About Shannon

Alaskan homeschooling mama of eight sweet kids. Loves Jesus, writing, coffee, Dickens, and snapping a kitchen towel at my husband when he's not looking.

so close: how we cooperate with breakthrough

I haven’t published a book in two years, but the one I’ve been working on for eleven years is about to release in a month or so. So this of course is not the best time for my computer to give me the blank stare of death.

But as I type this, it’s done that twice in a span 24 hours.

Did I have all my files backed up recently?

Oh, friends…I think we both already know the answer to that.

so close: how we cooperate with breakthrough

Fortunately Vince is a computer whiz (not by natural gifting or inclination, but because over the last five years I can’t tell you how many times technology has fritzed out on us) and he was able to restore the whole shebang the first time, which gave me the opportunity to frantically back up all my files. And since I have approximately the same number of files on my computer as my book has words (65,000, but who’s counting), that process took all evening and kept going through most of the night.

So when it crapped out again the next day, he was able to redo it all quickly and the only loss was all of my saved passwords and several hours of desk time. And even that wasn’t a total waste; in lieu of curling up in the fetal position in a corner of my bedroom and hyperventilating, I spent those hours trying not to throw up and instead busied myself with finding all the books I need to cite in my endnotes.

There have been quite a few days this month that have been not the best ones for sitting at the desk trying to write coherently, anyway. Those were days of Big Thoughts about Hard Situations, filled with distraction while I did tiny tasks: messages, emails, copying and pasting documents, busywork. And finally the short work shifts were over, and to my relief, it was time to switch with Vince and go to the kitchen or the yard. The manual tasks of washing eggs, taking care of chickens, and making shepherd’s pie are a much better use of time on these high pressure, overwhelming days.

Earlier this month we had a first-thing-in-the-morning visit to Urgent Care because little boys should not fight over opening the curtain in the morning (strike one) or stand in their windowsill (strike two) and they should definitely not shove each other while standing in said windowsill (strike three). So Kav broke his arm again – same arm, different spot, both bones but not nearly as bad as last time, praise God and pass the ibuprofen – and he is in another cast until early August.

I have been telling people that, in our defense, in 22 years of parenting we have had eight children and no broken bones until this kid. We almost had a perfect record. So close.

Or another example: One day Reagan finally did her math assignment for the first time in two weeks. She knows odds and evens, has sorted them out for years, and even if she forgets (because this is the brain on FAS), the guidelines are written at the top of her page: Even numbers end in 0, 2, 4, 6, and 8. Odd numbers end in 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9.

For two weeks she either ignored the guidelines or blatantly refused to do it, and instead of following the instructions to mark all even numbers with X’s, she randomly marked some or all of them every single day. She knew it was wrong; she knew she was disobeying.

Ironically, she also wants to move onto the next math level. She talks about starting her next book almost every day, and she knows she can’t get to it if she won’t finish the page she’s on, so close to the end of her current book.

And then one morning she finally did it: Perfect Xs on all the even numbers, and only the even numbers. Hallelujah. The next section was easy: Just add simple two-digit numbers. She knows this and usually flies through it. Just in case though, I checked to make sure she knew what to do. Then she went back to the table.

Two minutes later she brought me her book. She had not added anything. Instead, she went back to the odds and evens she had finally finished, crossed out all the odd numbers in addition to the evens she had finally done correctly, effectively undoing her work and thumbing her nose at me. In spite of what she says every day, the clear message was, No, I do not want to do school, I do not want to move on.

So when we are so close to victory and hit a delay, sometimes it’s attack, and sometimes it’s sabotage – we’re afraid of the change that we’ve been begging for, because we don’t really know what to expect from it.

And other times it’s neither. We’re just waiting, and it’s not always easy to tell the difference. We don’t want to fight against God’s timing and rebuke what we think is an attack if it’s really God causing a delay for our good. So we wrestle in this unknowing, and ask Him to take us back to the beginning.

This is where I was a couple weeks ago. I was praying and had no idea what to do about a situation, and I told the Lord that I needed Him to take me back to the very beginning. In desperation, I felt like I didn’t know how to pray, intercede, declare, bind, or assault the enemy; I had tried everything but nothing seemed to be working.

So I asked Him again, through tears and gritted teeth:

“God, show me how to pray. Show me how to declare. I need You to show me exactly what to do now because I don’t know what’s working. I feel like I’m aiming blindly and sometimes something sticks and sometimes it doesn’t, and I don’t know what makes the difference. So show me what to do – show me what works, and show me how to do it. I keep hitting all the buttons, and I don’t know what’s working, what’s not working, what’s canceling the others out. I just keep slamming all the freaking buttons. Show me the right one to push, and I will do it.”

When I was done venting and seething, the Holy Spirit quietly said, Everything works.

