Category Archives: marriage

avoidance: the cost of drag, & how we defeat it

Posted on by June 12, 2026

Before we worked from home together, Vin commuted to Anchorage and was gone about 60 hours a week. For most of those years he drove a small pickup. It’s Alaska; everyone has a pickup here.

Handy things they are, except for when it comes to highway mileage. A pickup has a tailgate and a bed, and unless you have a canopy or cover on it – we didn’t – you get drag.

avoidance: the cost of drag, and how we defeat it | Shannon Guerra at Copperlight Wood

Resistance. Opposition to forward motion. You spend more gas trying to get where you’re going just because that truck bed and tailgate are cupping the wind at highway speed.

For years, people told us we should get a commuter car. We knew we should, too, but buying a new vehicle and selling an old one is a pain. Those were desperate days, too much going on, who needs one more thing to do?

So we avoided the change and stuck with the little pickup until January of 2014, when Vin rolled it on the highway during a snowstorm, totaling it.

Then we had no choice: A commuter car it was. And you know what we started saving in gas?

Five hundred dollars a month.

We knew it would make a difference, but we had no idea it was costing us that much. What could we have done with an extra $6000 a year, for those six years?

What else is our avoidance (stubbornness, laziness, resistance, denial, or any other drag) costing us?

Here’s the big question that might save you a ton of time, money, emotional investment, and other resources:

What am I ignoring or putting off that will actually be for my overwhelming good?

Sometimes lost things are found when we let go.

Our days are no longer desperate like they were then. Or, maybe they are, but in different ways: The kids are calmer, but our scope is broader, there’s no steady paycheck, and our schedule is often out the window because our work is way different and almost always changing.

I’m still a writer, but I’m only at the desk one or two days a week lately. It feels weird. And what’s weirder is even with such limited time, I have days when I don’t want to write.

Those days make me wonder if I still am who I was, or if I lost something. Did I drop my calling? Why is it so hard to shift back and forth sometimes? Am I walking in neglect or disobedience? Or am I just tired? (Stupid question. Don’t answer that.)

A single day of feeling supremely off kilter can make me wonder all those things, because I am fragile and human.

That’s the wrong kind of wonder to have. It’s drag, and it’s far more expensive than commuting to Anchorage in a little pickup, because if not caught it leads to brooding, which in turn often leads to all sorts of leading questions and bad conclusions.

The cost is high because it’s our identity and vision at stake.

So here, too, is where we ask: What am I ignoring or putting off that will actually be for my overwhelming good?

And in this case, the answer (for me, at least) is pretty much the same every time: Abiding. 1

If I were abiding in this situation, I wouldn’t be doing the wrong kind of wondering. I wouldn’t be questioning my calling or ability, wondering if I lost it or if it was just a long season that’s over.

I’d have real answers, instead. I’d have peace and grace for the day, instead of anxiety and discouragement.

When I finally confront the issue head on, rather than avoiding it for days on end, striving and struggling needlessly in angst, it takes a whopping five seconds of concentrated abiding to realize what’s going on.

Be honest, Shannon. Ask the question. Put it into words and confess it.

So I do, and it’s another finally-suddenly moment, because that’s when I hear the answer.

You haven’t dropped or lost or neglected anything, Love. But you are not always meant to tell and translate. You also need to soak and receive.

Oh. Duh. Well, that sounds so obvious.

But I’ve gotten so used to the feeling of pressure that I didn’t even recognize it. This happens with all sorts of mindsets, and they become like refrigerator noise in the background of our lives that we don’t even hear anymore.

So listen: What is the noise you’ve been ignoring, or that you’ve gotten used to? We can’t deal with it until we identify it.

When I let go of the pressure to write, that’s often when a torrent of words rush out. Onto the screen, in my phone memo, on any scrap of paper I can find.

Like I said earlier, sometimes lost things are found when we let go.

Oh, that’s where I am. That’s the me that thrives the way You made me to – because I finally looked for where You are in this. I missed the forest for the trees, but You were here all along.

To be fair to myself and honest with you, I can abide in all sorts of things while avoiding the main issue I really need to talk to the Lord about.

I think it’s a common ploy of intercessors; we can procrastinate and distract ourselves by praying for a million other things, and still feel pretty good about our abiding. A friend of ours who led worship for years said it’s the same on that side of the coin, too: If he didn’t want to deal with something, he would worship, instead.

Isn’t it funny how we can use righteous things to avoid becoming more righteous?

