Category Archives: purpose

dominance: praying revival into a world on fire

Posted on by October 12, 2023

Life has leveled up to a new level of ridiculous. I don’t mean the current events – I mean, they are, but we can talk about that later. What I mean is, there’s a rooster living in our bathroom.

I introduced you to Freckles in the last post. And yes, even inside, he still crows in the morning. Not the first day; he was too injured and didn’t eat or drink for about 36 hours. But the second morning I woke up to crowing at 7:14, approximately twelve feet from my head. The next day it was even earlier, 7:03.

dominance: praying revival into a world on fire

Knightley meowed from the corner of my pillow, and Vin murmured, “Cats to the left of me, roosters to the north…here I am, stuck in the middle with you.”

But this morning was better: Freckles, now acclimated to the late schedule of homeschoolers, waited until after 10am to start crowing. I told you, he’s marvelous.

(Wait, did I mention we also have five quail who’ve been brooding in the same bathroom for six weeks? They need to transition outside but currently their brooder won’t fit through the door because there’s a cage the size of a Prius blocking it from opening all the way.)

So some things have to change. Since we had too many roosters with all the chicks that hatched this summer, we sent two of the lesser-favored ones to (ahem) freezer camp, and in the reshuffling of space and territory, the other young rooster took it upon himself to prove dominance. Freckles got the worst of it; I found him hiding in a nesting box with one eye swollen shut.

And then – because Vin and I clearly still don’t know what we’re doing – instead of removing him that night like we should have done, we handpicked who he should roost with and put him in the coop with the gentlest hens…so we thought. The next morning both of his eyes were swollen shut and his ear was also terribly swollen, because one of them had picked on him overnight.

It’s what chickens do. If someone’s injured, they attack. It’s not exactly Kingdom culture.

That was Saturday, when everything else all over the world escalated. He’s been in our bathroom ever since to recover in safety, with occasional trips the first couple days to the living room for spa treatment (meaning, Vin held him while I swabbed his swollen eyelids with a steamy washcloth and talked to him about his nice complexion) and afternoon excursions during the last couple days to play with the kids in the yard or help the guys change tires because we got our first snow this week.

Our beautiful fall quickly turned to bleak-fall-mixed-with-winter, and we need to figure out what to do about roosters, and quail, and garden pots that need put away. I cannot resolve world events but I can tackle these. So while world leaders strut about a war they helped create to line their own pockets as others pay the ultimate price, I’ve been distracted with the small events in my own territory, watching Freckles make progress as his eyes start to see again.

Is it enough, though? It’s such a small thing in light of so many unknowns and concerns about the future. We can pray deep and wide, but physically I can only reach so far.

And I thought about not sharing any of this at all because people on the internet can be stupid. (Not you, of course. Other people.) Why do you have more than one rooster? You should just get rid of the one who lost the fight. You should do this and this and this…People who don’t bother asking about the size of our flock or other dynamics are happy to throw out all kinds of unhelpful advice and criticism so they can feel like experts. But I’m not here for advice or criticism; I’m just here learning and trying to do the right thing, like most of the rest of us.

(For the record, we have too many hens for one rooster, and I don’t want to eliminate the one who’s nicest to the hens and our family. DUH.)

In the middle of the world threatening to light itself on fire, there’s something visceral and focused about trying to bring healing to one creature, and about not just letting nature take its course but instead being an intentional steward, partnering with God to bring restoration.

Sometimes I am the creature who needs healing, and if I can get the log out of my own eye it makes a huge difference on a wider scale. This right here, where I can touch, is where I do the most important work. When the world is ridiculous, this is where I show it who’s boss: He is, of course.

Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way.

He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way.

– Psalm 25:8-9

So I harvested carrots, and pulled ripe tomatoes from the vines growing in the living room, and spent more time listening – really listening – to my kids than I was inclined to after bedtime. I cleaned the gross area under the sink and prayed for other gross areas to be cleaned from our country.

I read to my kids, and prayed with a stranger at the thrift store, and smiled at people who looked like they were in a hurry, because I’d rather be at home instead of running errands, too.

Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.

– Psalm 37:3

Such tiny things. But I want people to be unable to drive through Wasilla without being touched by the Lord and encountering bold love from His people. This is my territory, the land He’s made me (and many others) steward of. This is the place I can touch and cultivate. This is where we release Kingdom culture, ignite revival, and prove Who is dominant.

