Category Archives: homesteading

groundwork: when spring seems a long time coming

Posted on by April 28, 2023

It is fully spring: the air is warm, the geese are back, and we put away all the snow gear and broke out the flip flops. Yep, it’s totally spring out there, except…no leaves yet. Not a sprig of new green anywhere. Everything’s still brown, but at least that means the snow has fully, finally receded.

Inside, almost eighty quail eggs are in the incubator in our bathroom, humming along in their little racks, waiting until hatch day in a couple weeks. And in this short, brown space between snow and summer, we’re strategizing fencing and gardening spaces outside: Do we fence the garden, or do we fence the chickens?

groundwork: when spring seems a long time coming -- Shannon Guerra

We had decided on the chickens, giving them a couple of paddock spaces to alternate between so they only destroy half the woods at a time while the other half recovers. But then we had a visitor this morning and now we’re rethinking the garden, because Peter Rabbit is back.

Grrrr. I wonder if we can just fence him…and find him a wife.

But there are other spring things, too. The boys and I planted a bunch of sunflowers and veggies in starter trays, and I’m inquiring about blue, green, and dark brown fertilized eggs so we can hatch those once the quail are done (because, #chickengoals). So yes, it is brown outside but we know other colors are coming, and we’re doing what we can to help them emerge.

Isn’t this what we do? I don’t see progress yet so give me something to do to hurry it along. Waiting is the worst. W-U-R-S-T, worst. We’re waiting for healing or income or favor or direction, and the watched pot is not boiling, the leaves are not unfurling. This season is too long, taking forever, and we have things we want to get to.

Speaking of wanting to see progress in seemingly fruitless endeavors, I’m cleaning off the counter – Legos, Sunday school artwork, the toaster, a bunch of pens and colored pencils. Some headphones. I go round and round this island finding more things that don’t belong here, putting some of them in their right places but most of them in a pile for the boys to put away because it’s all their stuff. SO MANY LEGOS. And books, and magazines, and miscellaneous treasures.

I wipe down the counter. I sit on the couch and finish my coffee. I turn back around to admire the clean kitchen island, and behold, from out of nowhere, a Lego speeder has landed on it.

How did that get there? I have no idea. Why did I bother cleaning in the first place?

What is the point? Are we making any progress, or getting anywhere?

It’s odd because we spend all summer and fall preparing for winter – storing supplies, gathering the harvest, making sure we have the essentials for a storm – but then we spend all winter dreaming of spring, and spring has to be prepared for, too. It’s this circle of learning and growing and failing and achieving, and then starting over again.

But we’re not starting all over, back at the beginning, because each time the cycle restarts, our soil is richer. We remember the things we tried last year, and how they fared (or flopped) and those considerations get added in like so much compost.

And that’s good to keep in mind because this afternoon I’m reading to the kids and this is our…(hold on, doing the math…) nineteenth year of homeschool (WHAT) and I’ve been scouring our library again for good books for 3rd and 4th grade. The books aren’t hard to find; we have a houseful of them. The problem is that I have been teaching 3rd and 4th grade to one kiddo for about that many years straight and it doesn’t feel like we’re getting anywhere. We have a similar problem with another kid who’s in her fourth year of second grade math. How many easy readers of great quality can you find, and assign over and over and over, until we’re ready for the next level? How many different second grade workbooks can we go through before the concepts finally stick enough to move on to the next grade? The answer is as long as a piece of string.

I have these two little boys though, and there’s freshness here because all the favorite old stories their siblings have read to tatters over the last nineteen years are new to them: Little House, the McGuffey readers, Paddington Bear. Finn sits next to me reading aloud as I stitch granny squares, and we go round and round and round as he strings the words together.

I have been through this book five times already and I know these stories. For almost two decades they’ve been the same words, but the kids reading them are different and I am different, too, sitting here listening to them. I just keep stitching these squares, and they are also the same thing over and over, just variations in color. The stack of squares is slowly accumulating.

We blame kids for constantly asking “Are we there yet?” but really, this is one of the mantras of adulthood. Are we making any progress when it feels like everything is still brown and bare? Are we doing this right?

Later it’s Reagan’s turn, and I wait for her to read her verse aloud. Her pauses take forever between words because she approaches each one as though it’s brand new, never been seen before, practically in a different language. And it might as well be, even though she’s been through this book twice now. There’s nothing else I can do while she’s plodding through it, because if I turn my attention away, she’s even slower.

Seconds between words. Loooong strings of seconds in this long, long verse that she’s not even halfway through. I hear the boys upstairs playing in their room, and wonder what they’re doing.