And isn’t God gracious to still meet us in our avoidance, and wait for our honesty? Even our ability to face things is grace from Him.

It would be nice to have more grace and peace, though, and get back on track faster.

May grace and peace be yours in abundance in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.

– 2 Peter 1:2

We tend to overuse and gloss over those terms. What do they really mean in the messy situations we’re dealing with?

Grace and peace look like solutions, resolution, revelation, and certainty. They look like security in our identity, steadiness in our calling, and boldness in our obedience.

May those things be yours and mine in abundance. And may we cooperate with receiving them, because God’s generally not going to force them on us while we’re ignoring the issue He wants to address.

To defeat the drag and make forward progress, we’ll need to sell the truck, make the move, call the person, spend the money, ask the question, admit our weakness, acknowledge the problem, confess the sin, set the boundary, etcetera, etcetera. It could be anything. It’s probably on your mind as you’re reading this.

Anyway, whatever it is, if we’re not willing to do it because we’d rather feel the drag against our tailgate (ahem), then He’s generally not going to force that particular answer upon us.

Good news, though: He’s made us for the answer. He knows how weak, exhausted, angry, wounded, confused, overwhelmed, or whatever we are that seems like it’s holding us back.

Seriously, He knows how whatever you are. And He did all the heavy lifting to make us like Him:

His divine power has given us everything needed for life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and excellence.

Thus he has given us, through these things, his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may escape from the corruption that is in the world because of lust and may become participants of the divine nature.

– 2 Peter 1:3-4

You and I cannot participate in the divine nature if we neglect to abide. Abiding is the participation: This is how we know, hear, act, and become more like Him.

It’s how Peter, who wrote those words, went from being an impulsive loudmouth you probably wouldn’t want speaking at your funeral to becoming an older and wiser heavyweight who could handle the spotlight. Both versions were forces to be reckoned with, but only one was fully surrendered and thus able to lead others in that same transformation.

So we don’t want to waste gas, too focused on the problem to do anything to actually solve it.

If we’re putting off abiding – or any other prompting of the Holy Spirit – we’re not changing anything for the better.

Such a bummer. I’m so sorry.

What can we do, then?

First, if this rings a bell, we need to acknowledge our avoidance and confess it. It’s not a huge, drawn out thing. It’s a reality check, and it’s instant: “Yep, I’ve been doing that.”

Then there are several things we can do. But to work smarter and not harder, the best first thing is to ask God: What do I need to do now? And then do it.

I know, the best time to do it would’ve been a long time ago. But the next best time is now.

And one more question to ask Him: How do You want me to see this situation? Because we want to see it the way He does. He’s not discouraged or dismayed over this. He’s not overwhelmed, overwrought, or doing the wrong kind of wondering.

When we’re looking at Him and seeing things the way He does, we see possibilities instead of limits. We stop partnering with fear, agreeing with the enemy, making blanket statements and accusations and assumptions. We stop doing the things that make it worse, and start doing the things that make it better.

Bemoaning that the enemy is winning in different areas or how we feel like we are losing in other areas is a poor strategy for defeating him. It’s a total drag, wasting our resources.

But quick cooperation with His promptings brings momentum. Obedience to God is spiritual warfare. And this is how we win.

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P.S. We’ve had a big change at our house, and we’ve also got a big prayer and provision need. Here’s our monthly update.

P.P.S. Our pastor gave a great message here that relates to this topic (starts at 1:09). Bonus: Vin is in a couple of dangerous aggressive super awkward sermon illustrations. 😅

  1. Often for me, writing IS abiding. Journaling, praying, all the thoughts going on paper or screen…I’m talking to and with Him more than anyone else. But after years of writing as vocation and ministry, writing is also work, and there’s the struggle. Maybe there’s a post on that coming soon. ↩︎

context: the riches are found when we stop skimming the surface

Posted on by May 21, 2026
context: the riches are found when we stop skimming the surface

For years now I’ve shared a small section of my personal Bible reading with a photo, because God’s word is for every day, all parts of our days and lives.

Everyday photos: dishes, mountains, cats, crochet. Sometimes blurry, imperfect photos. Because our days are sometimes blurry and imperfect, and the Word still applies to them.

Due to space restraints and the fleeting attention span of the average scroller, I usually only post a few verses that can be basically understood without a ton of other context.

Here’s what I said about it a while back:

These verses are only a small drop in the bucket. If we profess to know Jesus, the Living Word, we need to know the written word…the whole thing.

And if we don’t know the written word in context, we don’t know it at all.

