Category Archives: friendship

first things, part three: why we gather

Posted on by March 3, 2023

A little over a year ago I walked into a living room almost entirely full of people I had never met before.

You know that meme that says “My fashion style can be summed up in the phrase ‘Did not plan on getting out of the car’”? That was me. I looked like I’d been tending chickens all day, and, uh, that was before we even had chickens.

first things, part three: why we gather -- Shannon Guerra

I hadn’t planned on getting out of the car because I was waiting for a kid to walk out to the car. I had been writing all day, so picture the Ultimate Introvert Writer Outfit complete with flannel and mismatched sweater, messy bun, and favorite ratty jeans; I’m sure it was all there. I hoped to walk in unnoticed and catch my kid’s eye, but instead everyone suddenly looked at me.

And then the leader asked me to introduce myself.

Oh, no.

“I’m…Ireland’s mom. I’m here to pick her up.” Oh Jesus, hide me, hide me now, all these people are looking at me and I don’t think I’m even wearing eyeliner.

“Oh! We love Ireland, welcome!” Smiles everywhere. Warmth. Eager acceptance. I immediately knew the Spirit was there, not just with me as I walked in, but already present and extremely active in the room. And it kindled something in me that I hadn’t realized I was so hungry for: A tribe of devoted people on mission together. Deeper roots in our community, and new growth after a year of changes and pruning.

As I type this, it’s fourteen months later. And for almost a year now our whole family has been going to this gathering together – yeah, all of us, awkward, delicate special needs and all, in a small, scary close environment – and we spend at least six evenings a month with these guys in worship, prayer, teaching, fellowship, and ministering to each other. (And also, we finally own chickens. My fashion has not changed, but now at least I have better excuses.)

But why do we bother? We have another church we go to on Sundays. Or, if it comes down to it, why bother with either? Why have Church, why devote the time and energy to gather at all?

Because gathering is one of the first, foundational things. We get fed when we gather. We become unified and stronger when we gather. And the Word gets out when we gather.

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

– Hebrews 10:24-25

So what is Church? This question has been coming up a lot lately among readers, friends, and our church communities. It also came up recently in our monthly q&a and here’s a clip of that for you if you’re interested, and the transcript follows:

[Transcript: Most of you guys know we go to two different churches; one is a traditional Assembly of God on Sundays and the other is a home church with entirely different people. Two totally different experiences and communities, but lots of mutual friends and connections between them. Both are valuable. The big pulpit on Sunday is valuable to me because it brings unity to the message of the gospel and it brings clarity to the Word and how we apply it. I shared last Sunday’s sermon and our pastor didn’t hold anything back in talking about homosexuality, abortion, or transgender issues, but he did it in love and he did it without apology. This is what the church needs to hear. We need a unifying message that isn’t scared to apply what the Bible says to the events we’re facing right now.

Our small group is more discussion and worship oriented. We pray a lot and minister prophetically to each other. I’m not sure you can get the personalized depth of ministry in a large, normal church setting, but that doesn’t mean that those settings aren’t necessary. You can’t get as much of the large-reaching, unifying message in the small settings of only 20 or 30 people. Both have strengths. And I wouldn’t say that both have weaknesses, because I don’t think they’re designed to have the strengths that the other has. For example, it’s not a weakness of our hands that we can’t walk on them; they’re not made for that. Our hands are made for other things. It’s not a weakness of our feet that we can’t write with our toes. That’s not what our toes and our feet are generally made for. So its not a weakness of small groups that they can’t do what large services do, and it’s not a weakness of large services that they can’t usually minister to the level of personal depth that a home church or really good small group can do.

I think Church should look like it did in Acts – and we see different things there that aren’t all compatible in the same setting. We see them eating together, praying and healing. And we also see Peter and others speaking to huge crowds. We see exploits and danger; we see people willing to do hard and dangerous things. We see people learning to be honest, and facing the consequences of dishonesty. We see prophecy and miracles, we see travels and reunions, we see people transformed from persecutors and doers of witchcraft and everyday teachers into those who follow Jesus and expand His kingdom. We see arguments and accountability and resolution. We see conflicts and the mission carrying on in spite of them. We see persecution and freedom. We see government officials bewildered and curious.

And I think that’s what the church should look like.]

A few weeks ago we sat around the living room in our home church and this theme of first things came up. I came away from the conversation with two revelations.

The first was when a friend pointed out that one of the first things the Lord did was surrender. When He made us, He put us in the garden and surrendered His will over us by giving us free will. He gave us the ability to obey or disobey, to trust Him or try something else. He didn’t want a forced love from us, because that would be no love at all.