Pray for her while you wait, God says. You’re an intercessor, remember? This is what you do.

I have been praying for her for eleven years. I have prayed in circles, round and round, a lot of the same things but with slight variation. I know we’re getting somewhere, I’m just not sure where it is. It reminds me of the citrus trees in my office that I’ve been told may never bear fruit – they’re taller and taller every year, but still, no buds or blooming. I grabbed the shears yesterday and pruned them anyway, believing for the impossible and working toward it. And one of these days, maybe I’ll have lemons or limes to show you.

But sometimes the timing and progress of things starts to mess with our identity, tweaking our attention in the wrong directions. When that happens, our perspective gets out of whack as we think the slowness means things it doesn’t: I’m a bad gardener, I don’t know what I’m doing, I can’t win for losing.

We think we know who we are, but we don’t understand what God is doing with us or why He’s allowing certain events or what the delay is all about.

I am a mom. A special needs mom, a homeschooling mom, a mom of many. When the kids are doing well, I think I’m doing well. When the tomatoes and lettuce are growing, I think I’m a pretty good gardener. But when the spinach bolts or the rabbit cleans out the broccoli or a kid makes lousy choices, I’m back to looking at bare earth, and chewed branches, and I wonder when fruit is coming. I wonder if I am being the me I’m supposed to be.

So what’s going on when things still feel the same, like we’re thrown right back to the beginning?

The Lord is saying, Stop looking at the branches and the dirt, Love. Look at Me. Eyes on Me.

I am the vine, you are the branches; the one who remains in Me, and I in him bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.

– John 15:5

So many times I have looked in the wrong direction and put my identity and value in outcomes and output, rather than remembering that I am a vessel the Spirit flows through. When I look toward where I expect fruit to be, I kink the flow. But when I look at Him, I am a conduit He surges through, irrigating infinite gardens yet unseen.

A wise friend explained it this way:

“…my heart needs to expand and firm up to carry more of God’s goodness to others…[but] He’s just pouring water through the channel and every day my heart is subtly increasing in capacity to care in ways I never imagined.”

– Katie

When we’re abiding and surrendered, here’s what the slowness really means: While we are waiting and preparing, He is preparing us. We are becoming more able, more equipped, more filled.

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

— 1 Peter 1:9

Our reach is deeper and wider. We’re not just stitching in rounds, but in fractals. He is doing the work in us for expansion.

We do not make blankets, we make stitches…but the stitches make blankets, when you stick it out long enough. We look ahead to harvests, and different colors of eggs, and hutches full of quail. All these things, still unseen.

Now faith is the certainty of things hoped for, a proof of things not seen….And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for the one who comes to God must believe that He exists, and that He proves to be One who rewards those who seek Him.

– Hebrews 11:1, 6

We prepare for warmth in winter by making granny squares in spring. And in all of our preparing, He is preparing us.

We know what’s coming. The testimony of every year declares itself when spring unfurls, leaves bursting out everywhere, and we see how He’s shown up and brought victory.

Are we there yet? No, maybe not. But He hasn’t left us going around in circles on a flat plane. We are going in spirals, upward.

should’ve known: regret, discouragement, & learning to forgive ourselves

Posted on by March 23, 2023

It took about six months before it looked like anything was happening. Finally, the seed pit split open and the tiniest sprout emerged.

And then it got taller. And taller. It leafed out, and stretched, and the sun shone through its veins.

should've known: regret, discouragement, and learning to forgive ourselves

And then a cat ate it.

OH NO YOU DIDN’T. (Yes. Yes, she did.)

I should’ve known. This is not the first avocado tree I’ve tried to grow; the last ones survived for a few years but then we got kittens who inflicted several months of repeated attacks on them. Those kittens (who are my darlings now, but this was before they knew Jesus) climbed the avocado plants, ate their leaves, slept in the base of the pot, knocked them into the bathtub…and after so many repottings and replantings, the last remaining one’s stem finally broke in a climactic dive (er, push) off the end table.

So this time I should’ve protected it. I saw those vulnerable new leaves and should’ve covered it because I know what the elements are.

But I didn’t. I was lazy, or I forgot, or I was distracted with a million other things. I thought I could get away with it this time. And now the plant was a stub. Demolished. Months of watering and waiting made worthless.

Have you ever worked so hard and waited so long to see the fruition of your work, and then you finally start to get a glimpse of victory and accomplishment, and someone comes by and cuts it down? It doesn’t have to be literal destruction; it can be the voice of an accuser who says aloud the doubts you’re already fighting in your head. Wow, they see it, too. I must really be a failure. That wasn’t really the confirmation I was looking for.