I heard this from a conference a few months ago and it astounded me:

We did a show of hands a few years back at a pastor’s conference – not one of ours, but another ministry – and we asked the pastors, “How many of you have read the whole Bible?”

Only 40% of the crowd had read the whole Bible. This was in America, in Southern Cal, Orange County.

One of the pastors said, “Well, I’m not dealing with theology, I’m dealing with people’s issues.”

And I’m like, “Well, that’s why your people have so many issues.”

– Michael Kulianos

At a pastor’s conference, only 40% of the crowd of pastors had actually read the entire Bible.

WHAT.

The other 60% are those who presume to teach the Bible without actually having fully read it themselves.

This explains a lot of our modern church culture, hmm?

Even regarding the 40% of pastors who had read the whole Bible, we have to ask…have they only read it once, and then checked it off the list? I mean, if 60% hadn’t even read it all the way through, how many of those who had read the Bible…actually read it daily? You know, reeeead it, as in, they study and examine it, and keep pursuing truth?

Instead of growing deep and wide, diving in and exploring broadly, many of us are standing at the shoreline just skipping rocks while thinking we know what’s in the water.

We have a Christian culture disastrously low in Biblical literacy and woefully high in presumption.1 Or, to put it another way, we have churches full of armchair quarterbacks who’ve hardly read the playbook while claiming to be expert enough to teach others about it from the pulpit and elsewhere.

Who is wise and knowledgeable among you? Show by your good life that your works are done with gentleness born of wisdom.

But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not be arrogant and lie about the truth.

This is not wisdom that comes down from above but is earthly, unspiritual, devilish.

– James 3:13-15

Let’s talk about Biblical literacy.

Biblical literacy is not just reading and checking off chapters and getting all the way through, cover to cover.

Biblical literacy means understanding context and language, which includes history and grammar. If you didn’t like those in school, sorry, but they’re necessary if you want to understand scripture rather than making a quick surface application of some random verse in Bible Roulette.

In full disclosure, I grew up on Bible Roulette as a kid, and I don’t know that any church leader was necessarily to blame for this. And later when I started reading the Bible on a daily basis, I definitely read it to check it off more than anything else. It was better than nothing in the begging. Not great, of course, but at least it helped me start to gain a familiarity with the overall picture and timeline of the Old and New Testaments.

But I wasted years just checking off readings. Probably the first ten(ish) times I read it all the way through were more about checking off than digging in (also yes, I can be a slow learner).2

So even in reading it over and over and over, we can easily miss the point. I sure did.

[On a related note, in those days I was under the impression that I hated history because I had hated history classes in school. Then I married a history nerd. That history nerd was not great at grammar and he could misspell words with such creativity that he confounded spellcheck…and he, of course, married me.

God is hilarious and stubbornly redemptive.

It turns out, I don’t hate history. And Vince became a writer.]

Reading only a few verses a day that are taken out of context (whether they are my social media posts, or some influencer’s Instagram post, or two minutes of Bible Roulette, or whatever) is probably worse than reading nothing at all.

Is that shocking? It’s counter to what we’ve been told all along: “If all you can read is a few verses a day, just do that.”

But no, don’t do that. I mean, do that if you have to on certain days, but don’t make it your daily practice and then call it “Bible reading” or “Bible study.”

I have been the mom with seven or eight kids and zero time to go to the bathroom, much less ten minutes to sit on the couch and have quiet time that looks like something you’d see on Pinterest. I’m not arguing against the bits and pieces, here and there, whenever you finally get a free few minutes to breathe.

I’m arguing against the false sense of security and accomplishment achieved by the routine reading of a random few verses here and there, not digging any deeper into their actual application or context, and then moving about our business as though we’ve actually attained some mystical experience and understanding that we don’t actually possess.

That’s what’s not okay.

As a result of this, we have leaders, teachers, pastors, everyday people spouting things that don’t even exist in the Bible but claiming it does because they saw something like it in there somewhere but failed to actually delve into the context to understand the full truth of it.

Or, what’s more common, they assume a thing — “headship” is a good example — and then read it into the Bible because it fits their worldview or what they’ve always been taught, and then create doctrine out of it rather than understanding what those passages actually refer to and investigating whether their concept of it is even in the Scriptures. (Spoiler alert: It’s not.3)

This leads to divisions, arguments, pomposity, stubborn digging in of heels, the diminishing of the gospel, and all kinds of nonsense.

Now I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you be in agreement and that there be no divisions among you but that you be knit together in the same mind and the same purpose.