Right after that one of our pastors stunned me with the second revelation: “God’s first recorded words to humans were permission, not restriction. You may, He said.”

No way, what? I’d never noticed that, so I looked it up. (You should always check into what your pastor is saying. A good one won’t mind it; they will encourage it.) Here’s the verse, and it’s actually in Genesis 2: “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”

For the record, God talks to humans in Genesis 1, also. Which seems like that would actually come first in the dialogue, but if you pay attention you’ll notice chapter 1 is a summary and chapter 2 begins a more detailed flashback of how God created man and woman. But this, too, was permissive, generous, and empowering. He says:

And God blessed them. And God said to them –

Wait a second. We don’t actually know the first words He said to them here, because it just says “He blessed them, and [then] said to them…” So the first thing was a blessing. And then He said:

“Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

– Genesis 2:28

And then in the next verse He says:

“Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food.”

– Genesis 2:29

God’s first words to humans were about how we are to be fed. And that’s interesting, because it’s also one of the main reasons we gather. A family grows when you feed it – and we’re not just talking about great potlucks.

But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.

– Hebrews 5:14

We also become stronger and more unified when we gather. What is the point of the pulpit, or any platform? Communication. But not just any communication; we’re not getting up early on Sunday or devoting one of our evenings every week to listen to someone who just loves the sound of their own voice. We need truth, realignment, confirmation, and conviction. Boldness and clarity. Maturity and wholeness. And when those are preached, it brings solidarity and unity to our communities.

Because Presbyterians and Congregationalists and Quakers and Baptists and others all heard the same message and all were free to respond similarly, Americans were becoming united in the wake of [George Whitefield’s] nonstop preaching. People were being offered a new identity that fit well with the American way of thinking. Some were German by background and some were French and some were English, but none of it mattered: They were all equal under God; they were all Americans.

– Eric Metaxas, If You Can Keep It

How we express Biblical truth is also how we will express truth about current events, and people are hungry to hear it straight from fearless leadership who will dish the Word without watering it down.

For pastors, teachers, leaders, and anyone else with a platform, the time to decide has come: Will we speak boldly, regardless of where the chips might fall? Are we willing to rock the boat to speak truth in love, and to say what the Holy Spirit’s been talking to us about?

It’s not a one-and-done thing. Personally, the Lord keeps challenging me in new ways to not just go deeper in my own private thoughts and processing, but also to allow my public writing to reflect it. And it’s hard to know what to express publicly when you’re still sorting it out privately. I think that’s where a lot of pastors and other leaders have been over the past few years, but they don’t have time to stay at the crossroads. Their decision or lack of it will quickly put them into one of two camps: They will either choose to learn, repent, and grow in transparency before their audience or congregation, or they will waver, shrink back, and cave to pressure and the comfort zone. Whatever they decide will be on display for the world to see.

Events are happening faster than we can keep up with but we have got to take the time to sort things out in abiding, prayer, and quiet thinking so when the time comes for us to speak, our convictions are solidly set and we’re not wavering. We will either grow or stagnate; there’s no room for middle ground, buying time, and putting off public declarations of conviction.

Unity is hard to come by when we don’t know where leaders stand. But when we do, the body is a force to be reckoned with. Our church had zero harassment from the pro-choicers who went around disrupting local congregations on Sundays when Roe v. Wade was overturned. Maybe our church isn’t big enough to draw their attention; it definitely wasn’t because we’re soft on the prolife issue. Or maybe – I mean, maybe this is a just a coincidence, but just maybe it was the fact that around that same time, our elderly greeter who usually wears a hat that says HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY starting wearing a new one with an American flag, a gun, and the phrase “We don’t call 911” on it.

Solidarity, yo. Like I said: stronger together.

And the word gets out. Both our churches are growing in numbers, and dealing with the good problems that come along with higher attendance. We’re making an effort to adjust with excellence while not being slaves to perfectionism or analysis paralysis, because we worship the One who does all things well:

And they were astonished beyond measure, saying, “He has done all things well. He even makes the deaf hear and the mute speak.”

– Mark 7:37

We don’t gather to hibernate; we gather to grow. The prolific message has historically been the one with the most influence, and for half a century the church has been whispering in contrast to an enemy who’s had the bullhorn of every cultural sphere. (Don’t believe it’s been that long? It was sly at first. Look at your paycheck and find out how long ago it was that the government started removing part of it directly from people’s earnings. Hint: It was before World War 2…and World War 1.)

