Category Archives: mothering

favorite books of 2025

Posted on by January 14, 2026

“Mom, what’s a frigate?” Finn asked, laying on Grandma’s living room floor. His language arts binder was opened in front of him.

“There is no frigate like a book!” I quoted. “Have you heard that yet?”

He shook his head.

Kav looked up and raised his eyebrows.

My cousin pondered for a second, and then shook his head, too.

But across the kitchen Chamberlain smirked, because she knew. She spent quite a bit of last year immersed in Emily Dickinson.

There is no Frigate like a Book
To take us Lands away
Nor any Coursers like a Page
Of prancing Poetry –
This Traverse may the poorest take
Without oppress of Toll –
How frugal is the Chariot
That bears the Human Soul –

– Emily Dickinson

(Anyone who can express ideas this brilliantly has earned the right to capitalize and punctuate however they choose.)

favorite books of 2025 by Shannon Guerra @Copperlight Wood

Out of the 58 frigates I traversed last year, here are my favorites:

Something Fresh/Leave it to Psmith by P.G. Wodehouse

This was the year I got Vince addicted to reading Wodehouse. High five. We each read several of his books last year and these two were by far our favorites; I also managed to get Something Fresh into Gaining Ground’s list of books, which means I read it twice in six months and still loved it. These are the first two in the Blandings series and the plots are pretty similar, but both are such hilarious chaos that you won’t even care.

…he took the entire staircase in one majestic, volplaning sweep. There were eleven stairs in all separating his landing from the landing below, and the only ones he hit were the third and tenth.

— P.G. Wodehouse, Leave it to Psmith

That Hideous Strength by C.S. Lewis

This was also the year I finally read The Space Trilogy, of which That Hideous Strength is the final book. All three were good and opened my eyes in new ways. But this one reads more like a typical novel (not really sci-fi at all, and can be read as a standalone), and I could not put it down.

There are a dozen views about everything until you know the answer. Then there’s never more than one.

― C.S. Lewis, That Hideous Strength

To use modern terms that parallel our times, the plot revolves around a normie couple who finds themselves on opposite sides: One is lured by pride and insecurity into the deepest of deep state corruption, and the other stumbles into an eclectic group of (mostly) ordinary faithfuls taking refuge together and watching for their moment to intervene.

I loved almost all of it, didn’t understand quite a bit of it, and was mindblown by the last third of the book which will forever change how I see God. It is not a kids’ book by any means; Vin read the first two (Out of the Silent Planet and Perelandra) aloud to our ten-year-old, but this one starts right off with adult themes and continues into violent, disturbing concepts.

She Deserves Better by Sheila Wray Gregoire, et al

Yep, it looks like a liberal feminist book – which no doubt had something to do with our local library’s decision to carry it – but the full title is She Deserves Better: Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self, and Speaking Up, and it is a Biblically accurate book (with the exception of when concepts like spiritual warfare are discussed, which are not the author’s wheelhouse; when the authors stay in their lane – 99.8% of the time – the information is excellent) that reviews where the Church (including youth groups, conferences, and media aimed at teens and couples) has veered astray, pressing girls/women into ideologies and double standards that the Bible never intended.

Even though I didn’t attend youth group until my senior year of high school, these teachings were familiar to me and we even taught them 20 years ago when we first led younger couples. We have since repented because they don’t reflect what the Bible actually teaches, nor do they bear fruit that Christians can be proud of.

We gave copies of this book to our daughters for Christmas. If I could, I would buy copies for you, too. Resolving these issues and teaching them correctly moves us far upstream to prevent a host of tragedies later on. You can read a related post here by Vince.

“Our job is not to raise obedient daughters who won’t make waves. Our job is to raise daughters who will run after Jesus without worrying if they’re faster or slower than the boys around them.”

– Gregoire et al, She Deserves Better

Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk

This was the second time I read this book, and for the record, I didn’t like it the first time. That was about 12 years ago when I was living in the midst of chaos and depression; I was trying to do everything right with our special needs kids but feeling like I must still be doing everything wrong because nothing seemed to be working. I felt so, so helpless and overwhelmed, and we had a lot of healing that just needed to work out over time. So reading a book about powerful choices in difficult relationships while still feeling so extremely powerless to change our family’s situation was not the best timing, probably.

