Category Archives: Alaska

your joy is at stake: a kindling post

Posted on by November 20, 2024

I was about sixty seconds too late for this photo. A minute earlier the sky was like *insert Hallelujah chorus* but I was trying to finish my row of knitting 😏 and missed it.

So here:

When the Lord tells you to move, do it. Don’t delay. Don’t put off obedience.

But also, this:

If real life has been in the way and you are feeling behind, always five minutes late to the party, doing everything you know to do but still feel like you’re missing the brightest colors…you’re not. If you are obeying, you are in the right place at the right time.

You’re just in time.

You didn’t miss the party. You might be watching the end of the sunset, but it might be tomorrow’s sunrise that blows you away.

We need His direction and clarity and perspective, and He longs to give it to us. But we have to abide — we receive from Him by being in proximity to Him.

A few ways to increase your proximity:

  • Read the Bible.
  • Memorize a verse (or three).
  • Ask the Spirit to help you hear Him.
  • Put on worship music.
  • Acknowledge the Lord right where you’re at – while you’re scrolling right now, doing the dishes, filing paperwork, changing a diaper, changing a tire: “God, thank You for being with me.”
  • My favorite: Ask God, “Give me Your words.” This is not just good for writers, speakers, and ministers who constantly need His words. It’s also good for parents, kids, friends, siblings, coworkers, employers, and everyone else…because we all need His words for ourselves, and for others.

If you’re having a hard time hearing God, run to His word.

And if you want to keep hearing Him, stay in His word.

A little bit every day. Push through. Posture yourself to hear Him, and You will. Ask Him for understanding & wisdom. He is eager for you to have them.

And Jesus cried out and said, “Whoever believes in me, believes not in me but in him who sent me. And whoever sees me sees him who sent me. I have come into the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness. If anyone hears my words and does not keep them, I do not judge him; for I did not come to judge the world but to save the world. The one who rejects me and does not receive my words has a judge; the word that I have spoken will judge him on the last day. For I have not spoken on my own authority, but the Father who sent me has himself given me a commandment—what to say and what to speak. And I know that his commandment is eternal life. What I say, therefore, I say as the Father has told me.”

— John 12:44-50

And one more way to hear the Lord:

Do the thing He’s already told you to do.

It’s for your good, and your joy is at stake.

You don’t have to be afraid to do the thing He told you.

We can’t expect to hear Him if we’ve continually ignored the things He’s already said to us. We train ourselves to listen by obeying.

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you.

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.

These things I command you, so that you will love one another.

— John 15:12-17

What we invest our time and thoughts in will influence the way we see the world around us, so choose carefully what gets your time and attention because not everything will honor the time you give it. Not everything will give a good return; some things will take and take and begin to twist you in ways you know are less than who you were made to be.

So prioritize well. Abiding with Jesus will always give you a greater return than you imagined, and He will lead you to things that refine you in intricate, unfathomable ways.

He is Living Water on our hard surfaces. Through holy erosion sometimes He gently molds us like rain on a path, and other times He carves aggressively at cancerous growths like a raging flood.

He’s right there with you, so let Him have His way. Your joy is at stake, and you will love who He makes you.

And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

— Philippians 1:9-11

The Lord knows the things you’re holding back.

When you felt too small, too quiet, too tired to put yourself out there, He heard you.

He knows the prayer request that was too sensitive to share.

He knows the burden you don’t want to unload onto others.

He knows the dream that seems too wild and unreasonable, and He knows you can’t stop thinking about it but you’re too afraid to tell others yet about it.

Sometimes we need to be quiet about things for a while. And sometimes we need to be brave and share.

It’s important that we decide between the two based on what He tells us, and not just what seems most comfortable.

He is your support and wisdom and comfort and provider either way.

What you produce isn’t supposed to look like what everyone else produces.

God designed you differently on purpose. No one else can do exactly what He made you to do in the way He made you to do it.

