Category Archives: mothering

guardianship: surrendering to a process of becoming more like Him

Posted on by January 24, 2025

Bedtime. I rolled over and tried to pull the pillow into place, and felt something tweak in my shoulder.

“Great,” I muttered, “tomorrow people will ask why I’m gimping around and I’ll have to tell them, ‘I’m 46, and I hurt my shoulder while wrestling with my pillow.’”

“Just tell them you did it in bed,” Vin said. “Let them use their imagination.”

And that did sound like a better idea.

guardianship: surendering to a process of becoming more like Him

Sometimes though, we can’t let people use their imagination. Sometimes their imaginations are less than gracious. And sometimes they believe the thing that seems most convenient but furthest from reality. Some things have to be clarified. And often the more important those things are, the harder they are to communicate.

For example, all week long I had a difficult conversation coming up. I had prayed and asked others to pray. But still, I was dreading it; I wondered if I should just not pursue it. Maybe I could get out of it.

So like every mature Christian, I tried that tactic in prayer:

I don’t want to do this, I told the Lord. I don’t know if I can do this.

You need to, though, He said. You know how to do it.

I don’t trust myself to do it right, though.

Do you trust Me? He asked.

Yes…but I don’t trust them. I don’t know how they’ll respond.

Do you trust Me? He repeated.

Of course I do. So I gave my feelings to Him (over and over, you know how this goes sometimes) and initiated the conversation. And the Lord gave me not only the wisdom and firmness I needed, but also the calm demeanor, composure, and discernment to say everything that needed to be said as I stood my ground. I did not waver; there was nothing on my list that was left unsaid.

God showed me again that He is faithful to work through us even when we feel unable and uncertain.

And that situation has been really good to look back on because a few months ago we learned about a whole new part of the special needs adoption process that we didn’t realize we signed up for almost eleven years ago. It’s called guardianship.

Maybe some of you are familiar with this. Maybe you’ve dealt with it and it seemed like no big deal. But for our family it feels like a Really Big Deal and we didn’t see it coming, and in some ways I feel stupid because it seems like we should have known about it or at least been given a heads up somewhere in the hours upon hours we spent in trainings and adoption paperwork.

For the equally uninitiated, it’s this: With their special needs and delays, our adopted kids will not be able to take care of themselves upon turning 18, when they magically become adults in the state of Alaska. This part wasn’t a surprise; we knew when we met Reagan that we were taking on a much bigger task than we originally thought and that she would always live with us. We did expect Andrey to be able to care for himself someday, though not as soon as he hits that magic number. What we did not realize is that continuing to care for them requires the legal activation of guardianship, and it is a fairly lengthy, somewhat invasive, legal process of courts, reports, and paperwork akin to the adoption process itself, except that it continues for the rest of our lives until we die.

Even after going through the original process and caring for them for over ten years, we must prove ourselves all over again to the government that we are able and willing to continue doing for our children what we’ve been doing all along. We cannot leave it to their imagination; it must be communicated. Again.

And that feels wrong to me. Oh, I know the reasons for it; you don’t need to lecture me. There have been exceptional cases of terrible people who take advantage of the system and do neglectful and sometimes horrific things to children. That is part of why we chose to adopt in the first place. The bigger problem is that more often than not, the terrible people out there doing terrible things to children are part of the system and work for the government.

So to treat all parents as guilty until proven innocent – over and over again – is unjust, inefficient, and a lousy use of resources. Putting the onus on parents who have already been through the fire and devoted years of their lives to caring for these children seems to be a “look here, not there” strategy.

But what can you do? There’s no other option. As it’s been explained to me, the reason it’s necessary is because Reagan cannot care for or make choices for herself, and without guardianship, if she were injured and needed to go to the hospital after she’s 18, we would not be able to make choices for her or authorize her care, either.

And yet if that situation arose, what then? Someone (a police officer, hospital staff, or some government worker) would arbitrarily end up making those decisions on her behalf, even though they would have no history with her, know absolutely nothing about her, and, ironically, would not have completed the process of guardianship, either. But we, her parents, must jump through the bureaucratic hoops in order to continue doing for her what we’ve been doing all along.

So we cannot leave things to the government’s imagination, and we will prove ourselves again by filling out more paperwork and going through more trainings and meetings so the government can check off their boxes, which is more important to them than actually spending all those hours with our children or nurturing our family, which is what good parents actually do.

I know, I’m a little bent outta shape about this.

