the letters go everywhere

the letters go everywhere (Copperlight Wood)

Chamberlain is learning to write. I can’t express to you the joy I feel in watching little lines waver on paper to become faintly recognizable in these early efforts.

She is on the barstool on one side of the counter while I am doing dishes on the other side in the kitchen, and her handwriting book is laid out in front of her. She asks me how to spell her name and I slowly recite it for her while Sophie chews the alphabet magnets off the fridge (she’s a little quirky like that), sending letters everywhere.

the letters go everywhere (Copperlight Wood)

She holds up her work to show me, and her letters are everywhere, too, all over the page. She has taken the creative interpretation approach to writing, completely disregarding the guide line after the word NAME that was intended to buoy it. By sounding the letters out from left to right in order of nearest proximity, her cheerfully printed name reads…

CHMABERNAIL.

Not too shabby for a four year old with eleven letters in her first name.

Over at the table, Afton’s been testing his accuracy in simple addition, and he brings me his practice sheet to be checked. I scan it quickly while picking up letter magnets that Sophie has strewn all over the floor, and everything looks good except for one problem at the bottom.

“What does this say? Three plus six equals…backwards P?”

He grins. “It’s a nine…” He knows that I know that. He also knows that I know he can write it better.

I think I have these two, and their older two siblings, figured out. We work through tweaking every year to fit different needs, but overall I know what to expect and how they should be doing in any given area.

the letters go everywhere (Copperlight Wood)

But Andrey and Reagan? Those guys are moving targets. They’re nearly impossible to assess using any inside-the-box strategy.

They know most letters, they know some numbers, and they know colors. They know many of the things on a preschool-kindergarten checklist…until you ask them.

I point to an L and put on a huge smile, because learning letters is exciting! “Andrey, do you know what that is?”

Andrey looks, shakes his head, and puts on his best pity-party frown. “I dunno.”

He might be telling the truth, except for the fact that the last two weeks have been brought to us by the letter L and we’ve had it on the wall since September.

Well, fine. Next kid: “Reagan, what’s this?”

I know she knows it. She knows all of the letters frontwards and backwards, only occasionally stumbling over an obscure Q or W. But she just saw what Andrey did, and she’s going to try it, too.

Blank stare. “I dunno.”

In a heroic effort, I refrain from violently and repeatedly slamming my head into the nearest wall…and instead quietly move on to Chamberlain. They don’t know it, but I’m not teaching letters anymore.

“Cham, what’s this?”

“An L.” Duh, Mom.

“Great job! Hey…which sticker do you want?” Because learning letters is exciting!!

The I Dunno’s blank expressions quickly change. That was not the reaction they were expecting – learned helplessness is usually met with extra attention, not indifference. But one of them is learning that those coveted stickers come to those who are honest…and the other is learning to follow a better example.

It feels like a win for today, but it never feels like enough. Reagan will be eight soon, and I know she is capable of so much more. Some days it seems like we are getting the loose ends tied together only to have them cut apart with scissors the next time we go out in public.

They should be learning shapes. We should paint more often. I should read more intentionally to them. I should teach them more about animals. I should email that person about the occupational therapist they mentioned. I should go to sleep before 2 am.

Those letters – the ones that spell should – go everywhere.

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Sophie has pulled the magnets and artwork off the fridge again and I rearrange the papers higher. I am thinking about what I should be doing better. I know that in my own way, I make backwards Ps that are supposed to be nines, also. 

Between cooking and bathing and laundry and cleaning, it never feels like it’s enough.  The day is spent in knitting little hearts together and by bedtime everything feels unraveled. Mama feels frayed and frazzled. I feel like I am chasing legos and if I don’t focus, my letters go everywhere and make no sense at all. 

Just feed them and love them, He says. They are learning and healing in that.

It is enough.

When you feel like it’s not, that’s only because you are completely disregarding the guideline that was intended to buoy you. Each day is an enduring triumph, accomplishing My purpose.  

The work of your day is everlasting, steadfastly working out the purpose I’ve set out for it. It’s not fraying, unraveling tomorrow, like dishes that will need to be washed again after the next meal.

I know you’re learning. Your letters go everywhere because you are actually trying. I’m watching your efforts with joy…the same way you watch Chamberlain.

I can’t express to you the joy I feel in watching little lines waver on paper to become faintly recognizable in these early efforts.