But! By this time around, I’d learned that feeling powerless and being powerless are two separate things…and also, life is so much easier than it was then. So much healing has come…sometimes it just takes a long time to see it. So what am I saying? If your life is falling apart, this may (or may not) be the best book for you. But it’s worth a shot. The principles in it are solid, and Kingdom culture is lived out through them.

favorite books of 2025 by Shannon Guerra @ Copperlight Wood

Persuasion by Jane Austen

Do I even have to tell you why this is worth reading? Because it’s Jane Austen, that’s why.

Not good enough? You don’t know what that even means? Fine. Persuasion is a remarkable example of wit and observation on human nature, and a scathing rebuke of hypocrisy and vanity:

Also, it’s shorter than most of Austen’s other novels, so you should try it.

Cry, the Beloved Country by Alan Paton

File this under “books I should’ve read 30 years ago, but somehow missed.”

The first thing I noticed in this one was the odd punctuation. There are no quotation marks for dialogue, and somehow that makes the tone of the book feel so much gentler and quieter, even as the story covers hard things. (The Road is another example of this.)

Cry, the Beloved Country is about a minister in South Africa who needs to find his estranged sister and son in Johannesburg. In that journey, he finds unlikely allies and unlikely opponents. My big takeaway from it: Regardless of our how other people revere us, our strongest, most impactful ministry is to our own family, whether they choose to receive it or not.

Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

I think I’ve read this epic five times now, and it still holds up. I’ve written why here. If you start it now, you have a good chance of finishing it by 2027. (grin)

Rise to Rebellion and The Glorious Cause by Jeff Shaara

In spite of being married to a history nerd who owns over a dozen books by this author, I had never read any of them until 2025.

These two are about the Revolutionary War and I liked the first, loved the second, and felt like I finally got an understanding of the main people, events, and strategies of that time in history. They read like fiction, and the examples of leadership and integrity illustrated in this series are lessons we and our children need.

Made In China by Amelia Pang

This is one of a very few books that I think everyone — especially Christians — should read and be aware of.

After working eight hours a day in the quarry, prisoners had to manufacture artificial flowers for six more hours at night. Chen folded adhesive labels to garish lilies, tulips, and poppies. He glued fake stems to polyester and silk flowers. The mustiness of the silk mingled with the strong glue, covering the iron scent of blood.

— Amelia Pang, Made in China

Do you know how all the cheap made-in-China goods are made? Do you know why they’re so “affordable?” It’s because the labor isn’t paid for. Or it is, but only by the slaves — many of whom are Christians and other religious minorities — and the price they pay is often their lives. We have no excuses and we need to stop profiting from slave labor.

I wrote a longer write up on this here (scroll down to “books I loved this month”).

The Awe of God by John Bevere

There’s revival within these pages: personal, corporate, national, global. Such an important message. I talked about it more in this post also, and Vince wrote a longer review here.

A Man For All Seasons by Robert Bolt

If you’ve never read a play before, this is a good one to start with. It reads surprisingly fast, is filled with humor, and tells the story of Thomas More, who refused to compromise his principles and capitulate under pressure to Henry VIII when he desperately wanted More’s sanction/blessing/passive approval/thumbs up to divorce Catherine of Aragon (wife #1, whom he was married to for 24 years) so he could marry Anne Boleyn (wife #2, whom he had beheaded after 3 years).

You probably already know that Henry’s love life continued to plunge downhill from there, and he should’ve just listened to Thomas.

Man and Woman, One in Christ by Phillip Payne

Great book with important information that Christians — especially pastors — need to know. Yes, there’s some Greek in here, but we can do hard things, and those who teach the Bible surely ought to take the time to do them. :) The book is a little repetitive in places but even the repetition is helpful because there’s so much information to absorb. (Payne has a simplified version called The Bible Vs. Biblical Womanhood that I’ll be reading this year. If Greek makes you nervous, that might be the book for you.)

