It’s that time again. Meaning, it’s been a couple years since I last repaired it, and once again our cats have littered our duvet with several tears from their cute little claws.
And because sometimes I go out of my way to make a simple solution more complex, rather than just sewing it with the machine like I did the last time, I thought it would be brilliant to make some gorgeous scrappy patches for it, à la Pinterest.
The method: Determine color scheme. Gather fabric scraps. Waste time perusing the internet for ideas, under the guise of research.
And finally, pick up a piece of grey cotton, and hold the scissors against it.
Angle the scissors this way and that. Try to imagine the finished shape I’m going for.
Hem and haw, uncertain.
Aaaaand I’m stalling, doing nothing…and I realize I’m actually afraid to cut into the fabric.
Why? It’s just a small piece of unused material. It’s not like I’m ruining anything if I make a mistake.
But no, making a cut means a tiny bit of commitment. It means I’m officially starting this project. And it means the possibility of error, of ending up with something I don’t like, of eventually tossing these efforts into the trash bin.
And that’s the real crux of my hesitation.
I’m afraid to make this cut because I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m afraid it will be ugly, that it will be a waste of fabric, time, attention.
Holy Spirit corrects me: It’s not a waste. It’s never a waste. It’s how the process works, and you are learning.
And hey, Love…you’re making it out of scraps, anyway.
He’s right, of course. This is a project pulled together from scraps of material, worked on in scraps of time.
And the first try is ugly. A mess. Wrong stitches, wrong placements.
But this is how we learn: By trying. By making the cut.
Part of the problem was that my cuts were too small, too safe, too conservative. I was trying to not use too much fabric or make the pieces too big.
Why do we do this? The Lord offers freedom and gives us so much creative material to use. But whether it’s perfectionism, procrastination, overthinking, or fear of what others will think, we often hesitate and hold back, entertaining all the wrong what ifs.
But why are we afraid to waste what is already dedicated to burn?
For through the law I died to the law, so that I might live to God. I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
– Galatians 2:19-20
If we have really laid ourselves down, determined to die to self and let Him be Lord and live through us, why do we keep trying to jump off the altar? Why do we keep trying to determine how hot the fire gets, and to control the burning?
Maybe we use the phrase “making the cut” in the wrong way. We think it means approval, that we’re allowed to stay in the game, that we’re good enough. And that’s the problem right there.
In Jesus, we already have approval. We’re already in the game. He has made us good enough, because it was never about us being able to meet a particular standard.
It’s always been about Jesus being the standard.
So really, making the cut is about our willingness to move forward in that freedom. We invest the talent, the time, the materials, the effort. We risk the unknown outcomes, and lay down our desire to be seen as flawless and infallible, rather than burying ourselves safely where we don’t even accrue interest.
Will we mess up? Yes!
Will Jesus be shocked, dismayed, and disappointed? No.
We make something beautiful by daring to try. We may not start perfectly – we might need to undo, redo, and repent.But we use it all, our whole life, and we don’t hold back to preserve what’s meant to revert to dust anyway.
And then we find that instead of a stifled lifestyle that ties us up in knots of stress and perfectionism and anxiety, focused on self-preservation and lack, we are walking in Kingdom culture. Our lives breathe the Kingdom in vulnerability and discernment as we are willing to risk honesty and transparency with others.
Can I ask…where have you been hesitating? To what material have you been holding the scissors to, afraid to make the cut? And what is the fear you’re fighting? If you can identify it, you can move forward faster.
I’d love to hear your thoughts if you need help untangling this; just reply to this email.
Personally, Vin and I have made several “cuts” in the last few weeks as the Lord has brought clarity and certainty to us about a shift we’ve been sensing. We’ve arranged meetings and asked for advice and counsel. We’ve said things out loud that surprised us. And it’s all been good – don’t panic, I’m not getting ready to drop a scandalous announcement – but it has also pressed us (at least, me) into a new level of bold surrender.
Are you ready for a soft announcement?
We’re moving toward full-time ministry, which means we are also moving into being fully donor-supported. Still writing, still sharing, but with less paywalls and prices. Less business, more availability for the needs God is putting right in front of us…whether they are local or in our inbox.
We are using it all, our whole life, to help people live out Kingdom culture, deep and wide.