I sat there stunned, wondering if I’d heard correctly. What?! What do You mean, everything works?

He answered, You want to know how severe the onslaught has been against you? It’s because everything you’ve been doing in obedience and faith works – and that’s how much opposition you’ve been dealing with, because everything you’ve been doing has been working.

You’ve just been encountering that much attack because that’s how terrified the enemy is of your victory.

And suddenly I was eager to intercede, to fight, to get back in the battle. The enemy had me convinced it wasn’t working and I fell for it. I hadn’t been pushing as hard, which made his job that much easier. But since that revelation, there’s been momentum in prayer and intercession and declaration and in coming against the enemy and binding his attacks because I know it all works.

Trusting even when it appears you have been forsaken; praying when it seems your words are simply entering a vast expanse where no one hears and no voice answers; believing that God’s love is complete and that He is aware of your circumstances, even when your world seems to grind on as if setting its own direction and not caring for life or moving one inch in response to your petitions; desiring only what God’s hands have planned for you; waiting patiently while seemingly starving to death, with your only fear being that your faith might fail – “this is the victory that has overcome the world;” this is genuine faith indeed.

– George MacDonald

Superimposed over all this in what can only be explained by divine coordination, are various out-of-nowhere confirmations and encouragements from friends, readers, and strangers: a text with a timely word, dinner ordered for us from out of state, and messages from people telling us what they see in our family, work, and ministry that we don’t see ourselves because it’s all just too close to see clearly.

Which brings me to what might be the central scripture verse for this new book:

After the reading from the Law and the Prophets, the rulers of the synagogue sent a message to them, saying, “Brothers, if you have any word of encouragement for the people, say it.

– Acts 13:15

So there is definite shifting, winds changing. Pressure and attack colliding with trust and abiding. Hard work colliding with rest. Surrender in one direction and rebuke and binding in the other. In spite of the attacks when we are this close, we have momentum: With every Yes, His kingdom’s coming. Because it all works.


P.S. If you haven’t heard yet, the new book is called Risk the Ocean: An Adoptive Mom’s Memoir of Sinking and Sanctification. It releases September 19th and you can preorder it here. xo

for the one who’s tired of waiting: a kindling post

Hey friend. You, the tired and worn out one. You’ve been pushing, pushing, pushing. Waiting for momentum. Unsure of what tomorrow will look like. Not sure how to plan for it. Trying to be faithful in these moments, but there’s so much to be faithful in that you’re not sure if you’re doing it right, or giving everything the proper attention.

for the one who's tired of waiting: a kindling post by shannon guerra

The Lord sees and knows. He sees where you’ve taken risks that seem foolish, and where you’ve obeyed but the results don’t seem to make sense. He sees your wrestle with striving, and your desire to just be and abide.

He’s not impatient or annoyed by you constantly asking Him if you’re doing it right. He’s not shaking His head and tsk-ing, wishing you’d get your act together and stop bugging Him.

He’s a good, good Father.

He loves your heart that continues to press forward in obedience and surrender, especially when you don’t know what it looks like exactly or how things will turn out.

You can trust Him to tell you what you need to know when you ask Him. And you can trust Him to give you what you need when you ask Him, too.

For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

— Luke 11:10-13

These peonies should’ve bloomed over a week ago but we had the rainiest, cloudiest, gloomiest June I can ever remember. We’re almost halfway through the summer, and it’s still cloudy.

And there’s a word in them for those who have been waiting:

The Lord is still shining on your situation. I know it seems like it’s taking so long and you’ve almost given up hoping and praying and watering and expecting, but your answer is on the cusp of blooming. Do not cut it down too early. Don’t give up on tending it. He is putting things in order, and answers, solutions, and breakthrough are going to start unfolding faster than you can believe.

You can trust Him.

Yes, He’s teaching you perseverance. But He’s not teaching you to be miserable, resigned, or crestfallen.

He’s teaching you how faithful, loving, good, and creative He is.

Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

— Isaiah 43:18-19

So you have been waiting and waiting and waiting. And now this: Just a little movement, so small it’s almost insulting. One petal unfolds, sticking out awkwardly, while everything else is still tightly closed.

Is this a joke? Doesn’t God know you need so much more? You have been running and running, and this small bump of a reward doesn’t even come close to what you were hoping for.

But can you praise Him in this small thing? Can you shun disappointment for a minute and refuse to listen to the lies of discouragement long enough to thank Him for this movement?

You want to, because future movement depends on it. Our worship will make the difference between this thing firing up or fizzling out.

And hey, friend…of course it doesn’t look like it should yet. Things are just getting started.