Teachers will be held to greater accountability. Those who promote Biblically-illiterate notions that women should be silent in churches and cannot lead or teach need to take the time to learn the original language, context, and culture of Biblical passages before they promote false teachings out of laziness, ignorance, or bias, and oppress half of God’s image bearers in the process.

Some honorable mentions…meaning, I really liked these books too, but not enough to write another paragraph about each one because I’m tired of fighting Bingley for the keyboard:

Ivanhoe by Sir Walter Scott
Gentian Hill by Elizabeth Goudge
Barchester Towers by Anthony Trollope
The Complete Tales of Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne
Changes That Heal by Henry Cloud

One of the nerdy-fun things we do with our reading is we have this chart on our fridge. I’ve mentioned it before, and we adjust the categories every year. But still, even with all that tweaking and all the books we read this year, a few of last year’s categories didn’t get marked off because the books we were finishing toward the end of the year didn’t quite fit the ones that were left. We’ll keep trying.

By the end of the year, our list looks like this:

And currently, our new list looks like this:

If you’d like to do your own version of this challenge with some friends or your family, here’s a free download of the list we’re using this year. Feel free to copy and adjust it to your own interests.

booklist 2026Download

And! If you’d like to read more classics this year, we’d love for you to join us at Gaining Ground, where we’re currently in the middle of At the Back of the North Wind by George MacDonald but you are welcome to jump in anytime.

Want to see my previous years’ favorites? Here you go, in reverse order: 2024, 2023, 2022, and 2021.

Praying that you journey on so many incredible frigates this year,

Shannon

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what we are charged to carry

Posted on by November 20, 2025

I talked about Exodus a while back and I’m currently in Numbers, so if you’re paying attention, that means I blew through Leviticus with nary a reference to it, and you’re welcome.

But I have a confession to make.

I actually like Numbers.

what we are charged to carry: how quiet perseverance makes room for exploits | Shannon Guerra @ Copperlight Wood

Is that shocking? It gets such a bad rap, but I think that’s because by the time we’ve endured all the details of the Tabernacle and the Levitical laws, we find ourselves in Numbers amid tribes and names and duties and we are just like, When will this ever end, and Pleeeease not another census, and also, what the heck, they’re not even talking about yarn anymore.

But Numbers is where the battles start. It’s where the spies scope out the Promised Land. There’s deception and cursing and blessing. Rebellion, revolts, and wars. So. Much. Drama.

Before we get to all that, though, we delve into tribes and their responsibilities, and yes, it’s boring. But we are grown ups and the Lord uses our postured attention to speak to us even when we couldn’t care less about the Kohathites.

On the blue couch with the Bible and coffee, my eyes go over the verses and sometimes the Lord tells me something that has nothing to do with the chapter at all, but about the day ahead or a situation I’ve been praying about. And this easy; it actually asks less of me than really studying, unraveling Greek or Hebrew, or wondering what a passage says in a different version. Because in these times, He gives answers, not more questions.

Also, this boring stuff sets the stage for the exploits later. I’m no Old Testament scholar, but it was a massive feat to organize this group of millions in their community functions, and it was not glamorous work. I need to see this boring stuff because my own life is riddled with the expensive, complicated mundane, and I need perspective.

What I mean is, it’s easy to be passionate and excited about Big Endeavors. There’s a mission or a battle ahead? Great! Let’s train, prepare, equip, invest, do all the things! Yes, it’s hard, but this is an adventure! It’s ambitious! Gutsy! We’re doing it for a cause!

It’s one thing to raise a bunch of money because you’re adopting or going back to school or launching a business venture or becoming a missionary or doing some other wild exploit. It’s another thing entirely to need roughly the same amount of funds to crown a broken tooth, cover eye appointments and glasses for three people, and replace your home’s heating system which has already been repaired numerous times.

These are not the escapades that inspire us. This the boring maintenance that keeps body and soul – er, house – together. And we need answers here too, not more questions.

So everything we read doesn’t have to be wars and drama and taking the land, just as everything we do at home isn’t always birthday parties and pizza nights. We need routine maintenance, like laundry and making beds. We need the calm to train our attention spans with books and tasks that are less flashy. So these parts in the Old Testament will grow us, if we let them.