He himself granted that some are apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until all of us come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, to the measure of the full stature of Christ.
— Ephesians 4:11-13
As a result, we’re even more focused on wholeness and healing, and we’re asking for monthly partnerships to help us do the work of expanding Kingdom culture, so we can still do other exciting things like pay the mortgage and buy groceries.
Many of you already support us through monthly or yearly subscriptions, and we’re so grateful for you. If you’d like to increase that giving or become a monthly supporter, you can mail donations to our address below, or donate through Buy Me A Coffee or Zelle (our email there is contact@vinceguerra.com). We’re still fleshing this out and will have more info to share soon….thanks so much for helping us make this cut.
To anticipate one question: We are not (and won’t be) a non-profit, and we will continue saying whatever God leads us to, whether the government or other entities like it or not.
As for the duvet, I’m just handstitching it. Forget Pinterest. :)
Since it’s summertime, showers and baths around here – for the boys, at least – have mostly been replaced with garden hoses, water fights, and the kiddie pool. But we finally put our foot (feet?) down, and told the boys they needed to actually get in a real bathing facility to scrub their hair.
Groans, protests, picketing with signs.
“You know, the water in the hose is really warm,” Vin said. “They really could just wash their hair outside…if I hold the hose for them.”
I made a face, imagining streaks of unrinsed shampoo down their legs.
“They could use baking soda,” I thought out loud. “You know, get their hair wet, sprinkle the baking soda on, let it sit for a few minutes, rinse it out. Easy.” I’ve been doing this for months with great success, but was pretty sure the boys would balk at it.
But no, boys are full of surprises.
“They have agreed to the baking soda and hose procedure,” Vin announced.
“Can’t wait for their reaction when you tell them it’s called the ‘no poo’ method.”
But I never heard the reaction because Vin took care of the boys’ showers. It was one of the last of many big and small tasks we’d been knocking off a list in preparation for a momentous event in our marriage and family:
Vince and I were going away, just the two of us, for the first time in…like, ever.
For the record, since some of you remember, we did have that one trip in 2017 which was two days of work and ministry banked by red-eye flights.
At the time, someone I considered a close friend squealed in excitement, “I’m so glad you’re finally getting a vacation!” It was eye opening to realize how clueless some of our closest friends still were about our family, mission, and lifestyle at the time, and ironic, too, considering that the purpose of that visit was to communicate such things to a larger audience. (News flash: Media interviews are not vacation-y.) I still don’t understand why 48 hours of flying and appointments for a special needs adoptive couple should be the equivalent of the same kind of rest and reprieve as two weeks on the beach for her or anyone else, but I digress.
So anyway, that doesn’t count.
Also in full disclosure, there were those adoption trips in 2012…which also weren’t romantic vacations…and there was that one time in a galaxy far, far away, back when we only had three kids (was that even us?!) when a dear friend stayed with them, and Vin and I stayed at a cabin for a night. That was sometime before 2009, not sure when.
If you sow to your own flesh, you will reap corruption from the flesh, but if you sow to the Spirit, you will reap eternal life from the Spirit.
So let us not grow weary in doing what is right, for we will reap at harvest time, if we do not give up. So then, whenever we have an opportunity, let us work for the good of all and especially for those of the family of faith.
– Galatians 6:8-10
So it’s been a while. And if you know us in person you’ve probably heard us joke about our lame dates over the last couple years because most of our outings together have been to meetings, funerals, and the courthouse. But those were huge, freeing steps in and of themselves. It meant we could go somewhere alone together, which was something that rarely happened from 2012 to 2023ish.
Thus, when a couple months ago a friend at church offered us his family B&B for a weekend this summer, we were a little aghast. Really? Without the kids? (He said we could bring them or not, and we chose Not.)
This was definitely an upgrade from our historically lame dates: Two days alooooone at a beautiful lakeside home. No work, no ministry, no kids, no appointments. We weren’t going far, but we weren’t going to be within screaming distance, either.
Astonishing. Miraculous. And honestly, a little unnerving.
I am a happy homebody hermit (maybe we should trademark that) who loves our rooms and walls and acre of land. Garden, books, knitting, cats. What else do I need?
At least, this is what I told myself.
I mean, it’s true, but also…well, we’ll get there.