– 1 Corinthians 1:10

Why does the New Testament talk so much about false teachers? Because they were dealing with them at the time of the writing. And also, because God knew we would be dealing with them, too.

So many have not learned, and then in their lack of learning they have taught others.

But here’s the thing: False teachers aren’t those who teach things you don’t personally like or approve of. False teachers are those who teach something opposed to what God says.

Jesus’ words about this:

But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you lock people out of the kingdom of heaven. For you do not go in yourselves, and when others are going in you stop them.

Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you cross sea and land to make a single convert, and you make the new convert twice as much a child of hell as yourselves.

– Matthew 23:14-15

None of us want this kind of rebuke from the Lord.

So can we set aside what we’ve “always been taught” and always believed and always held onto, and just go back to what the Bible – in fullness, wholeness, and complete context – actually says? Can we go back to what Jesus lived out? Because this is what He is calling us to do.

If we see a section in the Bible that makes us ask questions, we should ask them. We should not brush them off and just say, “Well, it’s in the Word so it must be true.” God gave us a brain to use and the whole Word to examine, and this is not critical thinking. This is cult-like ignorance.4

Here are some verses also in the Word that should not be taken out of context and put into universal application:

Your meetings do more harm than good.
— 1 Corinthians 11:17

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.”
— 1 Corinthians 7:1

So I made up my mind that I would not make another painful visit to you.
— 2 Corinthians 2:1

I wish those who unsettle you would castrate themselves!
— Galatians 5:1

And of course, the most abused and mistranslated:

I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she is to keep silent.
— 1 Timothy 2:12

I mean, we wouldn’t want to fuss with footnotes, original language, cultural context, or any of that other inconvenient stuff…it’s just so much easier to avoid meetings, not touch women, not visit people, castrate offenders, and forbid half of humanity from teaching or talking.

Sigh, snicker.

Here’s the good news (lowercase, not uppercase): We can all do better, and we can do it today.

We can all dive deeper, read wider, pursue more. We can all repent and admit we don’t know as much as we need to or want to.

As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, continue to walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.

Watch out that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental principles of the world, and not according to Christ.

— Colossians 2:6-8

We can all honor each other and listen, and set boundaries with those who won’t reciprocate.

For where there is envy and selfish ambition, there will also be disorder and wickedness of every kind.

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy.

And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

– James 3:16-18

There are human traditions to be found all throughout Christianity that are only loosely based in the Bible and not at all what it intended.

I urge you, brothers and sisters, to keep an eye on those who create dissensions and hindrances, in opposition to the teaching that you have learned; avoid them.

For such people do not serve our Lord Christ but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the simple-minded.

– Romans 16:17-18

Education is not expensive.5 But ignorance is, and it’s costing the Kingdom.

(from the Bible reading plans at AWKNG)

It’s a good time to examine those things we always thought were true, and ask ourselves: Is this actually in the Bible, in context? Or is this just something that some in the Church have taught forever, and never course-corrected?

Because those are not always the same thing.

Wisdom is preserved for those who don’t get caught up in offense, pride, and stubbornness, but are instead caught up in wonder of His goodness.

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footnotes

  1. We also have a mainstream culture disastrously low in any literacy, and still woefully high in presumption. But that’s a discussion for another blog. ↩︎
  2. The closest I’ve come to reading other books multiple times is probably…I’m guessing, but I think 5 times or so each of Lord of the Rings, Pride and Prejudice, Wind in the Willows, and that great classic, The House at Pooh Corner. None of which I grew up reading as a child, except for one I tried (but not really) and hated. Ironically, as I type this, we’re reading that one again to all the kids, and it is my hands-down favorite read aloud ever. ↩︎
  3. If you’d like a video resource on this (under 30 minutes) this is a thorough one. Or if you prefer to read, this excellent short article confronts the modern erroneous use of the term “headship” which is not even in the Bible. The author makes the point that “loveship” would be a more accurate term and make more sense Biblically, because although it, too, is not found in the Bible, husbands are told to love their wives far more (6 times) than they are mentioned as the head (twice) or leader (zero times), or than wives are told to submit or “be subject” (3-4 times, depending on how you count).
    Further, it is important to note that “be subject” or “submit” does not equate to “follow.” See Ephesians 5:21, which prefaces two of the instances for women: “Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This does not mean “Follow each other.” Here is a great article from Marg Mowczko on that, and here is another brief one. ↩︎
  4. For example, David was “a man after God’s own heart.” Does this mean he was above reproach and we can’t be honest about his violent, lecherous behavior? Must we therefore assume that whatever he did was justified, or that it should at least be minimized?
    Some people think so, but I’m not one of them. God’s use of imperfect people doesn’t equal His categorical endorsement of their actions. (See also this video on Judges.) ↩︎
  5. My favorite free Bible study resources are BibleProject and AWKNG. ↩︎

we, who are many: how we treat the body exposes who we are

Posted on by February 27, 2026

I now have a crown. Not the fun fancy kind, but the tooth kind.