 

wait and listen from Copperlight Wood

 *This is day eighteen of the Wait and Listen series. The other posts are here.

anytime, anyplace

Well. 31 Dayers, we have made it to the halfway point and suruved.

I mean, surveeved.

I mean, survived. Bother.

I’m really looking forward to sleeping in November. I was talking to God about it.

Me: This is hard. Why did we pick this topic, anyway?

Him: Because you needed it, and I like talking to you. Anytime, anyplace.

And I love hearing Him…but in our discussion, I confess that I may have mentioned that for next year, I’d like to do a series on 31 Days of Napping.

Or 31 Days of Tea and Coffee. Or – ooh, ooh! I know! 31 Days of Browsing Pinterest While Eating Ice Cream By The Fire And Getting A Footrub. That would be awesome.

But that’s a year away. This year, He’s been teaching me to listen to Him wherever, whenever.

And yet, tonight I want a little mid-series break. An intermission of sorts…so Vin helped me with this post.

anytime, anyplace: hearing God whenever, wherever (Copperlight Wood)

Because waiting and listening isn’t the only thing you can do anytime, anyplace.

Vince wrote this riddle for me a while back, just for fun – I think he had been compiling it for some time. And he is a rascal, but don’t be alarmed; it’s completely G-rated, of course.

So, enjoy. The answer is in the postscript.

She started doing it when she was twenty-three.

It took her awhile to get the hang of it, but now she is highly skilled at it.

She can do it while sleeping, or while having coffee with friends.

She’s done it in the front seat, and the backseat.

She’s done it on the back porch.

She’s done it before, during, and after church services.

She’s done in the cargo hold of a C-130.

She’s done it at the San Diego Zoo, and while stuck in traffic on the 405.

She’s done it in a rural cabin in the woods.

She’s done it under the wing of an F-15.

She’s done it Los Angeles, Ventura, and Seattle.

She’s done it in restaurants to the shock of young servers.

She’s done it in a Saturn, a mini-van, in rented cars, and in her beloved Jeep.

She’s done it tents, on park benches, on airplanes, in lawn chairs, and on picnic blankets.

She’s done it at the doctor’s office.

She’s done it in a parking garage in the L.A. ghetto.

She’s done it while praying on the sidewalk in front of Planned Parenthood.

She prefers to do it in Alaska.

She hasn’t done it since she was thirty-four.

She’s done it literally thousands of times.

She’s instructed others on how to do it better.

At times she’s agonized through it.

At other times, it’s filled her heart with joy.

She’s never regretted doing it, and it’s made her life better in ways that few could understand.

What is it?

Just think of all the crazy places you can wait and listen.

He longs to stretch our tent pegs and increase our capacity, and I’m feeling that growth and stretching as I write almost a year’s worth of posts in just one month. I’d love to hear some of the wild places you’re learning to hear His voice and how He’s stretching you, too.

P.S. The answer is…nursing a baby. And they’re all true. :)

wait and listen from Copperlight Wood

*This is day sixteen of the Wait and Listen series. The other posts are here.

more than numbers

Four apartments. Three homes. Five pregnancies. Two adoptions. Three cats. Two dogs.

It doesn’t add up to 16 years. And if I think too hard about some of the things we’ve walked through while admitting that we’re still at the beginning of this gig, I have to direct myself back to the last several posts on fear and practice my “aim and fire” strategy all over again.

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The kids are in bed and the man is driving out to pick up pizza for our anniversary dinner date night, and I have just a few minutes to write, to sneak this in before he gets back.

And I sit here, and my words are so inadequate.

I can only breathe Thank You for this man who loves me, who takes care of me, who puts up with all sorts of nonsense and shenanigans (Shannon-igans?) and still manages to convince me that he really thinks he’s the one who totally lucked out.

(And yes, he does all his own stunts, just like his shirt says)

more than numbers (Copperlight Wood)

So, Thank You. Why would You do this for me? Beyond all I can ask for and imagine, I never deserved this.

And He says, I know. It’s not about what you deserve. It’s about what you need, and who you needed.

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I chose him to be the one to show you My hands and feet. I chose him to be the one to walk you through healing and growth and adventure. I chose him to be your partner in the joy and the mess, in the clean up operation, in the mission, in the ministry, in everything I’ve called you to.

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Haven’t you noticed, Love? I rarely give you what you deserve. That’s what grace is.

wait and listen from Copperlight Wood

*This is day fifteen of the Wait and Listen series. The other posts are here.