Are we too quiet? Are we too isolated? Because we need to be louder and be together, and if you didn’t pick up on it over the last few years, those values are in direct conflict with the agenda to mask and isolate people.

The most prolific message wins, and the odds in America have always in our favor. We just didn’t take advantage of them, and we abdicated the mic.

I’ve been reading about George Whitefield who changed the course of America before its founding, leading a revival as he preached twice a day and four times on Sunday, anywhere he could.

….but more than anything that would distinguish the faith of Whitefield and that would loft him into the empyrean realm of history changers was the simple fact that he was not too proud to go to people wherever they might be found. If the established churches would not receive him, he would like his master go out into the highways and byways; he would preach in prisons and anywhere else he might be received.

– Eric Metaxas, If You Can Keep It

Anywhere he might be received…have we given up too easily, Church?

….That what Whitefield set in motion has come to be known as the Great Awakening can hardly surprise us. For wherever he went – and he went everywhere – he preached and preached. And wherever he preached hundreds and thousands…came straggling to hear him and were changed by what he said. But it was not a mere mental assent to some theological doctrine. Many, like Benjamin Franklin, observed that people’s behavior changed. Church rolls swelled and those who had been merely filling pews on Sunday suddenly understood why they were there.

– Eric Metaxas, If You Can Keep It

We need to get the Word out – not as know it alls, but as those who can’t help sharing Who they’ve found and what they’ve seen. The quietness from the Church over the past decades reveals that the Church hasn’t actually found or seen that much to talk about.

But that time is over. Something new is happening.

The Church becomes like whatever it gazes at, and He wants our eyes on Him, personally and corporately. He is always first — not us, not our personal change, not our programs or works or even our repentance. Those are all natural occurrences after the one thing, which is seeing and loving and worshiping Him.

Then He will turn our gaze to the rest that He wants us to notice. And when we notice, we will preach from whatever pulpit He’s placed us in. It’s time to grab the mic again, Church. Pick up the pen. Gather and grow so the Word can get out. We are diamonds, catching His light and throwing it everywhere, but only because we gazed at Him first as He shined it upon us.

New to this series? Here’s part one and here’s part two.

P.S. Links for you this month!

  • Have you seen Jesus Revolution yet? We went last night and it was so good! Funny, real, passionate, great acting across the board, and no cheesiness whatsoever. The previews were the worst part of the whole experience (that’s a good time to take your middle schoolers to the bathroom). Highly recommend!
  • Gaining Ground update: We just started Return of the King last week and we’ll vote for the next round of books soon. Want in on this? Join us here for bookishness and memery as we get more books under our belts.
  • In a month of amazing sermons, here’s my favorite from February: one that many pastors are afraid to preach, and it was fire, and love, and boldness, and truth, no holds barred.
  • Want a unique piece of Alaska that you can wear? My friend started a new business and it’s amazing! Check out her work here – it would be super fun if you all depleted her inventory. ;)

the cost: a challenge to adoption agencies, from the families who are living it

Posted on by June 19, 2023

Thirty-seven thousand dollars. That’s how much it cost to adopt two of our children.

And that was – forgive me – a screaming deal. We adopted them at the same time, from the same country, on one adoption fee instead of two separate fees. Many adoptions cost that much or more just for one child.

the cost: a challenge to adoption agencies, from the families who are living it

Talking about the numbers and the money bothers me because children are not commodities. Ignorant people joke to adoptive families about buying or selling children, revealing their cluelessness about the reality of child trafficking. Adoption expenses are not a sale; it’s more like ransom money to get children out of institutions where they are languishing and put them into a family where they can heal.

And if you’ve adopted or have been a reader here for any length of time, you already know. Healing can take a long time.

And healing is worth it.

But here’s why I’m bringing up the money and numbers: Those costs do not come close to those incurred after adoption, literally and metaphorically. And people need to know that. People making insensitive jokes need to know; people thinking adoptive families get paid (what the what?!) need to know.

Potentially adoptive families need to know.

In discussing all the adoption costs with different agencies, it was never required (or even recommended) that we save for therapy. Personal health insurance was required, yes, but that doesn’t begin to cover the entire costs of therapy and counseling for multiple people in a family – parents, adoptive children, biological children – who undergo the turmoil, trauma, and secondary trauma those early adoptive years often involve. When you are replacing a destroyed mattress every six months for the first two years and repairing or replacing other damaged necessities, the copay for therapy becomes out of the question since it’s not a basic need.