The pressure wells and I am aware of every breath because I am inhaling deeply and deliberately, willing the oxygen to go in and the stress to go out. And then I eat a caffeinated energy bar because augmenting anxiety with the jitters seems like a capital idea.

I go downstairs to water the plants, and as I look at these tiny seedlings, I persist in telling myself the truth. The feelings want to be louder, but the truth is what needs to win the day:

The Lord knows this whole process.

He is protecting our family.

He has prepared us and is continuing to prepare us.

What surprises us does not surprise Him.

This won’t be wasted time; this will be found time.

This will be for our good, because He causes all things for our good. This will expand the Kingdom as we surrender to Him in it, and faithfully walk through it.

Nothing can threaten us.

That’s the thing that really gets me: It feels threatening and invasive. It feels like it’s sending us back to the beginning, and the beginning was so hard.

But wait, no, we’re focusing on truth and not feelings, so I keep going back to the truth. I plant those seeds deep, deep down so they will take root and grow. And it’s all well and good while I’m watering my lettuces and garlic, but as soon as I’m back upstairs on the couch researching the process, anxiety steamrolls through, scattering resolve and making me take deep, shaky breaths all over again. And I’m right back to telling Him, I don’t want to do this.

You need to, though, He tells me again. Do you trust Me?

I do trust Him. I don’t trust a lot of people, though. We’ve been burned so many times when they’ve used their imaginations, appointed themselves as authorities, or assumed something that wasn’t true. I’ve learned that outsiders can be dangerous and painful to special needs families and kids.

For years Reagan had a tiny, tiny bed. We tried giving her a twin-sized bed and she hated it; she slept on the outermost top corner of it because…well, use your imagination. She had a tiny bed at six years old when we met her, about half the size of a toddler mattress. I don’t know what her experience with bigger beds was, and she didn’t like the one we gave her. So Vin made her a small one that she did like, and it saved space in a bedroom that was shared by three girls at the time. But if you came to our house and saw her tiny, tiny bed, you would wonder. And I wouldn’t blame you for wondering. But I would blame you if you judged us for it without knowing the reason behind it.

A couple years ago we went on a short hike with someone we’d only met once before. A few days later I learned that this person had noticed Reagan walked awkwardly (because she does) and kept stepping out of her shoes (because she does). They assumed it was because her shoes didn’t fit her, so they generously offered to buy her some.

Do you see how that’s not really generous, though? They assumed we weren’t providing for her, that we hadn’t bothered to purchase shoes that fit her. They didn’t ask us, didn’t know anything about her, had never spent any time with her. They just assumed that the way she walked and acted was because of neglect and lack of finances on our part.

(Side note: Our generosity should never puff ourselves up or put someone else down. It should never be to exalt ourselves over someone else. Our generosity isn’t from us anyway, it is from God and we are merely the conduit and clerk He is going through.)

Why, when people have the opportunity to use their imagination, do they use it so badly?

But here I am, doing the same thing, because I’m imagining that the people on the other end of this guardianship process will be as ignorant and unhelpful as many that we’ve dealt with before.

You’re all safe, the Lord says. I’m right here with you. Nothing can threaten and harm you.

As a friend and pastor reminded me a few days ago as he prayed for us, the government is on His shoulders. The Lord’s not asking us to surrender anything to the government; we’re just surrendering to Him.

It’s a process that must be completed and endured. Knowing we are sheltered, safe from threat or invasion, and assigned to walk powerfully through it keeps us peaceful in the process.

So He’s teaching us to trust Him in new ways with the unexpected. We can trust Him even when we don’t trust ourselves or others. We can trust Him in our vulnerability, with surrendering to a process we would not have chosen but can expect Him to bring good out of, because He is our guardian: our keeper, protector, caregiver, champion, preserver, sentinel, and shepherd. And He’s showing us how to be more like Him.

Praying for you,

Shannon

P.S. If you need some deeper content on being burned, dealing with forgiveness and resentment, and/or you want to stop feeling threatened by those who have burned you, this is what we’re addressing in the February newsletter for premium subscribers, coming out in a few days. Upgrade for that here – there’s a free trial and also a reduced group rate. And if you need this content but it’s not in your budget right now (have you even SEEN the cost of groceries lately?!) just let me know and I’d love to comp your subscription for free, gratis.

Also! I made a little announcement recently and shared the first excerpt of my new book last week. That’s available to premium subscribers, too.

P.P.S. Links for you!

you can do what He’s calling you to: a kindling post

Posted on by November 12, 2024
you can do what He's calling you to: a kindling post

The Lord knows your breakthrough is taking a long time. He is waiting, too.