So make sure you are doing it. 🤍

Don’t shrink back in anxiety or worry about what others will think. Don’t be hindered by the expectations of others that would keep you small, limited, and less than what He’s been prompting you about. Stay humble but move boldly as you abide, keeping short accounts with the Holy Spirit as you move forward in constant communion and obedience.

You can trust Him to lead you well. He loves your closeness and brave, joyful, tentative steps forward.

But if He’s nudging you to be brave, He might want to do those things through someone else so you can see the answer and breakthrough right in front of you.

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed[…]work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

— Philippians 2:12-13

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just getting started: the overwhelm that equips us

Posted on by May 26, 2022

The first few weeks were fine: Cute little birds in their cute little boxes in our slightly overcrowded bathroom. Little peeping noises from the chicks, beautiful cooing noises from the quail. We could watch them for hours.

just getting started: the overwhelm that equips us

But then the chick dust started.

And, oh my friends, do you know what chick dust is? It’s a combination of things, but mostly it’s dander from the feathers that are growing in from about two to six weeks of age. If you have a history of asthma, pneumonia, bronchitis, or other respiratory issues, it’s no bueno to be around.

The feathers are important, of course. They’re what help them endure the elements, and they’re what make them beautiful. But the dirty, ugly-cute season has to be endured in the process of growing them.

I started to notice the burning in my throat and chest, reminiscent of pneumonia. It felt like I was suffocating. So I started taking supplements for lung support and we cleaned the brooder multiple times a day.

But the dust took its toll. So I was banned from the bathroom, and as soon as it was warm enough outside, the chicks were banned from the house.

(No, it has nothing to do with bird flu. If you believe what the news is telling you about bird flu, I have some oceanfront property in northern Wasilla I’d love to sell you.)

Now the birds are seven and eight weeks old: Their feathers are in, the dust has settled, and they’ve upgraded to the coop and the yard, all beautifully fluffy as they peck at dandelions and bugs. The quail have even been laying eggs for almost two weeks now, and it feels like we made it.

It was a long, crazy month, though. Learning how to care for birds while having several other irons in the fire was a level of overwhelm I haven’t felt since…well, maybe since having a newborn. In this case, we had 38 chickie newborns, a kid graduating, several work and writing projects, grades and progress reports to turn in for six kids, garden seedlings everywhere, and the normal societal unrest that has become so common in the last few years that it’s stopped surprising us.

It’s not special; you have all your own stuff you’re dealing with, too. We’re all just living normal life, but doing it in an era that is kicking up dust everywhere.

He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, do you wash my feet?” Jesus answered him, â€œWhat I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.” Peter said to him, “You shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered him, â€œIf I do not wash you, you have no share with me.” 

– John 13: 6-8

We don’t understand why all these things are going on around us, but Jesus is getting our feet wet.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had conversations with friends in recent weeks about how the events of the past few years have taken their toll, and we are feeling the effects of it. We are overwhelmed. Feeling scattered. Fighting burnout. Wrestling anxiety again that we conquered years ago. Dealing with a few health issues from all the stress.

Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!”Jesus said to him, â€œThe one who has bathed does not need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean. 

– John 13:9-10

Don’t make it weird, Peter. I’m not drowning you, I’m equipping you.

One friend mentioned how prayer feels like more of a struggle lately. The words don’t come as easily, and since they don’t, she has to force words, which feels less genuine. But she’s learning the discipline of mature, fighting prayer. The truth is, my friend is doing great with her prayer life. She’s growing and persisting in it in new ways.

If you feel like you’re not doing well in your prayer life because it’s not as easy as it was, you’ve probably actually moved to the next level and are feeling the stretching of growth.

Our success can’t be gauged by how comfortable we are with something; usually our success is indicated by our willingness to continue doing the right thing even when it’s hard and uncomfortable.

We’re not going under; we’re graduating. We feel the dust burning in our lungs because it’s time for an upgrade, and we need to take new territory.