Therefore, beloved, since you are waiting for these, be diligent to be found by him without spot or blemish, and at peace. And count the patience of our Lord as salvation…

— 2 Peter 3:14-15a

You know those things that don’t make sense? The ones that aren’t adding up right: A plus B ought to equal C but instead it’s equaling negative five or something. Even though all the right components are there, it still isn’t turning out right. Why have things been so slow, so small, when you know they should’ve been so big?

Did the Lord forget?

Is He angry with you?

Did He decide you don’t really deserve it?

No.

He’s growing your wings.

He’s teaching you to see, and to be alert, and to recognize that some things around you are not just what they seem.

He’s making you strong, and preparing you for exploits.

Things will speed up soon enough, and when they do, you’ll be ready because you surrendered to this process of growth and preparation.

For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God?—

the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless.

He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights.

He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great.

You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip.

— Psalm 18:31-36

It doesn’t make sense because you are only seeing part of what’s going on. And part of what you’re seeing is misleading and meant to discourage you. Don’t fall for it.

Just like stepping on the scale when someone else is putting weight on it, the numbers you are seeing aren’t the full picture and many of them are false. Don’t put all your trust in the numbers or other things you can see. Put your trust in God who hears you and knows you and answers prayer. He is answering it. Don’t let discouragement cause you to give up when victory is so close.

Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way.

He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way.

All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.

— Psalm 25:8-10

The Lord sees those things you’ve been quiet about and trying to be brave for. He knows you’ve been inwardly wilting, trying to stand tall but feeling like liquid inside, unsure of how much longer you can go before collapsing.

He has no intention of letting you collapse, though.

And He’s not playing games, testing to see how far you can go. He knows. He’s not some scientist experimenting on you like a lab rat.

He knows how far you can go.

So He’s preparing you to be there.

Think about that for a second.

You can trust Him with change, and with your future, and with your family as you get there, and beyond.

You can trust Him to be good to you during the whole process.

Grace, mercy, and peace will be with us, from God the Father and from Jesus Christ the Father’s Son, in truth and love.

— 2 John 1:3


Here’s the printable version of this post:

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choose your battles: resisting our default by taking thoughts captive

I am rarely the one who makes dinner here anymore, but if I am left to my own devices I will act on default and cook potatoes. Mashed potatoes, fried potatoes, baked potatoes, hash browns, doesn’t matter. This is my factory setting, my life always needs more potatoes and gravy.

So last week when I just had a few kids to cook for – an oddly rare thing that has somehow become more and more common this year – I started rinsing and peeling potatoes. Then I cut them in thick, crispy slices and set them in a little olive oil to fry. Grabbed an onion and shaved it thin to caramelize, threw it on top of the potatoes. Perfect.

choose your battles: resisting our default by taking thoughts captive

When it was ready, I flipped and stirred them and waited a couple more minutes. You need a good steel spatula for this to separate the golden starch of the food from the searing heat of the cast iron, and after a few more minutes I slid it under and flipped again. But in my enthusiasm, a large chunk of onion-laden potatoes sailed out of the pan and landed next to the adjacent burner…which was on, under the pot of tea I was making for kombucha.

And the stove top was perfectly clean.

Um. Are you thinking what I was thinking?

If you are, then you know that I briefly wondered if I could just leave them there to finish cooking, or if I needed to fish them all out with a fork.

Because sometimes putting off hard things and taking the easier route is also my default.

(Yes, I fished them out; crispy golden perfection is worth it.)

But I’m not alone in this; my children have it too.

“Mom, how do you spell ‘uniform?’” Finn asked from across the room, writing in his journal.

“You mean, like a police officer’s uniform?” I clarified, in case I misheard what he said.

“No, like a space uniform.” Right, those are totally different, except for their spelling.

“Same thing,” I said. “U…N…I…” I waited, giving him time to write them.

A long pause followed. Finally I asked, “Did you write U-N-I?”

He looked up at me. “I think I’ll just say ‘suit.’”

Yep, choose your battles. One syllable is much shorter than three syllables. That’s my boy.

Laziness is our factory setting and it’s fine for some things. We must choose our battles; life has enough complications without idolizing perfectionism and picking the hardest route every single time.

Except when it comes to our thoughts. When we are overwhelmed with stress, we must choose the bold route and refuse to give in to passivity, because putting off the hard thing will come back to bite us every time. Our minds naturally run like water downstream, sending our thoughts toward what the enemy wants us to focus on, unless we train them otherwise.

For example, I ran through my mental to-do list today: Pick up the kid from camp, do school with the other kids, meet the deadline, answer the emails, respond to the text, listen to the recording, help the kid with math, find school books from a non-woke company, and make two kinds of salad for dinner with friends. The overwhelm built up and my heart started pounding, and I caught myself taking slow, deep breaths to get enough oxygen. And why do I feel like crying again? I thought.