It was a two-hour deal, so I set up the next module in a course I’m taking and plugged in my headphones, hoping I could focus on a teaching about Ephesians while I (mostly) ignored what the dentist was doing.

we, who are many: how we treat the body exposes who we are

After the first hour, phase one was done, and I removed my headphones as the dentist explained that we needed to wait a bit before finishing. They left me to my own devices until the next round.

My lecture had about twenty minutes left, so I started to put my headphones back in but realized I could no longer feel one side of my face.

Is this thing in, or not? I jabbed the headphone around, feeling nothing. My ear…is this my ear? Eventually I gave up and just used the other side.

It’s so weird though, not feeling your own body.

And later it was worse. As the numbness was wearing off, I felt a faint tingle and then a strong itch on my chin, but scratching it did absolutely nothing. No sensation there whatsoever, except the itch. I knew I couldn’t keep scratching; it didn’t do any good and I couldn’t trust myself not to draw blood.

All the restless, agitated feelings, and no idea what to do about them. This is a picture of life for some of us lately.

In that situation, I did all the things I could think of: essential oils, cold pack, held the mug of hot tea against my chin, prayed in tongues, wriggled my nose and made faces, whatever might distract me from the agony of an itch that couldn’t be scratched.

In other life situations, I have researched and studied, scoured listings and options, and prayed and prayed and prayed. Have had dozens, maybe a hundred conversations about recent events and life changing moves. And I have written thousands and thousands of words, but they’ve just sat in my documents. I could not trust myself to publish without drawing blood.

This is an odd season for us (maybe for you, too) where so many Big Things are happening, and some of them seem to be converging while others make no obvious sense at all. Emotions, thoughts, questions, and prayer flood into a bottleneck that has made it hard to write publicly because I don’t know where to start. Each thread seems so entangled with so many others. And many of them are none of the internet’s business.

(Ahh, the internet: That modern Colosseum where even Christians go to be entertained by the bleeding of their brothers and sisters.)

So I’ve sat at this computer for weeks trying to find a single theme among it all, among multiple documents and about twice as many subjects: Relationships. Community. Maturity. Honesty. Boundaries. Biblical literacy. Preparation. Willingness. Sacrifice.

Sometimes we just need to sit and wait until the numbness wears off. Until the debris settles, until the itch goes away.

Can we discipline ourselves to manage the frustration of not knowing what exactly to do, instead of thoughtlessly drawing blood? Because this is a major part of how we care for the body.

O our God, will you not execute judgment upon [our enemies]? For we are powerless against this great multitude that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.

– 2 Chronicles 20:12

Really, isn’t that good for us? I don’t want human answers, I need God’s perspective. We need Kingdom solutions.

So can we wait and trust, and not default to the insecurity of self-protection mode until we hear His answer? Can we worship Him instead of our own entitlement and comfort?

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of yourself more highly than you ought to think but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

For as in one body we have many members and not all the members have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually we are members one of another.

– Romans 12:3-5

Here’s a word that some of us need to hear: God does not speak in knee-jerk responses. He doesn’t speak through trite cuts and condescension.

He did not protect himself at the expense of others. A bruised reed He will not break, and He will not rashly re-victimize the wounded.

When we do these things, we’re not acting like Him. We’re acting like someone who has no feeling for the body.

But Jesus knows how the body feels, because it is His body.

The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.”

If one member suffers, all suffer together with it; if one member is honored, all rejoice together with it.

Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.

– 1 Corinthians 12:21, 26-27

How do we care for the body when we know it’s vulnerable, and we’re in danger of drawing blood? Sometimes we are walking razor blades around people who are raw and wounded.

We cannot take someone who has shriveled into the fetal position and pry them open with a crowbar, however much we want to see them open up and live.

We cannot force someone to be who they truly are, to instantly overcome grief, trauma, aging, abuse, or disability. We cannot just tell them to do more and try harder and be like us, because they are not like us.

Or, maybe they are, but we don’t like to admit it. We’d rather think we’re smarter, tougher, stronger, better, more whole, more righteous. But what that really exposes is self-righteousness toward the broken.