We applied thousands of dollars to our international travel expenses. Hundreds of dollars were set aside to be converted to euro and lev just for meals. But also, it would have been good if we knew to set aside an account for therapy — $3000 to $5000 would have been a good start.

Why don’t adoption agencies require or recommend this? I mentioned it to a friend, and her response was, “They’ll never do it. Adoption agencies are making a sale, not equipping people for life after adoption.”

It sounds jaded, but from my experience I have to agree with her. Are we wrong? I hope adoption agencies will prove it.

It’s not just adoption agencies, though. Friends who adopted through foster care and private adoption said this:

NO ONE PREPARED US. And we know they knew. Other families were and are our saving grace in this area of support.

It would have taken just one home study writer or one agency worker thirty minutes to give us the real low down, and no one ever did.

I contacted our adoption agency three times about Upside Down after it gained the merit of being featured on Focus on the Family. I told them we hear from adoptive families all the time. Most of these families are desperate, and almost all of them tell us that Upside Down has the information they wish they had before they adopted. So I asked our adoption agency to consider making it one of their required (or at the very least, recommended) materials.

Three times I contacted them. Why three times? Because I never heard back. Not once.

We adopted two children with that agency. We are one of their families. And I never heard back.

Maybe my friend is right. Maybe they are more interested in the sale, and not interested in equipping families. Maybe they are concerned about losing a sale if they scare people off.

(Maybe, after the obligatory first two years of intrusive home visits by a 20-something social worker whose sole parenting experience was with her biological toddler in a two-income family, they figured we’d consumed the entire plethora of support they offered and we were on our own. Or maybe that was just us.)

But here’s the thing: If a family is easily scared off after reading a 100-page book or being told that part of the requirement for adoption is to save a few thousand dollars in an account for future therapy, those families should not be adopting in the first place. This is an easy filter.

I’ll be contacting that agency again soon, and several others also. We’ll see if the response is better this time. (UPDATE: After some emails back and forth over about 6 months, our former agency last told us they got a copy of the book and were still reviewing it — it’s a 40 minute read, front to back — and then declined to return my phone call or last email. So it sadly looks like they are in the business of selling adoptions, and not supporting adoptive families.) And if you are an adoptive family, you are welcome to contact your agency and recommend materials you wish you’d had when you were in process, too.

Meanwhile, though, what can we do for adoptive families now? How can we encourage and empower them, and help them toward wholeness? What can we offer to potential adoptive families who are rightly curious about what they might be signing up for?

We can be honest with them, because what we’ve learned hasn’t come cheap. We can be as transparent as possible while still honoring the privacy of our kids and families.

The core of adoption support is not going to come from professionals who don’t have personal adoption experience. Those services are basic and they can help, but the most impactful support to adoptive families is going to come from other adoptive families who have been there. If that weren’t the case, one of the most common things we hear from adoptive families wouldn’t be “I would never tell this to someone who hasn’t adopted, but I know you understand.”

But that’s what we hear, because we do understand. Nine years later, we’re still walking this out every day.

So here is some of that honesty from a mom who’s been there: Don’t Make Me Use My Mom Voice: Adoption, Attachment, & Discipline, a 1-hour training by yours truly. This was originally requested by an adoption agency who is actively equipping their families, and now we’re making it available to other adoptive (or potentially adoptive) families who need it. Foster families, too. This training will help you feel more equipped in all your parenting and relationships and personal wholeness.

We need people who have been where we are – and are still walking that road – to come alongside us and say, You’re not alone. You’re right, you really do know what you’re talking about even when you don’t feel like you know nearly enough to do this. This is really hard, but we’re going to get through it.

And that’s cheaper than therapy.

come together

Posted on by September 16, 2021

I was in the Old Testament, on the couch, and almost in a coma. Or, pretend we’re playing Clue: It was Mrs. Guerra, in the library, with the book of Leviticus. Out cold.

I had read this paragraph four times and still had no idea what it was about. One of those big, vague sounding words was repeated throughout it, and my eyes just glazed right over.

come together: how the church leads the culture

It was this one: Convocation.

So I finally looked it up, and the first entry was one of those super helpful ones that said “the act of convoking.”

Huh. Thanks a lot. If I knew what convoking was, I wouldn’t need you, Google.

Scrolling a little further, I found something better: “An assembly of persons called together for a meeting.” That made more sense. And for bonus points, it said it’s from the Latin word “convocare” which means to call or come together.

