, by our own brainpower.

And this is good news because I’ve been feeling very stupid lately while learning Greek. It is a beautiful, aggravating language that fools you with easy words like “párti” for party, and “souper market” for super market, but as soon as your guard is down it smacks you upside the head with i̱lektronikós ypologistí̱s, which is ten syllables just to say “computer.”

I know I’ve made fun of English for being stupid, but at least we have sensible blends, like sl in slow, or br in brown. For the most part, our letters flow in a civilized manner.

But in Greek, you have hard consonants like k and t at the beginning of words like ktizo (“to build”). You have phrases like esy ftiaxneis (“you make”), and you wonder WHAT in the WORLD are you supposed to do with that second word because f and t are together at the beginning of it, and you’ve also got to figure out how to deal with that weird xn in the middle.

Hint: You almost (but not quite) get rid of the “s” sound in the x, so what you’re left with, phonetically spelled, is…

[types, then quickly deletes]

…something you shouldn’t try pronouncing around your kids. Or your grandma, even if she’s Irish.

It’s sort of like learning to play violin: No one should do it until they’re an expert.

But here we are, asked to do so many things before we are experts, before we even have the slightest clue what we are really doing. Instead, we are living in ironic juxtaposition that seems to make no sense.

I do not know how we are keeping it all straight; I actually don’t think we are, at all. I think we have situations like those hard consonants that don’t normally blend, and suddenly they’re holding hands and swing dancing drunkenly together anyway, teaching us whole new sounds we never imagined. Párti.

A friend shared this a while back, and it stuck with me:

source

Can you handle feeling incompetent long enough to attain fluency? This is not just about languages, of course.

It is slow work, this absorbing and distilling and creating. Remember, we are not performing, we are becoming.

For it is precept upon precept, precept upon precept,
line upon line, line upon line,
here a little, there a little.

– Isaiah 28:10

And more good news: God knows what we’re doing and where we’re going, long before we do. He is training us for the journey, making us like Him when we let Him.

He is putting us where He wants us, and preparing us for what’s ahead.


In the Old Testament I’ve made it to Judges, which is sort of the Best and Worst of Bible Stories. I’m currently still toward the beginning where it’s pretty normal, before you get to the what-the-what parts that remind us once again that just because we read about someone in Scripture, it doesn’t mean God wants us to imitate them.

I would, however, love to add t-shirts to our merch page that advertise “Jael’s camping gear”…tents, hammers, gorgeous rugs, mugs of warm milk…I digress.

We do need to talk about Jael though, because she’s a prime example of someone being where you don’t expect them to be, doing what you don’t expect them to do.

We’re in Judges 4, when Deborah, a prophetess, is judging Israel. She was an answer to prayer after twenty years of the Israelites’ sin and oppression, and with her leadership, they were finally ready to stand up to their oppressor: King Jabin of Hazor.

So Deborah summoned Barak and gave him the word from the Lord, telling him how to defeat Sisera, the general of the King Jabin’s army. Barak said he’d only go if Deborah went with him, and she said, Sure, but since you were a pansyyou won’t be able to take out Sisera; the Lord is going to let a woman do it. My paraphrase.

Instructions and strategy follow, and then we get to this odd sentence right in the middle of the action. No segue, no transition, no apparent reason why it’s there at all:

Now Heber the Kenite had separated from the other Kenites, that is, the descendants of Hobab the father-in-law of Moses, and had encamped as far away as Elon-bezaanannim, which is near Kedesh.

– Judges 4:11

And we’re like, Who is this guy, and why do we care? What is he even doing here? But if you know the story, you know where this is going and why that sentence is there.

In our lives though, we usually don’t know the full story. Our strange little sidebars and interruptions seem completely out of place. We often think we are out of place.

So was Heber. Heber the Kenite had moved far away…sounds like the beginning of a limerick by Dr. Suess.

Anyway, after that odd sentence we jump right back into the action again: Sisera knows the Israelites are on the move, so he calls his 900 chariots and they start to move, too, but the Lord is there and He throws Sisera’s army into a panic. Sisera flees on foot while Barak pursues his chariots and army to Sisera’s hometown, Harosheth-ha-goiim, a place that would only be harder to pronounce if it were Greek.

But Sisera flees on foot in a different direction…and we find out why Heber was mentioned earlier.

Now Sisera had fled away on foot to the tent of Jael, wife of Heber the Kenite –

(Ohhhh…but wait, there’s more!)

…for there was peace between King Jabin of Hazor and the clan of Heber the Kenite.

– Judges 4:17

Heber the Kenite had moved far away…because his family was on friendly terms with the king who was oppressing the Israelites. The King that the Lord had sold them into for their disobedience.

The king who was Sisera’s boss.

The Lord put Heber where He wanted him, because…you know this story, right?

Jael, his wife was at home for the day…

Because Heber’s wife had a destiny to introduce the temple of Sisera’s head to the business end of her tent peg.

And now our limerick is complete:

Heber the Kenite had moved far away
Jael, his wife, was at home for the day
Where Sisera had fled
Wanting drink, and a bed
But her hammer made certain he’d stay.

(Thank you, thank you.)

Let’s pause here for a few important questions:

  • Can we handle feeling displaced long enough to defeat the enemy?
  • Are we mature enough to emotionally regulate ourselves, in spite of the enemy’s threat, and in spite of not knowing exactly what we’re doing?
  • Are we going to agree with smallness and shrink back, or are we willing to go and do what He sends us to, when we don’t have the full plan?

We might be where we’re at because we need this practice.


That conversation with Grandma I mentioned earlier was one of our last coherent talks. She has been so far away since then; she can barely hear me, usually doesn’t understand me, and sometimes doesn’t recognize me. She is displaced and none of us like learning this new language.

But I know growth is happening under the surface, in relationships and minds and hearts. God is giving us more than we can handle, and we’re feeling stretched and stupid and humbled as we attain a new kind of fluency.

We are learning why certain things trigger us, why we are withdrawing, and we’re finding new words for feelings we’ve never identified or bothered to articulate before.

Still, it feels like no one should have to do this until they’re an expert. And none of us want to be experts at this.

No one wants to be an expert in grief, displacement, brokenness, or feeling stupid in the things we wish we already understood.

Instead of neglecting your garden in the hope that God will rescue you from this situation and send you somewhere else, go rake your garden. Take care of your garden as if this season was the last season and you want to leave it beautiful for the next family who uses it.

– Katie James, Tetragon Lift

Is this the last season? In so many ways, yes. We do not know how much time we have left in anything, with anyone.

Last week, Grandma gave me a long hug when we were leaving. With her face in my hair, she said, “You be safe going home, now.”

I want that for her, too. We want to steward these days well, however many are left.

What feels too hard will become more familiar. The sounds we don’t know how to make will start rolling off our tongues with a little more practice. We won’t feel stupid in this area forever. (We’ll gain fluency and feel stupid in other areas, instead.)

We cannot keep it all straight, and it is more than we can handle, but we are not handling it on our own. This is where we recognize His grace, and it is good learning for all of us.



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