move: getting what we want by seeing the way He does

“Grab. Move here, go.”

“This foot’s gonna kick.”

“Step through, bring it down here.”

Thump, thump, slam.HAH!”

Yeah, I have no idea what any of it means, either. Sorry.

move: getting what we want by seeing the way He does

Usually I write from my desk – more on that in a second – but lately I get a lot of writing done during my kids’ martial arts class. At first, the random, sudden shouts of “HAH!” startled me, but now I’m good. If you’ve been reading here throughout the last year, many of the posts and newsletters were drafted from this ugly chair I’m sitting in now while listening to the instructions, thumps, and yells of the class.

The instructor was delayed last week, so the highest-ranking student took charge and challenged one of my kids to lead the class in warmups. No big deal, just tell everyone to do jumping jacks or whatever.

But it required a shift in stance: standing in front of peers instead of next to them. And there was immediate resistance and balking. I tried to repress a smile, and failed.

I know this kid. I know both sides of the challenge and resistance. And after class, I went up to that brown belt student and thanked him for pushing my kid to do hard things.

I resist these things all the time though, too. Dumb things. For example: Because of how the light falls from all the windows in the room, I have wanted to rearrange my office for ages. But I hate rearranging furniture and won’t do it unless it’s absolutely necessary (like when you add a woodstove). Once I have things the way I like them, I like them to stay that way. Don’t we all?

Only, I didn’t really like the way it was. I was settling for what it was out of fear of hating a different arrangement worse.

But we finally switched things around and I love it. Love, love, love it. Should’ve done it years ago. The space fits better, the light falls easier, and I love being in there.

So when Kav’s cast came off a couple weeks ago…well, I have a confession to make. I know this sounds terrible, but I was kind of hoping it would stay on for a while longer.

Isn’t that awful? Because of course I want him well. Of course I want his arm healed enough to convince the doctor he no longer needs it. I want Kav to run and play without its cumbersome weight, and to wear long sleeved shirts again, and to take baths without having to cover it with a plastic bag. I want him to be cast-free.

But I also want him to be safe.

I want him to be protected from reinjury.  

I don’t want any of us to go through the trauma again.

Moms get this sudden rush of adrenaline whenever our kids hurt themselves. If they fall, we also often feel pain; if I see one of our kids trip on the stairs and hit their knees, I feel a twinge in my knees, too.

Ever since Kav’s accident, that flood comes to me over the smallest stumble (and he’s three, so he’s constantly running, crashing into things, tumbling, doing all the things that little guys do). I have to remind myself that he’s okay. He’s not broken. We don’t have to go back to the hospital. We don’t have to endure that all over again.

When I noticed this anxiety shortly after the accident and confessed it to a friend, she said I may need to come to grips with surrendering ourselves to the Lord in a whole new way, to trust Him with our safety. We’ve had 21 years of parenting kids without breaking anything, and in one afternoon that changed. Suddenly, I saw us differently: Breakable. Vulnerable. Fragile. Exposed. Costly.

So I had sorta hoped his cast would stay on for another couple of weeks to allay some of that. I found myself trusting the cast to protect him from reinjuring himself; I was so grateful it was there to absorb the brunt of his activity.

But do I trust God to protect him? Yes. I think so.

Mostly.

I want to, at least.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord
    than to trust in man.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
    than to trust in princes.

– Psalm 118:8-9

This all comes at the same time our oldest daughter is getting her license and driving in the snow and looking at new jobs and graduating and talking (so much talking) about moving out to live on her own.

I used to be fine with it. Kids have moved out of their parents’ homes since the beginning of time, and this isn’t the first kid of ours who will have done so. But, hey – most of the time when kids grow up and move out on their own, it’s not when the globe is on the brink of the Apocalypse. (Although she is one of the kids in that martial arts class, so there’s that.)

In so many ways it has been a stretching season of the Lord calling us to see differently: Stand here, in front. Turn around, look over here. Don’t see what your feelings are telling you, see what I’m telling you.