Even worse than the discouragement is the regret that we should’ve done something differently to prevent it. We should have had better boundaries. We should’ve held our ground. We should’ve done more research, or spent more time with our kids, or forgiven faster, or paid more attention, or worked a little harder. We should’ve known better. Or worse, we did know better, and that’s why it burns so badly. Yes, there was an attacker who destroyed this, and the attacker was us.

Our thoughts grow dim and overcast. The sun is going down and we sit in the darkness, forgetting to turn the lamp on.

Do you see what happens here? We start to take too much blame. Yes, we are responsible for our part, but we are not responsible for everything else. We are not responsible for the elements. We are not responsible how other people (including children, spouses, cats…) respond to those elements. We cannot predict the future. We did know better, but we did not know everything.

And yes, we can always do better – but if we always did better, we would be perfect, and if we were perfect, would we need Jesus so badly? Probably not.

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?

– Romans 6:1-2

Too much regret and discouragement makes us forget that the Lord is in the business of redemption. We would never say it this way but somewhere along the line we fell for the lie that we are all powerful, therefore all outcomes are our responsibility. And that sounds like sin, like the enemy made headway in convincing us that we were God. If we are despairing in regret — even regret over our sin — we are not trusting God for redemption.

So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness.

– Romans 6:11-13

We are to present ourselves to God as those who’ve been brought from death to life, because He says so. “Present” here means yield, or appear – we do not address ourselves as failures because He has made us instruments for righteousness…or in other words, weapons of justice. (Go ahead and check the Greek.) We cannot be weapons of justice if we are just to others but simultaneously unjust to ourselves, and we cannot worship God as the One worthy of all praise if we still think we’re responsible for everything that’s going wrong in our situation.

We can only make our part right, not other people’s responses and choices. We influence the outcome, but we don’t decide it.

Why do we sit here in the dark, brooding?

If we believe in God’s forgiveness for others, then we need to believe it for ourselves, too. It’s not a feeling; it’s Scripture. We know that we’ve confessed and repented, and we know that God says He is faithful to forgive. So we need to trust that a) He does what He says He does, and b) He has higher standards than we do. Because doesn’t it seem a little arrogant when people are more strict than God is, as though they are more responsible than He is?

The Lord said something to me during worship in church last week:

Your kids need to see you focused on Me, not just interceding for them. Intercession is good but it’s not a substitute for your own worship. They need to see you engaged with Me. Can you trust Me to speak to them in those moments, to work in them and protect them? Because if you feel like you’re the one who’s always responsible, you’ll take more blame for their mistakes and more credit for their victories than you should. Worshiping Me means surrendering your kids to Me.

And a light started to dawn. After years of constant hyper vigilance even during worship, I laid that residual control freakiness aside and found new freedom in looking at Him.

The Lord knows our tendency to despond in the darkness, and He gave us this passage as one of the strongest antidotes to it:

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness [gentleness] be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

– Philippians 4:4-7

Our regrets and anxieties over them are things we can bring to God in thankfulness, confident that He hears us and redeems us and does something about it.

And that’s a good start, but He wasn’t done yet. He knows we can be a little slow to pick up on things, so for our sanity’s sake he made Paul spell it out for us:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

– Philippians 4:8-9

We were never meant to stay in the darkness, repining about everything that has gone wrong and still might go even worse. We give far too much attention to the enemy when we do so.

To them pain and mishap present a far wider range of possibilities than gladness and enjoyment; their imagination is almost barren of the images that feed desire and hope, but is all overgrown by recollections that are a perpetual pasture to fear.

– George Eliot, from Silas Marner

Where can we find something lovely? Sometimes it’s not obvious, especially when we’re sitting in the dark. But it’s always worth searching for. If we get in the habit of thinking on the honorable and excellent things, our mind won’t continually default to should’ve and all the fear, dread, and regret when something goes wrong. We need images that feed desire and hope.

The stub of my avocado plant still had a few tiny leaves along the stem. And hey, did you know that avocado plants are supposed to be pruned after they get about six inches tall?

So this was an early pruning (cough) but hopefully, maybe, possibly not dire. What if I gave it more time? What is there to lose? It’s been six months already, so what’s another few weeks to see if something new emerges?

Can you imagine what we miss out on when we forget to look for what is true, or just, or lovely? How hopeless life would be if we took every discouragement as the finality of failure.

Can you imagine how sad sunsets would be if we didn’t realize the sun would be right back tomorrow morning?