This morning we were praying about how creation groans, and how creation sings God’s praises, and how creation bears witness to God. We listened to the same song I sang when I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with Kavanagh, struck with the glory of sober obedience: If creation still obeys You, so will I.

The earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein.

– Psalm 24:1

For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.

– Romans 1:20

And as we prayed, I kept hearing the phrase, “Creation, obey Him!” The enemy is bent on destruction because chaos and ugliness don’t reflect the glory of God or draw people to Him. But beauty, order, and strength do.

So in the midst of chaos, when anything I can do feels so small in comparison to world events, I’m pursuing order and beauty and strength in the areas I can reach. Because things here have to change.

I cannot counsel world leaders who beat war drums, but I can finish the tasks on my own desk. I can ask God to heal the wounded while I tend my rooster. I cannot prepare for all the unknowns, but I can pray for people to encounter God in dreams and visions as I bring order to my own house. I cannot root out evil networks, but I can ask God to invade hardened hearts as I wipe the counters and run another load of laundry and pray for those driving up and down the highway.

People are trying to light the world on fire, but what if the fire they get is revival, instead?

The globalists and the terrorists – but I repeat myself – think they dominate but they haven’t seen real power yet. They have no idea what comes of the prayers of those who have favor with the King who turns evil on its head: Communities saved. Culture redeemed. Workers of evil brought into the Kingdom of light.

What if we prayed that way, and the Lord confronted the perpetrators with the blinding light of a Damascus road experience? Because He does.

What if we prayed for those who are fleeing and despairing, and Jesus showed them He is the God who sees? Because He is.

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.

— 2 Peter 3:9

For the evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land. In just a little while, the wicked will be no more; though you look carefully at his place, he will not be there. But the meek shall inherit the land and delight themselves in abundant peace.

– Psalm 37:9-11

It’s another season of sober obedience; our hearts might get hurt in this. But that’s the case in parenting, forgiving, writing, reaching out to others, being a friend, or trying to learn anything new. We might get hurt. None of this is safe or guaranteed.

But letting nature take its course and resigning to not doing anything is an insult to the One who gave everything, even when He knew it would hurt. He hasn’t called us to bury our talents and do the safe or easy thing. He’s called us to level up, even if it looks ridiculous.

He hasn’t called us to act like chickens, but to be saints, a royal priesthood.

 But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.

— 1 Peter 2:9

It might bring the eucatastrophe we didn’t know we could hope for. We can pray for revival in the face of all the threats and posturing, and watch a quiet uprising that lights the world with a different kind of fire – the kind that burns but does not consume.

We pray rockets of revival and repentance into hearts everywhere, starting with our own. And the whole world will be changed, and we never saw it coming.

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P.S. Links for you!

  • How do we walk in God’s presence, and rest in God, and also be His resting place? What is He calling us to be, and how do we succeed? This is a life-changing teaching from Hayley Braun; her message starts around 1 hour 55 minute mark.
  • Incredible podcast here on hearing God, imagining with Him, and spiritually occupying the land the Lord has put before us, with Lana Vawser and Courtney Kueck.
  • Did you see my guest post at Raising Arrows? It’s on post-adoption depression which I absolutely did NOT want to write about, especially after writing a whole book on it…but we can do hard things. So I did. It’s a super vulnerable post and I hope it blesses you.
  • We just started A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens this week in Gaining Ground. I’d love to have you join us! Don’t be intimidated by Dickens; he’s wonderful and we’re tackling just 35-40 pages a week.

beautiful mess: when our colors start changing

Posted on by September 30, 2023

I was afraid they would take over our living room, but so far it’s been okay.

About a hundred tomatoes are growing in two pots next to the couch (and a hundred more in two other pots that are growing in the basement) because the nights started getting too cold to leave them out there but they were still too small to harvest, just tiny green clusters that looked like grapes. So we pushed them up against the window where they could get twelve hours of daylight in the safety of a frost-free environment.

beautiful mess: when our colors start changing

I was also afraid that bugs would crawl out of the pots and start emerging everywhere, but so far there’s just been one little spider who built an ambitious web among the branches. For a while I let him, thinking that if there was a fruit fly problem, he would help mitigate it. But then he got presumptuous and expanded his architecture into a grand multi-dimensional Taj Ma-spiderweb that made me nervous, so I gave him an eviction notice and dusted him out of there so I could reach the growing tomatoes.