We want to feel good about being benevolent, as long as it doesn’t cost us too much.

If we really want to be the Body, though, it will cost us everything. Time. Ease. Misunderstandings. Our sleep schedule. Our preconceived notions. And for sure, our pride.

Can we shift to boundaries for a minute? Because here we have tension and paradox: In one sense, we need to draw close to the hurting, and face all the awkward discomfort of doing so. But also, when the wounded are actively wounding others, we draw a line. Here, and no further.

In the Old Testament, I’ve worked my way to the middle of Joshua. Past the exciting parts, now it’s all about geography, territories, and boundaries.

Like so:

And their south boundary ran from the end of the Dead Sea, from the bay that faces southward; it goes out southward of the ascent of Akrabbim, passes along to Zin, and goes up south of Kadesh-barnea, along by Hezron, up to Addar, makes a turn to Karka…

– Joshua 15:2-3

Did you skim? If you did, you probably missed it. No shame, I’ve read this a couple dozen times and missed it, too.

But here’s what I noticed this time: Boundaries are detailed. They have nuance. Go up here, then follow along that ridge there, and make a turn to Karka…

We don’t just draw arbitrary lines or make categorical swaths of judgment. We don’t treat people according to templates and formulas. We must see people individually to see them rightly. If we don’t see individuals, we’re not looking at all.

When someone hurts us, we walk in love and forgiveness and we persist in keeping our heart for the other person. But we put space between us. Our pastor illustrated this recently in a way I’ll never forget.

“I’m not holding it against you,” he said, taking a step back. Another offense comes, and he repeated, “I’m not holding it against you,” taking another step back. If trust erodes, the space widens. We want the best for that person and we don’t delight in their misery, but there’s a boundary between us, and we can increase or decrease that space as needed.

Until we can see the Holy of Holies in each other and both treat each other with the honor that recognizes the sacred image bearer in each of us, that space will not diminish.

Sometimes people have a hard time acting like themselves because they don’t know – or they forgot – who they are. And if they don’t know themselves, they’re going to have a hard time treating others appropriately, too.

The grandmother with dementia. The young adult with brain injury. The insecure coworker. The grumpy teen who’s unsure of everything and everyone. The friend not acting like themselves lately.

I don’t know what causes it all. Too many things: Scar tissue. Numbness. Hardness. Parts of the body not responding the way they’re supposed to, because they’ve lost feeling in different areas.

Dear Christian, this is where we have to practice tender nuance with our fellow believers.

Boundaries with patience. A soft word that turns away wrath. A sense of humor that laughs without degrading.

We have to choose to see the Holy of Holies in the one who’s not acting like themselves and who they’re meant to be, however they’re behaving or reacting or surviving in this moment, in this season, at this age. We’re not in denial; they are. And it’s imperative that we don’t join them in that denial.

Beloved, did you forget you were made in His image? Worship is still happening day and night in the Temple. I wish you would sing again.

We cannot force it to happen. We have to be willing to wait, listen, abide, and admit our unknowing, while holding to the core of who we are:

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

— Jesus, in John 13:35

What about the weak, or the wounded, or the difficult? What about the ones who think differently than us, or challenge us? What about the one who can’t remember what season it is, or the one who claps during the wrong part of the church service, or the one who inconveniences our carefully polished image?

Can’t we just love those ones from a distance, and still pat ourselves on the back?

No.

On the contrary, the members of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and those members of the body that we think less honorable we clothe with greater honor, and our less respectable members are treated with greater respect, whereas our more respectable members do not need this.

But God has so arranged the body, giving the greater honor to the inferior member, that there may be no dissension within the body, but the members may have the same care for one another.

— 1 Corinthians 12:22-25

How the body cares for each other is our message. This is who we are.

It may not be a flattering assessment. We need to check to see if we have feeling in all the right places.

Because loving the Body should cost us something, since it cost Him everything to add us to it.

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P.S. Related:

  • If you’re dealing with a lot of conflict lately, my friend Katie is doing a fabulous series on navigating difficult conversations. I especially loved this post and this post.
  • Want more on caring for the Body? I have more posts here  (or audio), here (or audio), and here (or audio), to start.
  • Also! Our monthly ministry/family update comes out next week. Subscribe at Copperlight Wood’s new Substack to get it. It’s totally free but there’s an option to upgrade to a paid subscription for those who like to support our work that way (automatic monthly giving, no checks, easy peasy). Thanks!