“Look for the valleys, the green places, and fly through them. There will always be a way through.”
– C.S. Lewis, The Magician’s Nephew

I’ve been going back again and again to this verse:

He is not afraid of bad news;

    his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

His heart is steady; he will not be afraid,

    until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.

– Psalm 112:7-8

But I have been afraid of bad news. Trauma has a way of doing that: This shoe dropping, and the next, and the next. We have to identify the fear and stop listening to it.

This is serious. Do not fear is a command, not a suggestion, for good reason. Fear doesn’t care for permission; it just wants access. The counterfeit picture of what we’re afraid of may be the key that permits that access.

But agreeing with God, picturing the victory and trusting Him for what He has promised, strips the enemy of power he will wrest from us otherwise. Trusting God is the fatal, final blow that puts fear out of our misery.

Oh My Soul

We see exposure and vulnerability in new endeavors and stretching seasons, but God sees strength and fearlessness. We’d rather not deal with more changes, but God is bringing alignment for healing and victory. I’m tired of having my safe places peered into, and exercising muscles that have been resting and healing. But God sees that I’m ready to do hard things again.

“When things go wrong, you’ll find they usually go on getting worse for some time; but when things once start going right they often go on getting better and better.”
– C.S. Lewis, The Magician’s Nephew

Kav is running and playing. He has full movement and extension of his arm and fingers. He falls sometimes, but he gets up every time and keeps going. I’m noticing the rush of adrenaline diminish.

I still don’t usually like standing in front, feeling vulnerable while people look at me. But we often resist change when it’s exactly what we need, and we will love the results if we surrender to them.

He’s saying, Hey Love, I’m peeling back layers of shelter because you’re ready to expand and advance.

Your kingdom come,
your will be done,
    on earth as it is in heaven.

– Matthew 6:10

It requires a shift in stance so we can see what He does. Because He’s the Instructor, saying, Go. Step through. Bring it down here.

best books of 2021

We’ve had several windstorms already this winter but lucked out during the last one, when most of the Valley lost power. We, of course, had our own drama at that time so it was a huge blessing we didn’t also have to deal with no heat, hot water, or electricity. But we lost power earlier in the year enough times to decide that a woodstove was a necessity sooner rather than later.

best books of 2021

When the power went out during the first windstorm last fall, it was late afternoon and we were quickly losing daylight. I was reading, moving closer and closer to the window so the light would hit the page at the best angle.

This was before the first real snowfall, so the ground didn’t reflect any light. Outside, an old leaf flew up and caught on the branch of a tree, adopted temporarily before letting go and flitting like a bird to another tree where it held again for a minute before a gust blew it away.

Inside, the light kept fading, and even though I was trying to read Hannah Fowler fast enough to finish the chapter before darkness made it impossible, it was a losing battle. It was just like when you stay up too late, trying to finish a chapter before exhaustion hits. But there wasn’t enough light, so I gave up and lit candles and started putting together a cold dinner.

My goal was to read 52 books last year. I read 54. It’s my record; the only other time I came that close was 21 years ago which was the first year I was a mother, when I was nursing a baby with reflux 32 hours a day. This year my goal is higher but so far it’s off to a slower start – I’ve only marked off one book so far – though I read several at a time and could feasibly knock out six before February. We’ll see.

Here are my favorites from last year: The ones I loved, the ones I’ll read again, and the ones that I think could change the world if more people read them. Not every book fits in all those categories (though the ones by C.S. Lewis do, of course). And in full disclosure, the first two books on this list are ones I’m still reading. But I love them so much that you get them on this list now so you can grab them sooner rather than later if you want to.

The Vision of the Anointed by Thomas Sowell:

I quoted this one twice in my last post with this warning: “Thomas Sowell is crazy smart, and I admit it helps to have a drink handy while reading him (I mean coffee, not wine, or don’t bother).” So you’ve been warned. But this is one that I think could change the world if more people read it. He wrote it about 20 years ago, but you’d never know that if the copyright page didn’t tell you; it seems like he’s writing about the days we’re living through now. Here:

Human beings have been making mistakes and committing sins as long as there have been human beings. The great catastrophes of history have usually involved much more than that. Typically, there has been an additional and crucial ingredient — some method by which feedback from reality has been prevented, so that a dangerous course of action could be blindly continued to a fatal conclusion.