What if we didn’t know, and we stood there in the cold and the dark, waiting for hours…and hours…and nothing. We’d keep watching where it went down but it would seem hopeless, no activity there except increasing darkness.

And then, if we waited long enough, we would realize there was light emerging behind us.

We would turn around and realize — oh joy! — there’s the sun again! We had just been facing the wrong direction, and almost gave up before the sunrise.

And now – here’s some redemption – we are listening better. We’re paying closer attention to His nudges and we’re looking for what’s lovely and true and excellent. We don’t want to miss His leading, we don’t want to blow off the Holy Spirit’s wisdom and warnings, because now we know better.

That avocado stem was just a ridiculous, ugly stick in the dirt. But I covered it with a vase and waited a couple weeks. It wasn’t dying, at least. And after a while, the leaf nearest the top did seem to be a little bigger. And then even bigger.

And then it looked like multiple leaves.

I turned the pot around to see it better.

And the leaf hadn’t just grown out, it had grown a new stem.

In sunrises and springtime God has made nature a reminder to us that light and life are ahead, and it cries out, Beloved! You can start over when all looks lost.

P.S. Dealing with serious discouragement? Don’t miss this post.

first things, part one: how we pray to heal the land

Posted on by February 17, 2023

Kav is sitting at the counter, staring blankly at his toast.

“The air makes my eyes blink,” he said.

I know, kid. Mornings are hard. The air makes my eyes blink, too.

The sun is rising earlier in the mornings now and setting later in the afternoons, and there’s a reckless feeling of freedom and hope that goes along with it after the shortest, darkest days of winter. We still have two months of snow left but we’re on the downhill slope of it and picking up steam.

first things, part one: how we pray to heal the land -- Shannon Guerra

You know what else is picking up steam? Crazy events around the world. I mean, we thought 2020 was nuts, but every year since seems to have taken it as a challenge to outdo the buffoonery of the one before. Talk about things that are hard and make your eyes blink: What can you do about a government that detonates chemical weapons in the heart of its own farmland?

It’s expected to affect at least 10% of America’s water supply. Fish, livestock, and pets are dying, people are getting sick, and many are afraid they’ve lost their homes forever. The mainstream media isn’t talking about it and has been trying to distract us with aliens instead because they think Americans are stupid (and for once they’re not completely wrong). It’s Look Here, Not There, because otherwise people will notice real things that are happening, like names being released of those who visited Epstein’s pedophile island, the beginning of World War 3, and, oh yeah, how the government has drastically escalated the sabotage of the US food supply.

But you won’t know about most of that if you’re getting your news from “the news,” which is exactly what they’re hoping for. Because, look! Aliens!

Since we do know, though, what can we do? How do we heal the land even while entities are actively trying to destroy it?

We can look at our own soil, and go back to the first things: We can pray. We can get in the Word. And we can get the Word out.

As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience.

– Luke 8:15

It’s not common anymore, but every once in a while you hear about land that is so fertile you just have to throw seeds at the dirt and abundant, massive crops spring out of it. Giant tomatoes. Huge pumpkins. I’m not talking about the stuff made from junky, synthetic fertilizers; I’m talking about the good soil that has been nurtured and fed through cycles of work and rest. You can practically throw pennies into the dirt and dollars burst out of it.

It’s similar to how there have been seasons that were uniquely favorable for particular vocations or endeavors. You know, those times in history when something was almost a no-fail prospect because business was so good or demand was so high, the connections came together flawlessly and opportunities aligned. Those who raked in the windfall may have taken credit for the massive success, but they really only happened to be placed into it by the grace of God since, in the given circumstances, it would’ve taken a very special kind of idiot to fail.

And this is the time we are living in, for intercessors. And that means you who already know you are intercessors, and also those of you who are tempted to tune me out right now because you don’t think I’m talking about you. But I am.

Other evils there are that may come; for Sauron is himself but a servant or emissary. Yet it is not our part to master all the tides of the world, but to do what is in us for the succour of those years wherein we are set, uprooting the evil in the fields that we know, so that those who live after may have clean earth to till.

– J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

You know what makes fertile soil? Lots of manure, but it has to be stewarded well. And that’s a good picture of our calling in these days.

Our hearts are to be the fertile soil, where situations drop in and we bear fruit no matter what. And that can feel heavy, like striving, unless we remember that we only bear fruit through abiding – and then we realize it is less about doing and more about being.

We are to be in proximity to the Lord, and not as a passive Yes-of-course-God-is-always-with-me knowledge, but as an intimacy that feels the impact of Someone’s presence. You know how when someone walks in the room and you immediately look over because you felt a shift in the atmosphere? You know how when someone across the room looks at you, and you sense it, and you look back? That’s the kind of proximity we’re talking about. We are abiding with the One who changes the atmosphere. His eye is on us, and we are looking back.