We watched the fruition of it this week when our daughter graduated. She’s our second grad but the first to walk, the one who was born after a horrible miscarriage and brought redemption even before she breathed outside the womb. She’s beautiful and gifted and brilliant, and just so you know, she’s getting a shotgun as soon as she turns eighteen. (If you believe what the news is telling you about gun violence, I also have some lakefront property in our chicken coop you really ought to see.)

The grades are in, the paperwork is done. But she isn’t finished; she’s just equipped for the next level.

And I have been feeling this upgrade, too. Last week when I was at the desk, trying to settle into a few hours of work, I felt like a deer in the headlights, unable to figure out what to tackle first. I was stunned by the amount of needs and directions I had to go in.

It was too much; I turned the page and started making a list of irons in the fire, and got almost halfway down the page before I stopped and put the pencil down.

Lord, what do I do with all this? I asked. Where do I start?

The Holy Spirit started asking questions back:

Are any of these temporary?

Yes. There’s a temporary partnership, a smallish project to finish, a bigger task to be done, and Iree’s graduation. Those won’t be on the list forever.

Are any of these negotiable, or not necessary?

Um…no, not really.

Are they all bringing life and bearing fruit, even if you can’t see the fruit yet?

I think so. There’s one I might be able to eliminate but it’s too soon to tell.

Start at the top. Do the thing closest to you and work your way down.

So I made the phone calls, returned the texts, wrote the articles. Filled out the paperwork. Graduated the girl.

The list has started to shrink; it doesn’t quite hit the middle of the page anymore. And I know it will always flux and change – things will be added to it as others are crossed off.

But you and I, we are growing, and upgrading, and effectively engaging a culture that is reaping the consequences of simply going with the flow, refusing to do the hard but necessary things. We’re persisting in doing the right thing even when it’s not comfortable.

We’re not finished; we’re just getting ready for the next level.

I’m not suffocating you, Love, He tells us. I’m equipping you. No feathers, no flight.

what the day demands: holding the hospital accountable

Posted on by February 18, 2022

Just quickly, because I hate thinking about it, I want to give you an update on our experience with Alaska Regional Hospital, who refused emergency care to our toddler when he broke his arm and needed emergency surgery because I would not allow them to swab him for Covid.

The hospital investigated the incident and admitted fault. They apologized profusely, multiple times. We have had communication with them through emails, letters, and phone calls. To quote the letter from the Patient Safety Director: “Our comprehensive review found opportunities for improvement and we will address these concerns with the individuals involved and will provide education throughout our facility.”

what the day demands: holding the hospital accountable

That’s the quick summary.

The longer, more detailed version is this: In the same letter, they said they considered the matter concluded but also admitted they had not yet addressed the people involved (“we will address these concerns”) and that was a red flag to me. So I spoke with the director who wrote the letter and expressed that concern, and asked for more specifics.

In that conversation, the Patient Safety Director was very nice and again apologized. However, she also attempted to shift blame by accusing me of taking video in spite of their policy against it. I was unaware of this policy, since they violated their own policy by not giving me a copy of the Patient’s Bill of Rights and Responsibilities. Ironic, yes? This is just one example of how policies are neglected or enforced based on a convenient double standard instead of integrity.

To give you an idea of how that conversation went (and to help equip you in the event of a similar debacle), the bulk of my follow up letter is copied below.

You mentioned the hospital’s policy against taking video, which, since I was not given a copy of the Patient’s Bill of Rights and Responsibilities (a violation of Alaska Regional’s own policy, per its website here) I was unaware of. However, does that policy excuse the behavior that was captured on those videos?

In our conversation, I pointed out that most people breaking the law (as your staff did) tend to not want video or audio recordings of such behavior. However, the State of Alaska does not prohibit the recording of conversations, per Alaska Statute § 42.20.300(a) which indicates that only a party of the conversation is allowed to record and/or broadcast the communication, in addition to Federal law, 18 U.S.C. § 2511(2)(d), which requires only that one party give consent, and I am that party.