— Thomas Sowell, The Vision of the Anointed

An Everlasting Meal by Tamar Adler:

I’ve read a lot of cooking and foodie books over the last few years and this is my new favorite. I will come back to it again and again (and I already do, as I’m cooking) – she is not only a beautiful, gifted writer, but she cooks the way I do (except she’s a chef, so, you know, tiny difference) and reading this book validates my quirks in the kitchen. I want to cook every time I read it. So if you don’t like to cook, give it to your spouse and see if it does the same thing. You’re welcome.

Howards End by E.M. Forster:

I don’t know if I loved this book because I loved the new movie version first or if I would’ve loved the book more (or less) had I read it first before watching it. It’s one of those that has major lessons in it about human nature for those who read slowly enough to learn them. But if you’re not sure about reading it, try the most recent version of the movie because it is also wonderful, and see if that convinces you. Because, forget Howards End, I want to live in the Schlegel’s London flat full of stuffed, turquoise bookshelves.

Pity, if one may generalize, is at the bottom of woman. When men like us, it is for our better qualities, and however tender their liking, we dare not be unworthy of it, or they will quietly let us go. But unworthiness stimulates woman. It brings out her deeper nature, for good or evil.

– E. M. Forster, Howards End

Nicholas Nickleby by Charles Dickens

This was my second go-round with Nicholas Nickleby and I forced my family to come with me. Most of them Some of them liked it. To be fair, it took us over two years to get through the whole thing because it’s over 800 pages and we would read aloud only a few times a month over the squalls of a baby who became a toddler while we went through it. Using Librivox during long drives to Palmer helped, and if you like audio, there’s a terrific version here.

Here’s why I love Nicholas Nickleby, and it’s not just because it’s by Dickens (though he’s my favorite and that’s a pretty good reason): I love Nicholas because he does what you want him to. He stands up for his sister, he confronts cruelty, he is patient and tender with the broken, and best of all, when someone needs horsewhipped, he’s not afraid to do it. *glares disgustedly at David Copperfield*

The Awakening of Miss Prim by Natalia Sanmartin Fenollera

I do not like modern fiction, almost ever, and this was an exception. It is a cozy, contemplative, bookish story that makes you want to move to the town it takes place in. But let me do you a favor and tell you right now that the Man in the Wingchair never gets a real name, which surprised and annoyed me – I had been waiting to discover his name for the entire book. So I’m telling you now to prevent you from expecting it and being disappointed, thereby freeing you to love this otherwise delightful, beautiful, slightly nerdy book.

Hannah Fowler by Janice Holt Giles

This was an ugly old hardcover sitting on my shelf that I must’ve picked up at a thrift store years ago. I happened to pull it off the shelf one day and out of curiosity read the first sentence, and then the next, and then the next…and this is a good way to find the next book you want to read. If you’re not bored in those first sentences, it’s worth a go.

I learned something new in every chapter about pioneering life, living outdoors, and homesteading. Hannah is a strong, thoughtful character, and as I read I wondered if she was strong or gutsy enough to do the things I was hoping she would…and she did.

Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame

I have said so much about Wind in the Willows here already. It’s in this post, and this post, and this book, and all I have left to tell you is that it gets better and better the more times you read it, so please get going on it and you won’t be sorry. This was probably my fourth or fifth time through. If you can read it out loud to your kids and give Toad a ridiculous voice, all the better.

A Brutal Justice by Jess Corban

Quick backstory: I found this book through an online readers group when someone mentioned a hate-fest of people leaving 1-star reviews for its Christian author because one reviewer said her books were full of  homophobic content. So I bought the books (it’s a series of two) to see for myself, and lo and behold…the haters were wrong, as they often are. Here’s my review of the first one, which will also tell you a little about the second one:

This book both was and wasn’t what I expected, but it was nothing like what all the angry, misinformed 1-star reviews tout it as (most of whom admit they never even read the book, which is obvious to those of us who have…and ironically meshes well with the point of the story).