He knows the enemy has tried to wheedle his way in and get you on the merry-go-round of doubt:

Is it because I still haven’t learned my lesson? Is it punishment? Is it because I don’t deserve what I’ve been hoping for? Is it because someone else needs the answer more than I do? Is it because I’m too stupid to figure out the answers?

The Lord knows the lies and accusations you’ve been wrestling with. Here’s some truth to hang onto:

He is giving you the wisdom you need as you abide.

He doesn’t love anyone else more than He loves you. He’s not playing favorites.

His provision has no limits. He doesn’t have to choose between needs to fill.

His timing is protecting you from things you don’t know about, and preparing you for more than you imagine.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

— James 1:5-8

You don’t have to know what you’re doing when the Lord tells you to do it.

You don’t have to wait until you have it all figured out. In fact, a lot of people do it that way but it’s just disobedience pretending to be responsible.

Yes, do some research. Figure out your first step. But if He tells you Go, then do it asap. Your joy is at stake.

Show Him you can be trusted with the little things so He knows you are ready to steward the bigger things you’re asking for, too.

You can do the thing He’s calling you to today. The big, brave thing, and the small, annoying thing. The new unfamiliar thing. The strong, steady, obedient thing.

He’s holding favor for you as you trust Him. He moves mightily on your behalf and loves your heart that pursues Him and chooses His ways over your own preferences. He is taking that surrender and molding your desires so they align with His, making it easier and easier to hear Him and know the way to go.

My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad.

Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack!

The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Come, O children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

What man is there who desires life and loves many days, that he may see good?

Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.

Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.

— Psalm 34:2, 9-15

There will be people out there who misunderstand you maliciously and religiously.

So caught up in their own misinterpretation, refusing to see other perspectives, eager to judge and be offended, they will miss the forest for the trees just as they have missed the point that could have broadened their own understanding.

Sometimes they cloak their condemnation with misapplied scripture to keep themselves on a high horse of self righteousness while criticizing those they know nothing about and quenching the Spirit they don’t understand.

But you will know them by their fruit, Jesus said.

So abide. Keep abiding. Keep doing what the Lord has called you to do. It is the only way we bear fruit, and our growth is helped by a good application of manure every once in a while. 😏😎

Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit.

— Matthew 7:15-17

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

— John 15:4-5

The Lord is not waiting for your perfection or performance to deliver you. He did not bring breakthrough or deliverance or answers to people in the Bible because they checked off all the boxes. He doesn’t deliver because we are perfect, but because He is.

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how we keep the house

Posted on by September 26, 2022

A dream woke me up at 5 am.

I had fallen asleep praying for a loved one who seems to be drifting in the last few years, and the next thing I knew, my heart was loud while the room was dark and quiet, and the Lord was telling me, Remember, and share this.

how we keep the house: a dream and a warning for the Church

So here goes.

I dreamt of a being in a house I’ve never been to. Most of the kids were with me and there were hills around; my husband and other men were outside, scouting and guarding the area.

We knew we were about to be attacked, that enemies were attempting to invade us. My job was to go along the inside of the house and lock all the doors and windows.

A young man was with me, like my son but not my son. But in my dream I knew he was my right hand man, the one I was relying on the most, as though the men had assigned him to stay with me and the kids for protection and help.

I went down the long, skinny hallway, shutting windows and locking doors until I got to a door that was stuck and wouldn’t latch. I called the young man over to help me and he shut it, and then he went down the hall ahead of me to take care of the rest. But as I followed him with one of my little boys, I noticed the next window was left partly open, and one of the doors wasn’t closed all the way. The young man was increasingly unreliable as he went down the hall toward the end of the house.

The hallway ended with two glass doors that made up the wall of that side of the house. The doors were supposed to meet in the middle and latch, but the glass was cracked and had been cheaply fixed with clear packing tape.

And the doors were still open. The young man was standing in the doorway with my seven-year-old son, and I could see the horde of raiders with weapons coming, running through the woods right toward us.

They had flanked, and were going to attack the back of the house first.

A small shelf of handmade weapons was nearby. Some were worthless cardboard, like children’s toys, but others were knives and hatchets, and I grabbed one of those. But the doors were still open, and my seven year old was standing with the young man, watching them come. They weren’t shutting the doors; they were transfixed on watching the coming onslaught. I kept telling them “Shut the doors! Shut the doors!” and they just stood there.

I grabbed my son and threw him behind me, but the young man was larger than me and in the way; I could not close the doors without him moving.