Now that we’ve established that, we can move on to the big question we couldn’t answer before. So, here it is:

How can we pray when events feel too big, too hopeless? How can we heal the land?

One obvious answer is in this verse:

…if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

— 2 Chronicles 7:14

And that’s a great start. But if we’re honest, it’s maybe a little too familiar to some of us and way too unfamiliar for the rest.

So what else should we know? How can we pray? How did Jesus equip us for such a time as this?

I read the story of Jesus and the Centurion to my kids this week. You probably know it; the Centurion’s servant is sick and he asks Jesus to heal him, so Jesus offers to come to his house. But the Centurion says that’s not necessary because he understands how authority works: You tell someone to do something, and they do it. There’s no question, no wondering if they’re going to obey, it’s as simple as one number following the next. The man was a leader over a hundred soldiers (that’s what a Centurion is) and he knew what he was talking about.

Keep that in mind as we look at one of the wild things Jesus said:

“Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.

– John 14:12-14

Why did He say we would do greater things than He did? I’m not totally sure, but I think at least partly it was because He knew we would be living in days that required greater things. In Biblical times they had corrupt leaders, too, but they didn’t have governments detonating chemical weapons on their own land and poisoning entire water systems. They didn’t have our dependence on electricity and other utilities. They didn’t have the threat of nuclear war.

So let’s look at a few things Jesus did that we may be able to apply to greater things in prayer:

  • He did many things multiple times: raised the dead, fed the multitudes, cast out demons, healed the sick, made the blind see, made the deaf hear, made the lame walk.
  • He calmed the seas. And this is interesting because in Matthew this story is shared just ten verses after the story of the Centurion that we just talked about, and He asks, “Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Sorta like He was asking, Weren’t you paying attention? You need to start applying this.

And we do, too.

We can pray and direct wind currents, and command contaminants to be gone. We can take authority over the principalities and powers that have corrupted our churches and institutions. We can pray purity into contaminated water. We can pray for eyes to be opened and evil to be exposed. We can pray for the deaf to hear and people to come to know Jesus like never before. We can take authority over our food supply and cancel the works of the enemy who continues to sabotage it.

That same enemy will hiss at you about how foolish this is. His snarling accusations are a cover for the terror he lives in because he knows what happens when God’s people pray with authority. He knows what happens when people know the Word and say “It is written.” He knows what happens when people stop worshiping their own comfort and what other people think about them, and start doing the things God tells them to. He knows he loses ground fast. The fields are white for harvest.

For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.

For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.

– 1 Corinthians 1:25-29

Not only did Jesus say we will do greater things than He did, but He emphasized twice right after that that when we ask in His name, He will do it. This isn’t about us being in authority over Jesus; this is about us being a conduit for His authority. He is eager to grant prayer that is aligned with His will. So it only becomes a question of knowing His will, and that goes right back to abiding and being in His word.

So now let’s look again at that scripture about healing the land, because things are starting to come together:

…if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

— 2 Chronicles 7:14

Alright, we’ll take it one piece at a time: We are called by His name. We are humbling ourselves, unafraid to look foolish to the world. We are learning to pray and seek His face; we are in the Word and living in what it says. And we are turning from our wicked ways…wait, wait, wait.

We’re not that wicked, are we? Let’s put aside the obvious sins for a minute and consider: Have we worshiped our own ease? Have we abdicated responsibility and authority to others (like the government, or even church leaders) that we should’ve been doing ourselves? Have we slacked off in intercession? Have we thought “pray without ceasing” was a well-intentioned but unreasonable suggestion, instead of a clear command?

Ohhh. So maybe we do have some wicked ways to turn from. Maybe there’s more room to move.

The best time to do it was years ago, but the next best time is now.

The good news is it’s a fast repentance; no hoops to jump through, no paperwork to fill out, no waiting in line. Jesus, we’re sorry for worshiping what was comfortable. We’re sorry for waiting to intercede until the pain hit too close to home. We’re sorry for neglecting the harvest.

We’re ready to go back to the first things, so we can do greater things.

There is a move afoot, a reckless feeling of freedom and hope that is picking up steam. The One who shifts the atmosphere and has our eye is eager to teach us how to be better conduits of His authority, shaming the wise, and uprooting the evil in the fields that we know.

Part 2 is coming next week, and it’s about reading the Bible and filling the pantry of our soul. Subscribe here to get it right to your inbox.