That point of the story is that women, acting in fear and anger and hatred, can be overbearing and cruel. Attempting to fix one huge problem by going in the extreme opposite direction is foolish and leads to serious consequences. Those consequences need to be faced and acknowledged, not ignored out of fear, insecurity, or narcissism.

I don’t usually like young adult books or dystopian novels, and the writing in this book is definitely not my style. (The writing in the second book improves by several notches, in my opinion.) But the storyline is fascinating, and the way both men and women are honored for their distinctness is something that I’ve thought about for days, and will continue to do so.

So, back to my review of the second book in the series, which is the one I loved: Remember what I said about not liking modern fiction? This was another exception that has me rethinking my prejudice. The concepts, characters, and setting were fascinating, and the turns of the story were super satisfying. The first book sets the stage for the story, but this is the one that I didn’t want to end.

Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

C.S. Lewis gets a lot of credit for Oh My Soul because this book shaped much of it (or, it shaped much of me as I was writing it) and I come back to Mere Christianity every five years or so because it is so rich, I want the truths to sink into me and stay there. My high schoolers (three so far) each read it twice during school – once as freshmen or sophomores, and again as seniors.

“A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is… A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in.”

– C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

I don’t read many parenting books anymore. It’s definitely not because I feel like I have this parenting gig nailed already (I am still trying to remember to get my little kids in the bath at least twice a week) but because parenting books can be so discouraging. Overwhelming. Condescending and condemning, in a nicey, psychobabble-laced-with-Christianese kind of way. And I’m good enough at fighting all those feelings without paying $17.95 and reading 220 pages to pound it in, thankyouverymuch.

This book was not like that, though. This book was empowering and encouraging and equipping, and so full of ideas and information that it is worth keeping on a low shelf where you can reach it often and refer back to. It also has a terrific section in each chapter that you can read with your kid to empower, encourage, and equip them as they learn to understand how their brain works, too.

The Enchanted April by Elizabeth von Arnim

Another book that you might know better by the movie. I watched the movie years ago and forgot about it, which was a blessing as I read the book because I didn’t remember any discrepancies that irritated me. Iree read the book shortly after I did and then we rewatched the movie and noticed a few. They were, overall, forgivable, and the movie still stands as a good one. But read the book first. It is cozy and quirky in some of the same ways as The Awakening of Miss Prim, but less bookish, more of a study in human nature, and guaranteed to make you laugh out loud at least a few times.

Bandersnatch by Diana Pavlac Glyer

This book delves into the friendships, collaborations, and works of C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, and the rest of the Inklings – how they inspired, encouraged, criticized, supported, and argued with each other, and became more of who we know them to be because of how they lived out the concept of “iron sharpening iron” in a particularly literary way. Vin, Iree, and I all read this last year and each of us loved it.

As we have seen, the Inklings provided inspiration to start new projects; offered support in times of confusion; shaped the direction of one another’s stories; criticized drafts so severely that books were abandoned; changed what they wrote in anticipation of the groups response; initiated competition that spurred their productivity; edited ragged rough drafts and polished fine ones; worked together to produce joint projects; created fictionalized characters based upon one another….And their experiences point to a much larger truth: creativity thrives in community.

– Diana Pavlac Glyer, Bandersnatch

The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis

I read this one last year with a group of friends, and I think I can speak for all of us when I say…it sorta kicked our butts. It wasn’t what I expected, which is ironic because this was my second time reading it. The first time was years (yeeeeears) ago, and I remember it being funny, clever, intriguing, and insightful. And this time it was all that, but deeper, more intense, and way more challenging. Maybe it’s the times we’re living in that brought up a lot more than I noticed the first time I read it. It is a study on human nature, and it is your nature that you’ll examine as you read it. But done right, it leads to more wholeness, and that’s where we want to go.