The first raider reached us with the others right behind him, and he stretched his arm up through the doorway, getting ready to climb in.

And I woke up, but my thoughts finished the dream for me: I knew I would have to kill the invader as he tried coming into the house.

Yeah. Wow, I know, that’s not the normal stuff I share here. As I laid there trying to figure it out, the Lord reminded me that I fell asleep praying for that loved one who has been turning lukewarm, losing vision, tired of the fight. And then I had this dream about the young man, meant to be relied upon to stand and fight and defend. And at first he was reliable, but the further he went into the mission, the less effective he became until he was basically deadened and stupefied, putting the rest of us in danger.

And this is a picture of some in the Church right now who have called themselves Christians for decades.

In the beginning of the reign of Jehoiakim the son of Josiah, king of Judah, this word came from the Lord: “Thus says the Lord: Stand in the court of the Lord‘s house, and speak to all the cities of Judah that come to worship in the house of the Lord all the words that I command you to speak to them; do not hold back a word. It may be they will listen, and every one turn from his evil way, that I may relent of the disaster that I intend to do to them because of their evil deeds. You shall say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord: If you will not listen to me, to walk in my law that I have set before you, and to listen to the words of my servants the prophets whom I send to you urgently, though you have not listened, then I will make this house like Shiloh, and I will make this city a curse for all the nations of the earth.’”

– Jeremiah 26:1-6

It’s easy to write this off as a passage for non-believers, but it’s not. It’s for those who went to the court of the Lord’s house, to all the cities that come to worship in the house of the Lord. It’s for us, the Church.

We have neglected to keep the house, and we need to repent and restore it.

At every pivotal moment in history there have been those who stood by, not wanting to take a stand as evil overtook the institutions and culture of the land. Their discernment and action were dulled and useless because they chose comfort over obedience. They feared man more than they feared God. They worshipped themselves instead of the Creator.

Christians, friends, Church: We have been living in one of those pivotal moments for years now, and the boat needs to rock.

Too many are placidly standing my, flirting with popularity, worshiping ease, drifting lazy fingers in the current as it carries us toward destruction. If you are not speaking out, standing up, learning about what is going on, interceding for those on the front lines of this, and taking action when the Lord calls you to, you are not rocking the boat – you are sinking the ship.

The windows and doors have not just been left open; many in the house have groveled and bootlicked their way to being complete sycophants of the enemy.

Many pastors want a seat at the table Jesus would be flipping over.

– Joe Oltmann

We are meant to guard and defend, but it’s easy to fall into sleepwalking through our days, mesmerized by the enemy and doing nothing to prevent His attacks.

So how do we protect our flank?

Are we praying? Are we armed? Are we alert to what’s going on, and preventing the enemy’s access to our family? Or are we just too tired, too numb, too overwhelmed, too careless of those around us?

Because it’s not just about us. There are kids in the house, watching us, learning how to respond to the world out there. Our apathy puts them in danger.

It is exhausting. We are tired. Life is full and frenzied right now, and you’re right, we can’t possibly do everything or be everywhere at once. But this is not the time to make excuses and get sloppy, to move our eyes from what the Lord is calling us to see.

Even though the wise virgins were also weary, they made it an absolute priority to store up oil. Because a lamp without oil burns out quickly.

– Craig Cooney, The Blueprint

I confess I have not prayed as fervently as I should be doing. So I’ve been coming back to the Lord at new times, with new requests, letting Him interrupt me again and in new ways. I do not want to become less effective the farther I go in my journey, or to endanger those I love and am commissioned to protect. I want to be more dangerous to the enemy, and more partnered with the Lord in what He is doing.

I want to better steward the days and assignments He gives us. That requires being aware of what is going on around me, and being willing to do uncomfortable things when He calls me to.

And He calls us to many things: To intercede. To serve. To act. To be alert, because the enemy is like a prowling lion.

If we are actively persisting in the Lord’s presence, He will help us notice what we need to. But if our eyes are elsewhere, we’ll be blindsided and stupefied, a liability to those we love around us.

In the dream, the enemy found the side that had been infiltrated by a sleeping guard, and that’s the side it attacked.

We need to be awake and watchful. Praying and discerning. Standing and defending. Speaking and resisting. Equipped and equipping. Learning and teaching. Repenting and restoring.

Many Christians are vying for a seat at the table Jesus would be flipping over.

We surrender only to the Lord, and we will not step aside for the enemy. This is the ground we’ve been given to protect and defend, and we plan to keep it.