a union full of grace

It’s our 17th anniversary. We have the day off, but nothing planned – I think we’re hoping for an extra midweek Sabbath, of sorts. I love this man and our life together; our success has been hard-fought and full of grace, and little credit goes to either of us because we messed up right and left in our first several years of marriage, and spent the next several trying to detangle it all.

a union full of grace: truth about rejoicing and mourning

We are so grateful, and yet we know that there are others close to us that are hurting and raw in this area. How do you celebrate anything without rubbing salt in the wounds of others who are in pain?

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.

– Romans 12:3-6a

We praise the achievements of advanced students while we recognize the struggle of those who fight hard just to remember the process of long division. We cheer for families who experience great triumph while we honor those who are still in the trial of their lives. We rejoice at healings, while holding the hands of those who are still in the hospital bed.

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

– Romans 12:10-12

As I finished writing last night’s post, we learned that cancer took a family member with the finality that left my beautiful cousin without her husband. We celebrate our anniversary this year with sobriety in the awareness that life is far too short sometimes.

Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

– Romans 12:13-15

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Lord, I’m praying tonight for those who are hurting – that You would comfort them and protect them from the lies of the enemy; that those who are going through loss would know that You are not done with them yet, that their story is not finished, and that Your plans for them are wondrous and good in spite of anything the enemy has thrown at them. I’m praying for hope, for encouragement, for truth, for healing…for purity in marriages and health in families everywhere.

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Life is messy and full of hurt sometimes. We think beauty resides in the ideal – the poster-child family, the picturesque life – and it does, but that beauty is surface deep and often fleeting. We look, we admire, and we walk away. We move on, as through a shop full of beautiful curios.

We look twice, though, at the beauty forged in life’s gritty crucible, that grace that makes us stop in our tracks: the child who learns to read in spite of multiple diagnoses, the couple who makes it through infidelity and scandal to ministering to other marriages, the grieving spouse who climbs out of devastating loss to find joy again. We admire the tenacity and steadfastness of those who turned shame on its head and walked out warriors. We pause, we think, we stop and stare, as in a museum of heroes and heirlooms – none flawless, all scarred from age and wear, having earned their stripes in the trenches. Full of grace, they display the awful truth that rejoicing and mourning go together, creating the alloy called victory.

without ceasing button

This is day 14 of Without Ceasing: 31 Days of Relentless Prayer. Find the other posts here. To get new posts right in your inbox, subscribe here.

without ceasing: 31 days of relentless prayer

without ceasing: relentless prayer (31 days series from Copperlight Wood)

*Most of this series is now found in Oh My Soul: Encountering God in Honest, Unconventional (and Sometimes Messy) Prayer and is available for purchase at Amazon and anywhere books are sold.

day 2: every second

day 3: gentle dynamite

day 4: lighting a fire

day 5: prepared for us

day 6: stirred, not shaken

day 7: this peace is for you

day 8: storming the castle

day 9: battleground

day 10: leap, and trust

day 11: give me a sign

day 12: wait

day 13: aloud

day 14: a union full of grace

day 15: before Jericho

day 16: turn it over

day 17: tell me where to go

day 18: a path which few can tell

day 19: steadfast

day 20: all things for good

day 21: on our watch

day 22: for a generation to come

day 23: about time

day 24: behold, we live

day 25: patience with joy

day 26: finishing well

day 27: filling the house

day 28: grace note

day 29: epic: when God redeems your story

day 30: called: who we are at the end of our story

day 31: redirect: He speaks in the surrender

not alone

It’s all the same. Whether your assignment is to give a kitten a bath, dose them with de-wormer, or remove their head from a tight spot they’ve gotten it stuck in, you follow these directions (or a close variation) every single time:

Collect a few towels.

Put a fresh box of bandages nearby.

Arm yourself with your widest range of Christian-approved profanity.

And get ready to rumble.

Or, take the alternative to all that: Wait until your husband is home, and make him do it.

But I went with the first option, and learned that God made kittens adorable so you could forgive them when they draw blood with their little-bitty meathooks. All over my right hand, between fingers, around the side of my palm…only two of the gashes were in a spot that could actually be covered. An awkwardly-placed band-aid protected the awkwardly-placed wounds, but a good part of the damage had to be exposed because to cover it would cause more pain than it was worth.

not alone: first aid for adoptive families (Copperlight Wood)

There’s no one-size-fits-all process with kids, with adoption, or with special needs, though. No quick-fix band-aid covers the bleeding, and when we hide all the wounds people assume there is no problem in the first place. We walk a fine line between transparency and privacy, praying that people remember that they can’t see it all, even when so much seems to be public and on display.

Many adoptive and special needs families feel alone. They are misunderstood. Frequently under attack and struggling with depression. Often churches, family members, organizations and professionals make well-meaning attempts without really knowing how to help. It feels incredibly helpless and frustrating when the resources that are in place to help families actually end up causing more pain out of ignorance or pride. Or both.

A lot of these families – more than you might think – eventually quit going to church. It ought not to be this way.

Some of the damage has to be exposed because covering it causes more harm than healing.

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Last spring I wrote a series about this, and every day during the weeks it went live I received emails from adoptive parents, family members, and organizations about how it was impacting families working through attachment.

They realized they weren’t alone.

They realized their situation was common, but rarely talked about.

And they realized there were different ways to communicate their family’s very special needs to the communities around them that they desperately needed support from. In turn, some of these communities started to understand adoptive families a little better, and they began rallying around them with advocacy – while respecting those oh-so-important boundaries that were in place for their child’s healing, of course.

The blog series turned into an eBook, revised and expanded with resources and links throughout. Not too expanded, though – it still sits as an easy read at 49 pages total, all in one place.

It’s called Upside Down and it offers hope for adoptive and foster families (and the lowdown for those who love them) in roughly 100 pages.

Because you are not alone. We are covered, but we don’t have to be in hiding.

 

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