My old NRSV talks about ancestral houses and the different services performed by clans, and it is of course not referring to physical houses, but generational giftings and callings. Or, deeper, it’s about the atmosphere and assignments of our families – including our church families.

This stuff seems dry when we read it, but we all have a particular culture within our homes and tribes we run with. Your ancestral house might excel in music and theatrical creativity; maybe everyone knows the hymnal from front to back. Some groups are quiet and reverent, others are loud and hilarious. Some of us have powerful deliverance ministries or community outreaches, but we still aren’t sure how to use the word “liturgy” in a sentence.

In chapter 4, this verse stopped me:

This is what they are charged to carry, as the whole of their service…

– Numbers 4:31a

You and I, individually, are charged to carry particular things as our whole act of service, too. They are specific things, not everything; we are charged to carry whatever the Lord has called us to. Not what He’s called our neighbor or pastor or best friend to.

Still in Numbers 4, in verse 47 it talks about “…everyone qualified to do the work of service and the work of bearing burdens,” and it’s referring to the tent of meeting. But as I’m reading it, the Lord is talking to me about my work and service, and how not wanting to and not being qualified are different things. Because here, too, is the discipline and obedience that bear fruit.

This is where the battles in our hearts start – and if we follow through, it’s where they’re won.

I don’t always want to do the work of thinking hard, or counseling and discipling, or helping my 20-year-old daughter in the bathroom. But those are things I am charged to carry.

On the daily, I tend to feel scattered and spread thin: kids, family, ministry, business, writing, Gaining Ground, Homesteaderly, homeschooling, personal study. What am I focused on? Aren’t we supposed to have a niche? Everyone says so. At least, all the self-promoting experts on the internet do.

But as I’ve been in Numbers, I’ve also been in Proverbs 31 for weeks, rereading, letting it sink into me. I never seem to get enough time in it, so this time around I decided to linger. And as I’ve gone over it again and again (not the whole chapter, just the last 20ish verses), I’ve realized that this woman didn’t fit into tidy, clean boxes, either. She, too, was all over the place: family, business, community, creativity, caring for her household and also for herself.

Huh. The world tells us to focus and “niche down,” but that is not how life works for many of us. Most of us are not charged to carry just one or two simple priorities. When we seek the Kingdom first, our passions run deep and wide. We scatter seeds everywhere.

In the wide broadcast, it seems like it’s taking forever to see fruit come of it.

Look at the plant, Love, He says.

About a year ago I repotted and hung this pothos; it had only two stems and about four leaves. Now it has fourteen.

All I’ve done is water it, and wait.

And this is where we see exponential growth: small steps of obedience, plus time and patience.

Steadiness and grit. Backbone and perseverance. Constancy and equanimity. On their own, they’re just stubbornness. But leveraged in obedience toward our callings, they multiply into something beyond our expectations.

I didn’t have a grid for that, we think.

And He says, That’s why I’m giving you one.

Our small acts are laying down lines, creating a platform that our future exploits are built on.

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trying too hard: the difference between giving up & surrender

Posted on by September 17, 2025

It’s fall, so if you come to our house in the next few weeks, I’m warning you, there will be quail in the main bathroom again. But they don’t stare or gawk, and you can pretty much do your business in peace.

Our last hatch of the year was at the end of August and for the first time, we had to help a few of the quail out of their shells. And if you know about hatching chicks of any kind, you know you’re not supposed to do that.

trying too hard: the difference between giving up & surrender | Shannon Guerra at Copperlight Wood

Three of them were stuck, though. They had done most of the work themselves already, but the incubator’s humidity was off and it had been too long; they were going to die anyway. Their shells were just too dry and wouldn’t crack the rest of the way open…so I helped. One at a time, I took their warm eggs from the incubator and held them in my hand. With fear and trembling, I slid the tine of a fork into the widened crack, widened it a little more, and popped them back in the incubator.

They made it, but two out of the three really struggled – and we did, too. Their toes would not straighten out, so we painstakingly splinted them with bandaids. They had splayed legs (common even in otherwise healthy chicks) so we popped them in small jars for teacup therapy. We tried every trick we knew, and learned a few more from the internet.