Like so:

The Lord spoke to Moses, saying, “Speak to the people of Israel and say to them, These are the appointed feasts of the Lord that you shall proclaim as holy convocations; they are my appointed feasts.

– Leviticus 23:1-2, ESV

I ran this all by Vin, who was next to me on the couch reading about the Free Burma Rangers in Mosul. He, too, was doing research.

“So, it’s an Entmoot,” he summarized.

Exactly. They could’ve just said that in the first place. (Take note, Google.)

Formally, a convocation is a special thing – a ceremony, or some event of special recognition. In my church (and maybe yours) we don’t hear this word hardly ever. But informally, in practice, we do it every week. Sometimes several times a week.

We come together.

Unless, suddenly, we’re told not to.

And at first, okay, that seemed like a good idea – let’s step back and see what this pandemic is really about, while the Powers That Be get things figured out.

But we’re past that. This is months later, when the Powers That Be have manipulated data and shown that this is no longer about a pandemic – pandemics, of course, not generally having a 99.99 survival rate and being less of a threat than the seasonal flu.

No, this is not about a pandemic. This is about a test. Some places are passing it, and others are failing.

I said this before on social media, but for the record I’ll put it here on my own site.

With my mom voice, and all my love:

The Church needs to stop letting the government and media lead the culture in fear, and step up to take its place to lead the culture in victory.

We don’t follow the culture, we follow Jesus. He’s the one calling the shots.

We lead the culture, not the other way around. If we do not take responsibility for our calling, others will be (and have been) happy to step in and take it for us.

History belongs to those who pray. Victory belongs to the bold who obey.

We do not take our cues from the culture — we are meant to take a stand. We are the light on a hill. We need to act like it.

I’ve heard Christians condemn other Christians for calling this “persecution” – because if you compare this to what they call “real” persecution experienced all over the world, like what the Free Burma Rangers see, it doesn’t even come close.

And, okay. That’s true.

But what is also true is that in many places, this is how that started.

What do you think comes after prohibitive restrictions on gatherings, worship, and other church activity? If we don’t know history, we are condemned to repeat it.

Pretty early on, a church in California was threatened with jail time for holding services. Read it here. These threats have nothing to do with health, they are completely about intimidation – and they are absolutely illegal and unconstitutional.

And if that reminds you of someone else who likes to use powerless intimidation to see what he can get away with, that’s no coincidence.

Now war arose in heaven, Michael and his angels fighting against the dragon. And the dragon and his angels fought back, but he was defeated, and there was no longer any place for them in heaven. And the great dragon was thrown down, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world—he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him.

– Revelation 12:7-9

[Jesus] disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him.

– Colossians 2:15

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.

– 1 Peter 5:8-9

The churches who are leading will prioritize their mission over government mandates. We do not ask permission to meet. A quick read through the US Constitution – and it’s less than 20 pages, so there’s no excuse to not know it – will show you that we have every right to come together.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

– The First Amendment in the US Constitution

The Church leads by meeting. Not by going with the flow, waiting for the next mandate, and then creating alternative ways to congregate without rocking the boat. The Church leads by following Jesus, not by following the government.

 When the large crowd of the Jews learned that Jesus was there, they came, not only on account of him but also to see Lazarus, whom he had raised from the dead. So the chief priests made plans to put Lazarus to death as well, because on account of him many of the Jews were going away and believing in Jesus.

– John 12:9-11

That’s the kind of an impact we should have. Our life and vitality should be a threat to those who want to suppress the Kingdom, and an attraction to those who want to be a part of it. That’s how we lead a culture toward healing and redemption.

But others are still waiting for permission, instead of following their commission.

Nevertheless, many even of the authorities believed in him, but for fear of the Pharisees they did not confess it, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue; for they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.

– John 12:42-43

And this is the real test: We can lead by following Jesus and coming together, or we can pretend to lead by following dictates and waiting for the next shoe to drop.

We can lead by doing our research and standing firm, or we can keep thinking Oh, this isn’t real persecution, while forgetting that the difference between this and what the Free Burma Rangers are seeing is only a matter of a few more steps.

Don’t believe me? Look at Portland. Look at other big cities. Look at Kenosha, Wisconsin.

This isn’t about a pandemic, but most of you already know that. This is about a culture at war – greatly because it’s also about a Church who has, in many places, capitulated.

But this is still the time for holy convocation. For an Entmoot. For gathering, and connecting, and praying, and teaching. For learning and growing and sharing.

And when the Church does that, it impacts the government, and the nation, and culture at large. And that is how it should go – not the other way around.