I was alone with no other advocate (your staff not allowing my husband to be with me, which also seems to violate the hospital’s listed visitation rights per your website here, nor offering a patient advocate as is policy for all joint commission accredited hospitals). Your staff broke several policies and laws, so this is a bad time to defray responsibility by accusing me of recording of the event. It was the only wise protection for myself as I was left with hospital staff who attempted to strip me of every other protection, to the point of calling the police and threatening to trespass me because I dared to ask questions about a test for my son that I had every right to refuse, also according to the Patient’s Bill of Rights.

It was interesting to me that, like the nurse who was focused more on the mask issue than our toddler’s broken arm, you also returned to the mask issue a couple times, to the point of repeatedly asking if our entire family has mask exemptions. Our entire family consists of eight children and two parents — ten people— and none of our medical status or history is any of your business. As a Hospital Patient Safety Director, you ought to know that. Your returning to the irrelevant mask issue likewise shows a grave error of priorities in this situation.

I suggest your staff review these and other laws more closely as it appears there are several misunderstandings where you and your staff judge certain hospital policies to be superior to actual laws, which they are not, and other hospital policies that are there for the protection of patients to be irrelevant. Alaska Regional Hospital is subject to the laws of the United States and the State of Alaska. Those laws are not nullified because of policies and mandates.

To reiterate from our conversation and your letter, we are using very different language. I want to clarify to you again and in writing that I did not simply feel “unsupported” but that I was bullied and traumatized. Your staff was not “insensitive” – they were abusive, and repeatedly attempted to intimidate and pressure me into doing what they wanted. Lastly, this is not simply “an opportunity for further education and improvement;” this was Alaska Regional Hospital committing multiple violations of the law (ADA, HIPPA, and/or EMTALA, in addition to those mentioned above), along with committing multiple violations of the Patient’s Bill of Rights as listed on the hospital’s own website.

Please call it what it is; acknowledging the gravity of the situation would make your apology more convincing. Whitewashing the events does not convince me that any lasting change is coming to your facility.

Their behavior during this event indicates that the staff involved in this situation have clearly been getting away with this kind of treatment for a long time.

The only reason it came to light this time is because we did not succumb to it and we let many, many people know about it. Those people, including our family and several elected representatives, are very eager to know how Alaska Regional Hospital is going to correct this situation, including whether they will persist in charging us the $708 for such a traumatic, incompetent experience. We would like your assurance that this kind of situation never happens to another family again.

Thank you again,
Shannon Guerra

In her reply, the same director ignored the laws and policies mentioned and repeated many of the kind-but-squishy phrases from her original letter. Watered down words don’t impress me, and euphemisms expose dishonesty.

You spurn all who go astray from your statutes, for their cunning is in vain.

– Psalm 119:118

They did, however, waive the $708 charge as a “gesture of goodwill.”

It was truly the least they could do.

One of our daughters was born in that hospital. Baruch, our baby who I miscarried, was delivered there. But now this happened there, too, and I never want to step foot in that place again.

Forgiveness is free, but trust is not regained by double standards and diplomatic condescension.

This quote hangs in my office:

Weasel words from mollycoddles will never do when the day demands prophetic clarity from great hearts.

– Theodore Roosevelt

The day is coming when medical abuse will be brought to justice and those who justified it will find they were on the wrong side of history, to their shame and regret. The more we call out the whitewashing mollycoddles and speak with the truth of prophetic clarity, the sooner that day comes.

I am filing away this paperwork, and wishing the memories were that easy to shut away, too. We have bills upon bills from facilities who actually did provide service for Kav, and we are grateful for those in the medical industry who are doing their work with integrity and honesty.

Bottom line: Be a decent person. Don’t hide behind hypocrisy and double standards. And be nice to nerdy writers; we know how to get the word out.