By day two, one of the chicks was better but it was clear that the other one’s leg had stiffened wrong and it was still walking on curled toes. It seemed happy enough for the time being, even though it struggled to get around like the other chicks who were zipping all over the place.

How do you put something out of its misery when it doesn’t seem miserable yet? Do you wait for the misery to come, or do you keep praying for a miracle? There are much bigger livestock to apply this too, and I’m grateful we only deal with poultry.

The other chick seemed fine until day three, when it somehow got caught under the food dish and twisted itself all up. It could only spin in circles, could not get right side up again, and was obviously miserable. We couldn’t wait long after prayer for a miracle, so off that one went, too.

And here’s what I kept wrestling with that seemed to vocalize so many other struggles: Do we keep praying and trying, or do we give up?

At what point do we know we’ve really given it all we’ve got?

And, are we really giving up at that point, or are we surrendering?

Which brings me to one of our annual meetings for Reagan, our adoptive daughter. She is nineteen, with many special needs, and she can be finished with school, or she can have up to two more years. It gives us some structure for her life, so we’ve taken it a year at a time, and decided to keep going for now.

But that means we also have to decide what to do about math.

Math has always been so hard. Not just in the normal sense because math is hard for some kids, but haaard because she doesn’t have any comprehension of so many concepts. Money, spatial relations, telling time, they all mean nothing to her. Even simple addition and subtraction is a fight, and whatever aspect we don’t do all the time, she forgets.

So the spiral method of learning – when you cycle through various concepts and eventually revisit them to review before moving on – has never really worked for her. By the time the same concept comes around, she has to learn it all over again. And often, she doesn’t want to. So it’s a battle, and after 13 years it feels like one that’s very much not worth fighting anymore.

She has struggled, and we have, too. We’ve tried all the tricks. We keep explaining, we keep praying for a miracle.

And aside from math, she’s happy. She doesn’t care what grade she’s in or that her siblings can zip all over the place around her.

Like I said a minute ago: Do we keep trying, or do we give up? At what point do we know we’ve really given it all we’ve got?

But also: After 13 years, is it really giving up? Or is it surrendering, so we can move on to other things? Because the line between those feels super blurry.

Sitting across from our contact teacher, I finally ask, “Does she have to do math? I mean, it’s been thirteen years. She’s been in first grade workbooks for the last eight or nine of them, and cannot get through them. Can we just be done?”

Exasperation and tears. It feels so much like failure. All this time, and we could not get her farther than this.

But on the other side of the desk, our teacher nods.

“Yeah, you can be done.” More tears. Because as much as it feels like failure and finality, it also feels like relief.

What is the difference between surrender and giving up? I’m still sorting this out, but I think a big part of it has to do with control. I don’t mean controlling others, or even self control, but how much control we actually have over an outcome. Because sometimes (often) we take an unhealthy amount of responsibility onto ourselves for those outcomes.

We influence, yes, but we don’t cause other people (and certain situations) to change. We pray, we love, we act…but people make their own choices, they decide their own character. And when we’re working harder than they are for a better outcome, that’s a good time to surrender it.

Many sincere, dedicated believers struggle with tremendous confusion about when it is biblically appropriate to set limits.

– Cloud and Townsend, Boundaries

We invest affection, love, time, prayer, creativity, and effort into these situations. And when it all comes to nothing – or at least, seems like nothing, in the long run – it all feels wasted.

For the ignored friend, the parent of the prodigal, or the spouse who is neglected, abandoned, or abused – at what point do we quit trying so hard, quit striving for the change that someone else can only choose for themselves? We never stop praying, but when do we stop reaching out, trying so hard, waiting for the other person to mature and grow?

Powerful people do not try to control other people. They know it doesn’t work, and that it’s not their job. Their job is to control themselves….A powerful person’s choice to love will stand, no matter what the other person does or says.

– Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On

We can’t just wait for them to change. Sometimes we use waiting as an excuse to not make changes of our own, but we have to be responsible for the changes we should make, and responsive to the things the Lord is telling us to do.

