Since it’s summertime, showers and baths around here – for the boys, at least – have mostly been replaced with garden hoses, water fights, and the kiddie pool. But we finally put our foot (feet?) down, and told the boys they needed to actually get in a real bathing facility to scrub their hair.
Groans, protests, picketing with signs.
“You know, the water in the hose is really warm,” Vin said. “They really could just wash their hair outside…if I hold the hose for them.”
I made a face, imagining streaks of unrinsed shampoo down their legs.
“They could use baking soda,” I thought out loud. “You know, get their hair wet, sprinkle the baking soda on, let it sit for a few minutes, rinse it out. Easy.” I’ve been doing this for months with great success, but was pretty sure the boys would balk at it.
But no, boys are full of surprises.
“They have agreed to the baking soda and hose procedure,” Vin announced.
“Can’t wait for their reaction when you tell them it’s called the ‘no poo’ method.”
But I never heard the reaction because Vin took care of the boys’ showers. It was one of the last of many big and small tasks we’d been knocking off a list in preparation for a momentous event in our marriage and family:
Vince and I were going away, just the two of us, for the first time in…like, ever.
For the record, since some of you remember, we did have that one trip in 2017 which was two days of work and ministry banked by red-eye flights.
At the time, someone I considered a close friend squealed in excitement, “I’m so glad you’re finally getting a vacation!” It was eye opening to realize how clueless some of our closest friends still were about our family, mission, and lifestyle at the time, and ironic, too, considering that the purpose of that visit was to communicate such things to a larger audience. (News flash: Media interviews are not vacation-y.) I still don’t understand why 48 hours of flying and appointments for a special needs adoptive couple should be the equivalent of the same kind of rest and reprieve as two weeks on the beach for her or anyone else, but I digress.
So anyway, that doesn’t count.
Also in full disclosure, there were those adoption trips in 2012…which also weren’t romantic vacations…and there was that one time in a galaxy far, far away, back when we only had three kids (was that even us?!) when a dear friend stayed with them, and Vin and I stayed at a cabin for a night. That was sometime before 2009, not sure when.
If you sow to your own flesh, you will reap corruption from the flesh, but if you sow to the Spirit, you will reap eternal life from the Spirit.
So let us not grow weary in doing what is right, for we will reap at harvest time, if we do not give up. So then, whenever we have an opportunity, let us work for the good of all and especially for those of the family of faith.
– Galatians 6:8-10
So it’s been a while. And if you know us in person you’ve probably heard us joke about our lame dates over the last couple years because most of our outings together have been to meetings, funerals, and the courthouse. But those were huge, freeing steps in and of themselves. It meant we could go somewhere alone together, which was something that rarely happened from 2012 to 2023ish.
Thus, when a couple months ago a friend at church offered us his family B&B for a weekend this summer, we were a little aghast. Really? Without the kids? (He said we could bring them or not, and we chose Not.)
This was definitely an upgrade from our historically lame dates: Two days alooooone at a beautiful lakeside home. No work, no ministry, no kids, no appointments. We weren’t going far, but we weren’t going to be within screaming distance, either.
Astonishing. Miraculous. And honestly, a little unnerving.
I am a happy homebody hermit (maybe we should trademark that) who loves our rooms and walls and acre of land. Garden, books, knitting, cats. What else do I need?
At least, this is what I told myself.
I mean, it’s true, but also…well, we’ll get there.
Over a year ago two of our favorite adults offered to watch the kids for us sometime, so now we had an opportunity to take them up on it. They came to our house, we went through instructions and routines, we hugged, we left. Drove off. Picked up food. Found the place. Unloaded our bags. Left our worries at the door.
Within thirty minutes, someone texted us about poop.
And I thought to myself, This is why we needed this.
A few more necessary texts, plus a phone call with more explicit protocol (because “How To Deal With Pooptastrophes” was not part of our initial orientation), and then we left the worries at the door. I think we actually sort of shoved them out kicking and screaming, and bolted the door behind them.
I know what you’re thinking. It’s the obvious question: How many books did we bring?
Fourteen, my friend. Plus our Bibles, and a notebook each.
Out of those fourteen books, I’m thrilled to tell you that three of them were by Wodehouse because I have finally roped Vin into reading them. Every time I heard him laugh, I felt deep gratification because he loves them as much as I do and I TOLD HIM SO.
We sat out in the sun, turning pages, drinking coffee out of unfamiliar (but beautiful) mugs and sitting in unfamiliar (but super comfortable) chairs, while tiny bits of friendly cotton floated through the air.
I should tell you that when our friend offered this, I was so touched by his generosity and thoughtfulness, but I didn’t have any wild expectations. I thought, Wow, what a gift. A couple days away is definitely something we should take advantage of.
I was not thinking, I bet this place will be stunningly beautiful and change the way I look at rest and hospitality forevermore.
But it did. It added light and color to other dreams we’ve had and held onto.