Because lo and behold, it’s working; they are changing colors. We are growing ripe tomatoes in our house. YAY. Almost a dozen are ready to be picked, and all I need now is some feta.

Fall is magical and idyllic: the colors, the sunlight, the new books, the new ambitions. Cham’s in the library rocking chair and Kav’s on the floor nearby, both reading. I’m almost done with Anne of Green Gables (which is perfect for fall) and all of Anne’s studies and concerts and recitations make me daydream about homeschool co-ops and reading groups.

Several packages of books came in the mail this week – some for the new school year, and others of our own to replenish inventory – and I’m listening to a teaching in my office while I reshelve everything. The speaker starts interceding for different cities and suddenly I don’t know why but I’m crying – and why am I crying so much lately? I’ve never been a crier, but God is changing my colors here, too, because it’s happening more and more during worship…and He’s teaching me that worship looks like a lot of different things, and most of them aren’t related to music or singing.

I know I’m rambling a little, but this is what fall is: Oh, look at that tree, and that tree, and that one. Look at all the things that are demanding our attention in new ways, all because their colors are changing.

Why do we buy, or borrow, or read all the books? Because we want something inside them to change something inside of us. We know we need our colors to change, too.

We don’t usually mind changing as long as we’re in charge of the process, or it’s gentle enough that we barely notice. But the change we most often need requires our surrender, and that’s when we dig our heels in.

A few years ago we finally made a lot of big changes after months (years) of prayer – we shed some friends, a church, a couple social media accounts – and life has been adjusting with new colors ever since. And in this season, more colors keep changing: Kids keep coming and going, another one is probably moving out next spring, two others need to transition into guardianship…and that’s one of those things where in some ways nothing changes, but in other ways, everything changes. The new colors don’t make sense and we have no idea what they’ll really look like.

Outside, most of the leaves are still hanging on tightly to branches and this is probably the last perfect week of fall before they all let go. We still have a few sunflowers and poppies blooming, and I keep checking to see if any of the ones that bloomed earliest are ready to harvest for seeds yet, but no, they’re still not, even though their petals have been gone for months. They went from enchanting violets and lavenders and crimsons whose bold petals stretched outward in every direction to these compact, reclusive green pods, and nothing to show for the change in color.

Sometimes we go through this process, too, and we wonder what God is doing with us. I used to feel so vibrant and free, and now I don’t know what I’m doing. Am I still the same person, even? Why do I feel less instead of more?

External changes are hard enough, but personal change — like when you know God is calling you higher, closer, humbler, or bolder – is a whole other process of molting and metamorphosis. But who we are hasn’t really changed; we’re just becoming more us as we become more like Him…and still, sometimes we dig in our heels, not sure if we should cooperate. Not sure how it will turn out. Not sure what we’ll have to give up, or what we’ll have to pay.

And sometimes shame and pride come in, and we dig our heels in here, too. I know this isn’t working, but I don’t want to change because that means admitting I’ve been wrong. If I change, people will see the difference between who I’ve been and who I’ve needed to be, and the space between feels embarrassing…so I’d rather just stay here.

To make it harder, some people walk in feigned maturity and make it awkward or difficult for everyone else to grow. I’m talking about the ones who drag us back in shame to our past, or speak dread over our future, and say things like, “Oh, just wait till ______ happens [insert story of martyrdom that demands your reverence to boost the speaker’s ego]. You’ll think differently then.”

These ones did not truly mature past the level they brag about, but stalled out when their insecurities outweighed their surrender. I have a theory that these are the same people who complain about all their responsibilities and never having any free time from the comfort of their easy chair while watching TV in the evenings. (They probably shouldn’t say those things to homeschooling moms who are balancing the phone on one ear while checking math assignments, washing eggs, and stirring dinner on the stove.)

There’s no shame in changing colors and turning in the right direction. Maturity requires humility. Sanctification means we are constantly a work in progress, and it’s okay to be a beautiful mess.

Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching. Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress.