With fear and trembling, sometimes we hold these situations like dry, not-quite-hatched eggs, and we carefully try to help them open. And sometimes it works. But also, sometimes it doesn’t. After we have obeyed, the outcome isn’t up to us.

Hear me, friend: God does not hold us hostage for miracles. He does not need us to strive for them.

And on the other end of things, He does not depend on our steadfast maintenance of the status quo to buy Him time, either.

Circumstances are one thing, but relationships are even stickier. What do we do when someone we love repeatedly shows how little they care, or they seem to thrive in creating chaos, or they indulge their immaturity by hurting you in passive aggressive ways? It’s hard to just move on and go about the daily tasks of life, to put on the mask and pretend things are fine, because that’s what this other person is doing and you know how wrong it is.

Some relationships we just have to let go of. Many friendships are for certain seasons and then they fade away. But certain relationships – like family members, or people you have some kind of ongoing work, ministry, or community partnership with – don’t just fade away. Somehow in these situations, we have to figure out how to love steadfastly, in the way that covers the multitude of sins, because of their proximity.

This kind of love brings us to endurance. We can’t change the other person, and we often can’t change our circumstances or proximity. So we do have to stick it out, and that can feel a lot like failure, giving up, and lowering our standards. This is so far beneath what I wanted this situation to look like. Ugh.

So we pull out all the tricks we know for this, too. We pray. We forgive. We set boundaries. And sometimes we wonder why we have to settle for so much less than what God surely intended for this situation.

It is hard to forgive and even want to keep trying when they use that proximity to make a show of how much more they care for others than you, and they make sure you see it. It is hard to overlook, to keep showing grace, to keep your cool inside your own boundaries. And boundaries, for the record, are limits placed out of love and protection. They are not a cloak for rudeness couched in a desire to avoid responsibility.

As we surrender the outcomes that are out of our control, are we really settling for less? Or is God training us for more?

Because His character hasn’t changed. His will for us and the other person has not changed.

Are we really lowering our standards? Or are we moving on so we can fight other battles – the ones we have a hand in winning?

One of the battles we continue to fight with (and for) Reagan is communication. She is verbal but most people can’t understand her because she slurs, blends words, skips words, and generally speaks in that toddler-like manner that only parents and siblings can decode.

So here’s where we stand our ground: Even when I understand what she’s saying, if it’s not clear, I usually have her repeat it correctly.

“Slow down and say each word so I can understand you,” I often tell her. There will come a day when she needs someone else to understand her, and if we let her get away with garble, she will regress further.

I sat next to her during worship at one of our community-wide gatherings a couple weeks ago, and prayed for the millionth time for healing in her. And because it has been a million times (but who’s counting) I also prayed for healing in my own heart over the hope deferred, the things I cannot change, the things I don’t know how to change, the loss of what seems like things should have been.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.

– Proverbs 13:12

I have wondered how sick my heart is, how skewed my perspective is from living so close for so long and not seeing certain answers. I have fought the battle of faith against futility, seen the shimmer of horizon through closed eyes in prayer, and knew it wasn’t a vision, but tears.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.

Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near.

– Philippians 4:4-5

The fight is not about what I can change in her, but in what I am letting God change in me.

It is not about lowering my standards or expectations, but about seeing rightly the battles that I can and need to be fighting.

It is about seeing how other desires are fulfilled, and focusing on the tree of life.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

– Philippians 4:6-8

The leaves are falling outside and the season is going fast, racing toward the long winter. And we grieve over the loss of time, the speed of time, the lost opportunity of what could and should have been. In the storm and shadow of these deep struggles, our efforts can feel like such dim lights in such darkness. Our small influence, our private lives, our humble gifts, what can they do amid the raking waves in the present, violent tumult?

In that moment during worship as I looked down and watched my tears hit the hardwood floor, I knew with certainty that next to me Reagan was just giddy over the volume of the music. Delighted in the moment, flapping her hands, utterly apathetic about how I was even at that moment fighting for her.

Jesus, receive the reward of your suffering. We sang it that night, and we live it every day as we give it all we’ve got, and then surrender.