Over a year ago two of our favorite adults offered to watch the kids for us sometime, so now we had an opportunity to take them up on it. They came to our house, we went through instructions and routines, we hugged, we left. Drove off. Picked up food. Found the place. Unloaded our bags. Left our worries at the door.
Within thirty minutes, someone texted us about poop.
And I thought to myself, This is why we needed this.
A few more necessary texts, plus a phone call with more explicit protocol (because “How To Deal With Pooptastrophes” was not part of our initial orientation), and then we left the worries at the door. I think we actually sort of shoved them out kicking and screaming, and bolted the door behind them.
I know what you’re thinking. It’s the obvious question: How many books did we bring?
Fourteen,my friend. Plus our Bibles, and a notebook each.
Out of those fourteen books, I’m thrilled to tell you that three of them were by Wodehouse because I have finally roped Vin into reading them. Every time I heard him laugh, I felt deep gratification because he loves them as much as I do and I TOLD HIM SO.
We sat out in the sun, turning pages, drinking coffee out of unfamiliar (but beautiful) mugs and sitting in unfamiliar (but super comfortable) chairs, while tiny bits of friendly cotton floated through the air.
I should tell you that when our friend offered this, I was so touched by his generosity and thoughtfulness, but I didn’t have any wild expectations. I thought, Wow, what a gift. A couple days away is definitely something we should take advantage of.
I was not thinking, I bet this place will be stunningly beautiful and change the way I look at rest and hospitality forevermore.
But it did. It added light and color to other dreams we’ve had and held onto.
A reset occurred as we sat on unfamiliar furniture and ate out of unfamiliar dishes. The shape of this mug is different from any of ours at home, let’s try it. This couch is like ours, but so much deeper and roomier. At home, most of our drinking glasses are recycled jars. But at the B&B, not so much.
I felt a shift in my heart and perspective just in being in different rooms and having the space to let my own thoughts broaden out. Any new experience can bring a leveling up, of sorts, especially when our own routines have been so steady for so long. And I love our routines. (Most of them, at least…not the pooptastrophe protocol, of course.) But a breath of newness is good, too.
Less than 48 hours later we packed up, and in some ways it felt like weeks had passed but in others it was like only minutes had gone by. The weather that morning was bland – not dramatic rain and thunder like the first night, not sunny and breezy like the full day in between – but pale, reserved, grey, stiff upper lip, nice-to-meet-you-but-we-shouldn’t-get-so-attached-now-that-you’re-leaving, and so on.
The end of all things is near; therefore be serious and discipline yourselves for the sake of your prayers. Above all, maintain constant love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. Like good stewards of the manifold grace of God, serve one another with whatever gift each of you has received. Whoever speaks must do so as one speaking the very words of God; whoever serves must do so with the strength that God supplies, so that God may be glorified in all things through Jesus Christ. To him belong the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.
– 1 Peter 4:7-11
What else do we need? Perspective, and space. Those of us who tend toward stillness need to move around a little to go wide, and those who tend toward restlessness need the margin to be still, and go deep.
And we need friends who see things differently, who see us differently than we see ourselves, who validate things that we pooh-pooh, who recognize needs (and wants!) that we would put off or deny ourselves.
Try this. Look at this. Sit here. Look out there. You’ve gone deep for so long in the same place; it’s time to move a little wider.
How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy that we feel before our God because of you? Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you face to face and restore whatever is lacking in your faith.
Now may our God and Father himself and our Lord Jesus direct our way to you. And may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, just as we abound in love for you. And may he so strengthen your hearts in holiness that you may be blameless before our God and Father at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all his saints.
– 1 Thessalonians 3:9-13
When you have room to breathe, you suddenly realize how long you’ve been holding your breath, and how much you’ve craved a little more oxygen.
Since those two days — about ten days ago as I type this — I’ve forgotten about my phone more times than I can tell you. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and forget where I put it the night before. That, too, was oxygen I’ve needed.
Why did our friend give us this gift? Because we’ve been praying for him. And because he, too, knows how to minister.
Now there are varieties of gifts but the same Spirit, and there are varieties of services but the same Lord, and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who activates all of them in everyone.
To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.
To one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of powerful deeds, to another prophecy, to another the discernment of spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are activated by one and the same Spirit, who allots to each one individually just as the Spirit chooses.