– 1 Timothy 4:12-15

The only ones who lord it over us are the ones who refused, staying in the old phases, clinging to their old colors and baby fuzz, convincing themselves that to be perpetually in one’s twenties (or thirties, or whatever) is the ideal of happiness because it means there was never anything in them that needed improved upon. And this is why there are so many middle-aged and elderly narcissists (who, ironically, raised younger generations of narcissists, too).

The prodigal wonders, If I change now, will I be ashamed and embarrassed later of who I was, when who I am now becomes who I used to be?

– Oh My Soul

But what an amazing, holy, beautiful thing it is to allow God to change your color. We’re afraid it will take over our safe spaces…and it will. But it’ll be okay. The Lord is a strong tower; we can run to Him and be safe.

We have all these spring chicks who are almost adults now, and none of them resemble what they looked like before their feathers came in. They lost stripes, added speckles, and changed colors all over. Watching them over the summer has been a constant process of re-acquaintance as they’ve changed so fast – Oh, it’s you, Freckles. Last week you were brown with stripes, and now you are fifteen shades of chestnut, copper, and mahogany, with a gorgeous green tail that looks…suspiciously… like a rooster’s.

It turns out he is a rooster, but he’s my favorite and we’re keeping him, so there. He’s ginormous and still growing.

And those tight-fisted green pods of poppies are each growing hundreds of seeds that will reproduce themselves next year. They’ll let go, soon, too – I’ll know when I can see little windows open up at the tops of them that let the wind blow through.

One flower’s worth of lavender or crimson or violet will bear a field’s worth of color. They aren’t dying; we’re not dying. We are reproducing, replicating, propagating, spreading His colors into fields we could never reach now, far into the years ahead.

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do hard things: the Kingdom’s response to ease & apathy

Posted on by October 5, 2023

A few weeks ago in our prayer meeting, an elderly friend quietly said, “The Lord likes bravery, and our willingness to do hard, new things.”

I think she’s right. And we can do hard things. But often, we’d rather not.

do hard things: the Kingdom's response to ease and apathy

For example, raising poultry is a lot harder than just buying eggs at the store once a week. It’s not convenient, but it is ideal, because once you know what goes into your supermarket eggs and meat and how the food supply has been repeatedly attacked in the last few years, you’ll have the motivation to do hard things. (Or at least to start looking for a local egg source.)

But it’s easier not to know, and that’s what we often opt for. Learning is pretty dangerous because it makes us uncomfortable and nudges us toward action we’d rather not participate in.

And we can’t learn everything at once – this is a long journey we’re on, and I’m nowhere close to arriving – but every year we’re learning to do things differently to align more with the values we claim to believe in.

Such as, slavery is wrong. No brainer, right? But when was the last time you (or hey, your church) bought something that was substantially cheaper than the alternative because you didn’t want to pay more? When two almost identical items vary that much in price, it’s usually because one of them was made by someone who didn’t get paid for their labor. If I had a dollar for every time in the last twenty years my kids received slave-made trinkets from their classes at church, I’d have enough money to adopt three more kids.

People need to know. There’s so much we need to know.

We need to know Who we’re dealing with and how He loves us, and how to handle others with care. Those are the basics. But also, we need to know that we can do hard things – because if we’re not willing to do hard things, our basics go nowhere.

And this right here is where the rubber meets the road in the Kingdom: It’s not enough say we value Biblical beliefs if we’re still actually living as our own god and worshipping ease.

It’s a lesson I thought I already knew eleven years ago, until I realized I didn’t. We thought we knew what “hard” was: We had four kids and parenting was hard, we’d been married for 15 years and some of those years were hard. The process of adoption – with all of its paperwork and training and fundraising – was hard.

But is it easier now? Yes.

And also, no.

Sailing a boat across stormy waters is one kind of hard. But stepping out of it and trusting the Lord to defy gravity and hold you on top of it is a whole other thing.

So “hard” is relative, and it’s not what’s really important. What the Lord is looking for is our willingness to go to the next level, to surrender and trust Him in a new way, to obey Him in something that requires His intervention and not just our own ability.

Will we mess up? Will we make mistakes? Absolutely, no doubt. But is the Lord unaware of our imperfections and efforts when He calls us? Nope. He knows and is not surprised; He’s not afraid of us making Him look bad. And if we’re honest, we’re not afraid of that, either. We’re afraid we’ll make ourselves look bad.