 “When He [God] talks of their losing their selves, He means only abandoning the clamour of self-will; once they have done that, He really gives them back all their personality, and boasts (I am afraid, sincerely) that when they are wholly His they will be more themselves than ever.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

Money For Nothing by P.G. Wodehouse

This is a brief honorable mention which gets credit for making me laugh so hard that I made ridiculous little desperate, gasping noises because it was 1 am and I was scared of waking up the kids. The argument with the Emily the dog…Hugo catching the burglar while reciting lines from Julius Caesar…Mr. Carmody among the birds…this one’s worth trying. Just don’t blame me if you stay up too late reading and wake up your kids by laughing out loud. I already warned you.

So there you go. We’re ready for a big power outage now; we rearranged our bookshelves and dedicated my favorite little corner to our new woodstove. But if you need more book recommendations, all of our books are here. :)

P.S. Want more books, for all ages? Here’s our list.

made to grow: why we surrender to win

There are seasons of motherhood when I spend all day saying stupid things like “No, you may not swing the cat in the pillowcase,” and “No, you may not take the cat outside on a leash,” and “No, you may not put the baby overalls on the cat,” and also (lest you think every wild idea around here involves a cat) “Why are you on that part of our roof?” By the time we make it to bedtime, our sons think putting pajamas on is a contact sport and I am so sick of refereeing the game that I want to eject everyone from it.

made to grow: why we surrender to win

That’s just normal parenting. Throw in special needs or health issues or a major home repair, and everything feels overwhelming and out of proportion. Life is hard, full of real problems that platitudes have no answers for. In those seasons, we dread the morning and the new day. We do not know what the future holds, but if past performance is any indicator of future results, it seems safer to just stay in bed.

Some of my kids have special needs, and usually those needs are far more behavioral than physical. Sometimes they just refuse to grow and move forward, and there is nothing I can do to move them past the place they’ve dug their heels in.

And the thing I have learned — and am still learning — is that parenting, adoption, and special needs are not necessarily pass/fail endeavors. Because the child makes his or her own choices, and eventually the child has to learn to clean up their own mess. We all do, right?

We’re all meant to grow. And the more a child refuses to grow, the more God grows me. Either way, God brings healing and wholeness. It’s just more fun when we don’t resist it.

If God is giving you the opportunity to grow and heal in these days, to rip something out and start over again, then for the love of all that is holy, do not squander it. Do not shy from the Lord’s probing questions, gentle correction, or nudges toward alignment and surrender. Our joy is at stake in these opportunities to clean up the mess.

We have to do the heart-work of wholeness and forgiveness, of understanding our triggers, of maturing past that old, unattractive hang up, whatever it is. The healing can come in just a few minutes or it can take years, but the timeline rests on our own willingness to surrender.

Here’s a good word for us: The sun doesn’t insist on shining on everything all the time; it surrenders every day. It yields to clouds and isn’t diminished by the presence of something that blocks its light. It’s not in competition with any other light or any other thing that gets in its way and creates a shadow. It just keeps shining, doing what it was made to do.

Every night, it is beautiful in surrender. And regardless of how cold or cloudy it was the day before, it never fails to rise the next day. That might be a word for us, too.

Sooner or later things start to take shape and we can see what the Maker is up to. And it’s always good…eventually.

But surrender is hard. Haaaaarrrd, say it with me in four syllables. If it wasn’t, would it be surrender at all? But it is also powerful, because surrender is also birthing, bringing new life. And when we see the fruit on the other side of it, we see the beauty and joy and breakthrough that come from laying down our agenda for His.

It doesn’t matter if it’s homeschooling, writing a book, parenting, learning anything new, or finally mastering the act of getting dressed in the morning without tangling up your pantleg and tripping yourself (hey, I only write about what I know), we are always learning and growing.

Or, we ought to be. There are those who choose to stagnate, but that’s probably not you.

So, a word of encouragement: If you are feeling the burn of an uphill climb, it’s because you’re going somewhere. Stretching. Moving. Making strides. Gaining ground. Advancing. Moving forward. Going places.

Once you surrender, the unexpected won’t stop you. Mistakes, once realized, confessed and yielded to God, will only advance you further.

So, press in – there is no setback God won’t use to move you forward when you walk in surrender to Him.

____________

This is an excerpt from ABIDE volume 6: Surrender to Win. The ABIDE series is now complete, and it’s available here and everywhere books are sold.