– 1 Corinthians 12:4-11
The Sunday after we got back, we combined congregations with another local church. The sermon was about howwe live in community and care for each other, and it was given by the other church’s pastor, who is also our daughter’s boss. He didn’t recognize us but I’ve known his wife for years because before we adopted, in that galaxy far, far away, we were involved in our local pregnancy center, and she’s the director of it.
“You are my favorite writer,” she said as we hugged, confirming her as one of my favorite readers, too.
They sat to the left of us in the same row. In the row in front of us was another friend I met in those pregnancy center days; it’s been seventeen years. And right behind us, the friend we’ve known for less than a year who blessed us with the B&B. Hands up, worshiping together.
It is he whom we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone in all wisdom, so that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil and strive with all the energy that he powerfully inspires within me…. I want their hearts to be encouraged and united in love, so that they may have all the riches of assured understanding and have the knowledge of God’s mystery, that is, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
– Colossians 1:28-29, 2:2-3
We see and serve each other, and this is how we make history. We change the world by caring for each other, in whatever way God has gifted us.
Do we get it wrong sometimes? Absolutely, yes, sometimes our efforts go amiss. We say the wrong thing, we misunderstand each other. But we continue trying as we abide and obey, offering the gifts we carry.
I, therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace: there is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to the one hope of your calling, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in all.
But each of us was given grace according to the measure of Christ’s gift….He himself granted that some are apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until all of us come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, to the measure of the full stature of Christ.
– Ephesians 4:1-7, 11-13
A community has history, but our relationships build and bond in making history. It’s not only about time lapsing through years, but in investing in each other, which just takes moments of attention. And as we attend to each other, we protect each other from dying of exposure, or from stifling in too much crowding and chaos.
I was thinking of you…you guys said one of your favorite things was reading on the couch on the weekends…my family has this place, I would love to give you a weekend away…
What happens when we love those we live with, and care for those we worship with? We bring oxygen, and allow space, and give perspective. We change lives, our own and others.
It is a big world and a small world, and the Lord has hemmed us in to worship and make history together.
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I pray that, according to the riches of his glory, he may grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through his Spirit and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, as you are being rooted and grounded in love.
I pray that you may have the power to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
After about four years, I still don’t have a great relationship with our wood stove. Because of our home’s configuration, the stovepipe veers horizontally out the exterior wall before going up again, and this jog creates issues. If the fire isn’t prepped right (more on this in a minute) the smoke floats out of the vents and fills the house, rather than going pleasantly up the chimney like it’s supposed to.
So when the kids ask if we can light the wood stove, I generally put them off. Not this weekend, maybe another time, I don’t really want to suffocate on smoke right now. Let’s save it for an emergency power outage in winter, okay?
Right, like that’s the perfect time to open the windows to air out the house. In the middle of winter on those really cold days, the temperature rises to 2 above in the sun. If someone opens the door, frosty air billows in and visibly rolls across the floor…so that’s definitely not when we want to open all the windows to clear the smoke out.
But now that it’s May, it is the perfect time to mend my relationship with the wood stove. I want to be storm ready, and maintain a cozy atmosphere in every part of the year. So we need to be in the habit of prepping the wood stove, which entails preheating the back area of it with a mini blowtorch – maybe you can see why I’ve been stubborn about this, because the irony of needing to preheat a wood stove annoys me for some reason – so the air gets warm enough to rise up the pipe and create a current strong enough to push past that sideways jog. It’s just basic science. (But also, annoying.)
When the fire is lighted in the fireplace, the air contained in the chimney is warmed, becomes lighter, and rises. The hotter the air and the higher the column of heated air, the more powerfully it rushes upward.
– Jean-Henri Fabre, The Secret of Everyday Things
I was thinking about this last Sunday, about the atmosphere we create – or rather, partner with God and others in creating – as we worship. The songs, the prayer, the attention goes up…or they’re supposed to, at least.
At the same time that the hot air rises, cold air, which is heavier, flows toward the fireplace, accelerates combustion, becomes warm in its turn, and joins the ascending column…To this incessant flow of air through the fireplace we give the name ‘draft.’
– Jean-Henri Fabre, The Secret of Everyday Things
Our attention toward Jesus creates the momentum of a current. My eyes are on Him, your eyes are on Him, the smoke rises. The room is warmer, vision is clearer.