Because I’m thinking downhill. This is too much, too hard, I don’t know how to do this all at the same time, there’s never enough time. I’m not doing enough and I don’t know how to do more. This person is so frustrating, I’m so annoyed. Why did he say it that way, and what is he implying?

Just as we mindlessly scroll social media unless we deliberately choose to grab a book or do something else productive, we will slip quietly toward the path of least resistance unless we do something about it. We must choose the thoughts to cling to, and direct our minds in the right direction.

If we don’t, they sink like the gravitational law of purses and handbags: Phones and keys – like our undisciplined thoughts – plummet to the bottom within three seconds of entering the bag, but feminine hygiene products (our worries) are so buoyant they stick out at the top and wave at everyone who passes by. Hello, look at me! Throwing a wrench into your day in three, two, one…yes! Mortification, complete!

Our default is to let the enemy run wild in our thoughts. Undisciplined, we tend to give him free reign to abuse our imagination, allowing it to think the worst of others, the worst of ourselves, and of the worst case scenarios – and that is like praying for what we don’t want to happen. This is how the enemy sends us spiraling into our mental padded room, surrounded by empty bottles and chocolate wrappers. But it’s not where we’re meant to be.

So we have to be strong and aware, and use our imaginations in a holy way. When we think of the best case scenarios and what they look like, we’re not participating in some New Age visualization; we’re agreeing with God’s goodness for the situation, the people, and ourselves, and asking Him to help us see what He sees. It becomes prayer and it is powerful.

But worrying is also powerful. So we must choose the kind of powerful we want to be.

Years ago, one of my kids asked, “Why are grown-ups able to make better choices than kids? Because you know you’re supposed to drink water, so you drink it. But I know I’m supposed to drink water, and I don’t, because I don’t want to.”

What she didn’t realize is that I finally learned to drink water after losing my gall bladder in emergency surgery after yeeeears of not drinking enough of it. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way. And this is true of taking our thoughts captive, too.

Maturity and holiness come from learning to do what you have to, not just want you want to. Grown-ups have had more time to practice – though not all of them have chosen that battle, which is why you get middle-aged narcissists who cry about being a victim anytime they’re held accountable for their actions.

We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.

– 2 Corinthians 10:5

On those overwhelming days (this is me, preaching to myself) we must choose the topic of our thoughts and not run with whatever flies into our mind first. This is a habit of the will. We choose preemptive peace in our minds by forgiving others and ourselves, and dealing with wounds so we stop the cycle of wounded people who wound other people.

We choose it. We decide where to let our thoughts dwell. So when the enemy lays out the trap, we deliberately set our mind on something else to actively resist him, and we walk our thoughts elsewhere. We tell them where to go. We must not take the bait.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

– Philippians 4:8

These are busy days for our family (and probably for yours, too) and we have a rule about clocking out at six, but there’s still something to be said for evening writing: sitting on the bed or the couch or at the table, pounding away at the open laptop after the kids are in bed. We’ve been doing that a lot lately and it’s like going back to my roots, when I did most of my writing between 9pm and 2am.

It’s not what I’d prefer, though. I would probably rather be reading, or watching goofy videos on the internet with Vince. But this is the season for doing deliberate things, often hard things, and for running faster than we’d like to.

This is not the season for laziness or taking the easy route.

In those years of late night writing when Finn was a toddler, sometimes I would let the girls stay up to keep him occupied while I worked on a piece with eight tabs open and a couple of books next to me. They often played Restaurant, with Cham and Finn on the floor with a receiving blanket as a tablecloth, and Iree handing out menus. You want toast, right? Yes, and two rolls with butter on them. We happen to be out of rolls, would you like biscuits instead? Yes, with honey. Oh, Finn, no! The ambitious little man had escaped the table and shown terrible etiquette by tearing up the kitchen supplies.

So he has not always been one to take the easy, passive route, and this is still the case. And to be fair to myself – as I hope you are being fair to yourself – we have not always taken the easy route, either. We were made in the image of the One who tackled creating the entire world we know in only six days, and He’s designed us to look and act like Him. We were made to do big things, to commit exploits. Our minds have to be disciplined first, though, because the enemy will henpeck anyone who’s an easy target.

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.

– Colossians 3:1-2

That visionary boy who chooses his battles has a birthday coming up, and we, too, are getting to choose our battles because this is his wish list: an invisible flame thrower, a double bladed lightsaber, a dirt bike, a digital watch, and a jetpack. Good gravy.

But a couple days ago he made a concession.

“I decided to take the invisible flame thrower off my birthday list,” he said.

“Really?” I replied, trying to hide my relief as the heavens opened and the angels sang the Hallelujah Chorus.

“Yeah.” He cocked his head and showed me a diagram he’d drawn. “I think I can just make it myself.”

Record scratch. Made for exploits, I reminded myself.

But maybe you can roast potatoes with it, at least.



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