When Peter risked the ocean, he didn’t care what the guys in the boat thought; His connection with Jesus is what both compelled and allowed him to walk on water. But when Jesus becomes less important than anything or anyone else, we make mistakes and lose our focus, and this is when we start to sink. Ask me how I know.

If we only know Jesus as our savior but not also as our Lord, we won’t step out of the boat. And maybe that’s a good thing because we can’t survive the water without Him.

Are we willing to go to the next level and obey Him in whatever hard thing He’s calling us to next? Will we surrender our spending habits and lifestyles? Will we let go of our insecurities and ignorance-is-bliss mentality?

But if I _____ (shop elsewhere, adopt a child, quit my job, research that issue, stop living with my boyfriend, quit that habit, homeschool my kids, change my business, have that hard conversation, let go of unforgiveness, whatever) I don’t know what will happen. I don’t have the money. What will people think of me?

The Lord is trying to bring us out of our old confinements and inabilities into a broader space where we live surrendered to Him. It’s a place where we’re bound by love, and therefore, free.

He tried to do it with the Israelites, and when discomfort hit, they dug in their heels just like we do:

And why have you made us come up out of Egypt to bring us to this evil place? It is no place for grain or figs or vines or pomegranates, and there is no water to drink.

– Numbers 20:5

There is no Starbucks, no Walmart, no cheap poison from McDonalds.

Absolute trust in His love for us is the most critical choice we make, because life doesn’t always make sense. We forfeit control outside the comfort zone where everything operates by a different set of rules. And that supernatural trust is a secure place – Jesus is our security and stability outside the comfort zone, on the water – but the minute we look back to the boat (or the bank account, or the old habits, or anything else) for security, we expose ourselves to sinking.

But we were made to risk the ocean, and walk on water.

It’s not enough to just be on the right side. The conservative patriot who winks at porn is just as compromised as the liberal who advocates for abortion, regardless of whether or not they attend church every Sunday. The one who considers themselves a great warrior or influencer in these days while living in impurity has nothing on the person who lives in quiet, bold alignment with the Spirit, listening and interceding, confident and unassuming in the dunamis the Holy Spirit offers.

When you’re living fully surrendered, the “normal Christians” around you will wonder at your life just as much as those who don’t know Jesus.

Maybe our family wasn’t wrong. Maybe families are supposed to take on huge challenges and come to the end of themselves and learn to trust God for radical healing and restoration. Maybe that’s what’s supposed to be normal, rather than the comfortable, spacious lifestyle that lets us be the center of our own universe.

– Risk the Ocean: An Adoptive Mom’s Memoir on Sinking and Sanctification

Living in surrender means we no longer default to convenience. We surrender to living inconveniently because that means living in power, because our bodies are a temple, because our money and time and talents are His, and we’re stewards of the King. Our lives are lived to build the Kingdom, not the enemy’s platform. This is our spiritual act of worship.

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

– Romans 12:1-2

We talk about expanding the Kingdom, but if we live to pad our comfort zone – shunning the inconvenient and ignoring the uncomfortable and refusing His sanctifying work in us – we’re merely inoculating others from the Kingdom rather than bringing them into it.

The next generation inherits what the first generation backed out of. They will inherit the promise, but they will also have to fight the battles that should have already been won by the previous generation that neglected to walk in the promise.

So let’s not back out of this.

Kingdom Culture ought to be standard Christianity. Radical surrender, service, healings, joy, peace, and exploits ought to be our norm, not the extreme fringe.

Will we turn down a life fit for glossy magazine pages in favor of a life of transparency? What if we traded our shiny packaging for rough brown paper, tied with grace?

– Risk the Ocean

There’s room for each of us to grow, and Jesus knows our weakness and our desire to do better. Like with Peter, He asks us, Why did you doubt? Don’t you know that I’ve got this? Don’t you know that I’ve got you?

Surrender prevents our sinking. He meets us in mercy, reaching out to us, and holding our hands as we walk back to the boat together.

______

If you’d like to read my story of sinking and sanctification, Risk the Ocean is now available. You can buy it directly from us, or find it on Amazon, or get it anywhere books are sold.

Here are part one and part two of this series.

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