But our distraction – wondering what others think of us, what our kids or other people are doing, wondering how we sound or when the song will be over – is cold air that blows attention sideways and down, disrupting the draft and pulling smoke into the room, distracting us and others.
In that case, we choke and stifle on what God is wanting to do. Rather than joining in with the worship that is actively and always occuring, we hold back…and in so doing, we hold others back, too.
Maybe I sang too loud. She’s clapping off rhythm. I hate clapping. Ugh, this song again. If our attention isn’t vertical, it’s sideways.
This cold air necessarily lessens the draft by mixing with the hot air and lowering its temperature, or it can even blow smoke back into the room.
– Jean-Henri Fabre, The Secret of Everyday Things
And it’s not just worship during church services, but in our everyday abiding we also create a current and shift the atmosphere. Our spouses, kids, and coworkers know when our attention is directed upwards.
[Exhausted Parents. Photography by Kavanagh, age 6]
Over the years, especially in hard seasons, I’ve noticed with my kids that if I’m in a funk, they follow. Or, if they are dwelling in gloom or malaise and I’m not attuned to it, I follow them and get sucked into it, too – thus abdicating my leadership in setting the atmosphere.
On those really difficult days I have to find small things to strengthen the draft, like drinking a few gulps of water, memorizing a short verse, washing a couple dishes. Picking up a tiny area. It’s how Holy Spirit taught me to retake authority, take back the land, in small increments at a time. We redirect our attention to what He is doing and what He wants to do – often in creating beauty and order – and the smoke starts to clear again.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
– Philippians 4:8
We make room for Him.The thorns, cares, and distractions of the world are clutter in our minds that overflow around us, choking out space, focus, and simplicity. So we surrender them: Lay them on the altar, let them pass through the fire. Some can be picked up again after our vision has cleared and we know what to do with them, and others need to burn entirely.
This is how we redirect the current upward, and clear the air, the congestion, the smoke in our eyes that prevents us from seeing.
So if you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on the things that are above, not on the things that are on earth, for you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.
– Colossians 3:1-3
Ephesians 4 puts it this way:
…to put away your former way of life, your old self, corrupt and deluded by its lusts, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to clothe yourselves with the new self, created according to the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.
– Ephesians 4:22-24
The things we’re stubborn about can get in our way and prevent us from creating the environment we really want and were made to live in. So we burn the old, earthly things so they can no longer stir up the current and blow smoke around, and thus we clear the room:
Put to death, therefore, whatever in you is earthly: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed (which is idolatry). On account of these the wrath of God is coming on those who are disobedient. These are the ways you also once followed, when you were living that life. But now you must get rid of all such things: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive language from your mouth.
Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have stripped off the old self with its practices and have clothed yourselves with the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge according to the image of its creator.
– Colossians 3:5-10
Ephesians 4 parallels that, and gives us more heat to draw the current upward:
So then, putting away falsehood, let each of you speak the truth with your neighbor, for we are members of one another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil.
Those who steal must give up stealing; rather, let them labor, doing good work with their own hands, so as to have something to share with the needy. Let no evil talk come out of your mouths but only what is good for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption. Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.
– Ephesians 4:25-32
I know this is a ton of scripture. But Ephesians is on one side of the room and Colossians is on the other, and both are shouting the same refrain: Make room and prepare the way of the Lord.
They praise God from one wall to the other, proclaiming the atmosphere we’re made to cultivate and walk in:
Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
– Colossians 3:12-17
Now is the time to prepare, wherever we are, so we and those around us encounter Him continually. To mix my metaphors, we are not thermometers, but thermostats – we’re not just here to read the room, but to shift it. So are our eyes, thoughts, and attention directed toward Him, toward His works, toward His will? Have we cleared the room so we’re not making ourselves or those around us choke on smoke we’ve stirred up?
We’re learning to set the atmosphere so when someone walks in, they’re not entering a cold space. We’ve prepped the wood stove, the fire is lit, and the current is already strong and headed upward. You’re here to worship, to see Jesus? Great, join us, it’s already happening.
If someone opens the door on a cold day and frosty air billows in, there’s a strong draft already in motion to carry it toward the fire, warm it, and send it higher. We’ve taken on the new life that continually rises. And with our attention drawn to Him, every moment is worship.