A reset occurred as we sat on unfamiliar furniture and ate out of unfamiliar dishes. The shape of this mug is different from any of ours at home, let’s try it. This couch is like ours, but so much deeper and roomier. At home, most of our drinking glasses are recycled jars. But at the B&B, not so much.
I felt a shift in my heart and perspective just in being in different rooms and having the space to let my own thoughts broaden out. Any new experience can bring a leveling up, of sorts, especially when our own routines have been so steady for so long. And I love our routines. (Most of them, at least…not the pooptastrophe protocol, of course.) But a breath of newness is good, too.
Less than 48 hours later we packed up, and in some ways it felt like weeks had passed but in others it was like only minutes had gone by. The weather that morning was bland – not dramatic rain and thunder like the first night, not sunny and breezy like the full day in between – but pale, reserved, grey, stiff upper lip, nice-to-meet-you-but-we-shouldn’t-get-so-attached-now-that-you’re-leaving, and so on.
The end of all things is near; therefore be serious and discipline yourselves for the sake of your prayers. Above all, maintain constant love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. Like good stewards of the manifold grace of God, serve one another with whatever gift each of you has received. Whoever speaks must do so as one speaking the very words of God; whoever serves must do so with the strength that God supplies, so that God may be glorified in all things through Jesus Christ. To him belong the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.
– 1 Peter 4:7-11
What else do we need? Perspective, and space. Those of us who tend toward stillness need to move around a little to go wide, and those who tend toward restlessness need the margin to be still, and go deep.
And we need friends who see things differently, who see us differently than we see ourselves, who validate things that we pooh-pooh, who recognize needs (and wants!) that we would put off or deny ourselves.
Try this. Look at this. Sit here. Look out there. You’ve gone deep for so long in the same place; it’s time to move a little wider.
How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy that we feel before our God because of you? Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you face to face and restore whatever is lacking in your faith.
Now may our God and Father himself and our Lord Jesus direct our way to you. And may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, just as we abound in love for you. And may he so strengthen your hearts in holiness that you may be blameless before our God and Father at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all his saints.
– 1 Thessalonians 3:9-13
When you have room to breathe, you suddenly realize how long you’ve been holding your breath, and how much you’ve craved a little more oxygen.
Since those two days — about ten days ago as I type this — I’ve forgotten about my phone more times than I can tell you. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and forget where I put it the night before. That, too, was oxygen I’ve needed.
Why did our friend give us this gift? Because we’ve been praying for him. And because he, too, knows how to minister.
Now there are varieties of gifts but the same Spirit, and there are varieties of services but the same Lord, and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who activates all of them in everyone.
To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.
To one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of powerful deeds, to another prophecy, to another the discernment of spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are activated by one and the same Spirit, who allots to each one individually just as the Spirit chooses.
– 1 Corinthians 12:4-11
The Sunday after we got back, we combined congregations with another local church. The sermon was about how we live in community and care for each other, and it was given by the other church’s pastor, who is also our daughter’s boss. He didn’t recognize us but I’ve known his wife for years because before we adopted, in that galaxy far, far away, we were involved in our local pregnancy center, and she’s the director of it.
“You are my favorite writer,” she said as we hugged, confirming her as one of my favorite readers, too.
They sat to the left of us in the same row. In the row in front of us was another friend I met in those pregnancy center days; it’s been seventeen years. And right behind us, the friend we’ve known for less than a year who blessed us with the B&B. Hands up, worshiping together.
It is he whom we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone in all wisdom, so that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil and strive with all the energy that he powerfully inspires within me…. I want their hearts to be encouraged and united in love, so that they may have all the riches of assured understanding and have the knowledge of God’s mystery, that is, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
– Colossians 1:28-29, 2:2-3
We see and serve each other, and this is how we make history. We change the world by caring for each other, in whatever way God has gifted us.
Do we get it wrong sometimes? Absolutely, yes, sometimes our efforts go amiss. We say the wrong thing, we misunderstand each other. But we continue trying as we abide and obey, offering the gifts we carry.
I, therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace: there is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to the one hope of your calling, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in all.
But each of us was given grace according to the measure of Christ’s gift….He himself granted that some are apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until all of us come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, to the measure of the full stature of Christ.
– Ephesians 4:1-7, 11-13
A community has history, but our relationships build and bond in making history. It’s not only about time lapsing through years, but in investing in each other, which just takes moments of attention. And as we attend to each other, we protect each other from dying of exposure, or from stifling in too much crowding and chaos.
I was thinking of you…you guys said one of your favorite things was reading on the couch on the weekends…my family has this place, I would love to give you a weekend away…
What happens when we love those we live with, and care for those we worship with? We bring oxygen, and allow space, and give perspective. We change lives, our own and others.
It is a big world and a small world, and the Lord has hemmed us in to worship and make history together.
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I pray that, according to the riches of his glory, he may grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through his Spirit and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, as you are being rooted and grounded in love.
I pray that you may have the power to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
– Ephesians 3:16-19